“If you want to have a conversation with me about who I am, don't just talk to me about my failures. Don't just talk to me about my bottom moments. My story is in my “keep going.” In the times where I was not doing the greatest, but I kept going.” - Karega Bailey 

What an empowering statement! We often forget that we are more than just the sum of our experiences, and we have the power to shape our own identities and narratives. 

This episode serves as a reminder that we can choose to learn from our struggles, grow from them, and use them as opportunities for personal development and growth.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR 

What does it mean to be in a “bottom moment” [3:54]

• Those time when you “didn’t get it right”, impacting you and people you care about

• When things aren’t in your control (but don’t necessarily define who you are) 

• When you’re in the lowest part of your life (e.g. substance abuse, losing a loved one, etc.)

The dangers of centering our identity on our bottom moments [9:09]

• Self-sabotaging yourself to believing that “the real you” is the you when you’re in the lowest 

• Having the emotional weight of doing something that is not in alignment with your values

• Missing opportunities for growth 

• Failure to give grace to yourself, which often results in failure to give grace to others 

The haze of pulling yourself out of those bottom moments [15:57] 

• Getting over the desire to want to feel good all the time could be a challenge as you attempt to rise up

• Remembering that life is a balance of highs and lows could be hard sometimes 

• Being mindful of how you talk to yourself 

• Finding practical ways to be good to yourself 

Navigating the haze [26:40] 

• Discovering tools that will push you to be less hard on yourself (movement, therapy, meditations, applications, etc.)

• Setting boundaries to people who continue to hold you hostage of your bottom moments 

• Reminding the people close to you that you are human and your mistakes don’t define you

Lessons on bottom moments [36:39]

• Your bottom moments are also the best moments to learn and grow 

• Your bottom moments are also beginnings

  
  

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

Brene Brown - Shame vs. Guilt

Black Love Doc  

Listen to I Am Light by India.Arie

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

We always hear the words “Face your fear” or “Just do it.” However, like most things, confronting our fear is easier said than done. But here’s the good news: we can indeed learn to face our fears. In today’s episode, we talk about the origin of our fears, how fear manifests in who we are, and how we can navigate through it. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR 

Your fear comes from your what-ifs [4:37]

• What if I don't get what I want?

• What if I don't succeed? 

• What if I'm a failure?

• What if I'm not enough? 

• What if I get rejected? 

• What if I get judged? 

The manifestations of fear (and how it can overtake you) [7:46]

• Being calculated and thorough in making choices 

• Spending more time thinking vs. moving 

• Hating to gamble and lose—which could be really limiting 

The haze with confronting fear [10:42]

• Self-medicating (or avoiding potential help)

• It can be really scary! But the more you do it, the easier it becomes 

• Your fear of what’s beyond the confrontation

Navigating fear [17:25]

• Understanding that fear is OKAY

• Even if you don’t do it now, you will have to eventually. So why not do it on your own terms? 

• Sometimes, a huge part of your fear turns out to be excitement 

• Confronting your fear can lead you to your purpose 

Fear never goes away. It won’t and can’t change—but your mindset, whether to face it or avoid it, can. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

 A Wrinkle in Time

Episode 48: Mental health matters with Stephanie Westbrook.

Listen to Fear by Kendrick Lamar 

Listen to Can’t Stop Won’t Stop by King Combs

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Lesson #14: “Sometimes a leap of faith doesn't bring immediate results.” 

We find this lesson from Eric Roberson’s book “LESSONS, 100 Thoughts on Life & Love” truly fascinating so we’re delighted to explore it in today’s episode. 

What really happens when you take a leap of faith? It could be fall, flight, sink, swim. You could do any or ALL of those things. The question is: how do you navigate through those? Because giving up is not an option. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR 

What you need to know about the “leap of faith” [04:23]

• You might not see the results right away 

• You should learn to enjoy the journey; your achievement is just a bonus. 

• Mindfulness will help you find peace and gratitude

Beyond the leap of faith [15:16]

• There will be success, there will be failure

• It’s NOT the end of the journey, rather, it’s the beginning 

• You will be anxious, you will second guess yourself, but you have to find your way out of it

• Everything that you’ve learned so far will be useful in your journey 

Can positivity really turn into something toxic?  [20:23]

• Finding gratitude in the haze of negativity is a choice 

• Negating others’ journey and invalidating the difficulty of what they’ve gone through could be problematic 

 The haze of taking the leap [25:17]

• Having to start over and potentially the loneliness that comes with it 

• The memory of how a former leap of faith journey did not bring the results you wanted 

• The negative self-talk 

Navigating your leap of faith journey [27:31]

• Knowing that whatever happens, it is for your good

• Preparing in the best of your ability 

• Don’t let anything stop you 

• Don't quit on yourself

  
  

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

LESSONS, 100 Thoughts on Life & Love by Eric Roberson 

Episode 37: Finding the right relationship to hope.

Episode 50: Just keep going.

Listen to Practicing by PJ Morton and Tobe Enwigwe 

Listen to Jump by Kris Kross

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

Welcome to the first episode of the year! It’s a new year, typically a good time for a ‘new you’ or perhaps for ‘reinventing yourself.’ But hey, a new year doesn’t necessarily need a new you. In fact, it’s the best time to celebrate the progress you’ve already made. 

Alex Elle, a best-selling author, is not a big believer of the concept ‘new year, new you,’ especially with the amount of pressure we get from social media. She advises that: 

1. Baby steps are valuable steps 

2. You don’t need to reinvent yourself every year 

3. Honoring where you are is important as we continue to change, heal, and grow

Beautiful advice. Small changes, compared to big ones, are easier to sustain. So in today’s episode, we’ll talk about mindset in dealing with progress, self-trust, self-acceptance, gratitude, and more.

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR

A different idea of progress  [3:34]

• What's the haze of focusing on “the 1%”? 

• What’s the haze of becoming unconditionally self-accepting?

Self-trust [08:57]

• How can I trust myself even more?

• What does it look like to trust myself in every area—when it comes to my physical health, my mental health, my career, and everything else? 

• What does it look like for me to trust myself and grow as a result? 

Navigating the haze [16:32]

• Am I putting value to myself based on whether or not what I’m doing is successful? 

• Am I giving myself permission to try new things and still not end up overindulging? 

• Are my choices solely based on who I’m trying to become? 

You can always evolve without hating who/where you are now [22:09]

• If you’re not growing, then you’re dying

• You can keep reaching for things you want to achieve 

• If you don’t love who you are now, you can’t attract the ‘better you’ 

Having adequate self-awareness and self-trust is key to being confident of who you are and key towards becoming who you want to be. 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

• Alex Elle in Good Morning America

• Listen to Keep on Moving by Soul II Soul 

• Listen to On & On by Erykah Badu

  
  

  TO STAY CONNECTED:

  1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

  2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

  3. Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

  If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

2022 is coming to an end, and there’s a lot of things to be grateful for. In a year, we’ve spent a lot of time having wonderful conversations about the things that matter. About things that help us keep going. 

In today’s episode, our hearts are filled with gratitude and joy as we look back on the most amazing conversations that we’ve had this year. If you want to once again be empowered amidst the haze of love and life, tune in to us! 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:

2022 in one word [02:06] 

• Transformational 

• ME! 

Top 4 episodes of 2022 [03:50]

• Top 4: Episode 43, Radical Self-Acceptance -You don’t have to blame anyone for the changes around you because change simply means you are evolving

• Top 3: Episode 41, Parenting Your Inner Child - The baggage of your inner child could manifest in you as an adult so it’s important to be fully healed. 

• Top 2: Episode 34, Keeping That Same Energy - Give yourself grace before someone else. Do not let anybody take away your joy! 

• Top 1: Episode 37, Finding the Right Relationship to Hope - Hoping in a “mature” way means completely believing that something is going to happen but also understanding that it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t.

Honorable mentions [26:03]

• Episode 45, Relationship with Money - You need to treat your finances just like you would with a relationship with an actual person. Treating money like you’re in a relationship with it has the power to make money stick or go away. 

• Episode 30, Joy Is Our Birthright - You can turn bitterness into joy. 

• Episode 35, The Stories We Tell Ourselves - If it has good intent, say the story out loud! What impact do these stories have on our relationships with our people?

It’s also a good time to re-listen to the top episodes (and a few honorable mentions) of 2022! The episodes are linked below. 😉

RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE

Listen to the podcast episode - Maya's Slight Change of Plans

The Love Haze: Episode 43

The Love Haze: Episode 41

The Love Haze: Episode 34

The Love Haze: Episode 37 

The Love Haze: Episode 45

The Love Haze: Episode 30

The Love Haze: Episode 35

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

This episode will serve as a reminder that your mental health is just as important as your physical health! 

Mental health is one of the biggest and long-standing issues that challenges our community. So today, we’re happy to highlight Stephanie Westbrook, a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Professional Counselor Supervisor, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and a mompreneur. Stephanie shares to us the true power of therapy if done right, and if done with the right intentions. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:

What is the state of our community’s mental well-being? [05:21]

• There’s a lot of stigma in the Black community 

• Prayer ≠ therapy! 

• When do you determine that you need the help of a mental health expert? 

• There are important differences among what a pastor, a licensed professional counselor, a licensed social worker, and a licensed marriage and family therapist can do 

Focusing on how you feel and how you want to feel vs. the “label” [14:34]

• Do you not want to experience joy in your life anymore? 

• Do you want to continue to feel non motivated? 

• Do you still come home from work and you can't get off the couch until it's time to go to bed? 

• Are you being your best self?

The root cause of our communities’ mental health issues [16:18]

• The root cause: enduring slavery 

• Post traumatic syndrome

• Epigenetics - trauma that’s been passed to generations after generations

• What we’ve been conditioned to do 

WE CAN disrupt the pattern [19:25]

• Making a different choice

• You’re not supposed to always suffer, despite how you’ve been conditioned to feel

• Deconstructing and unlearning all those long-suffering beliefs

Finding a therapist who CAN actually help you [22:37] 

• Having access to a space where you find comfort in sharing

• Getting out of your own way to accomplish being ‘your best self’ 

If you ever tried therapy, and it didn’t work, this episode may be for you. Everything about what therapy is and is not, you’ll learn in this episode. Make sure to tune in with an open mind! 

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

Connect with Stephanie on LinkedIn

Connect with Stephanie on Instagram

Season 4 of Atlanta 

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

December is almost here. The year 2022 is finally coming to an end. The Thanksgiving season is just the perfect time to take a step back and ask yourself, “What are the things that I am grateful for?”

In this episode, we honor the progress that we’ve made this year by taking a look back at where we are last year and where we are now. How did we get here? What lessons have we learned along the way? Listen as you ask yourself: what am I thankful for? 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR

A look back on Fall 2021: there’s always something to be thankful for [04:13]

• What are your answered prayers?

• Where challenges and struggles have you successfully dealt with? 

• Are you still where you were in the previous year? 

• Where is your gratitude coming from?

• What are the things that challenged your family? Your faith? 

The importance of therapy—all kinds of therapy [08:04]

• Somebody can help you through those feelings 

• Getting rid of feelings that are detrimental to your relationships 

• How do you maintain your wholeness when you are in a relationship? 

• Choosing to show up and to do the work in relationships

Doing things right for the right reasons [12:15] 

• Doing it because you want to be a good person, not because you get something in return 

• Becoming less selfish in dealing with relationships 

• Loving more freely 

Navigating through the haze [22:51]

• Centering yourself to feel gratitude amidst trying times 

• Let it out—write or cry about it, whatever you need to process your emotions 

• You are much different that who you used to be 

Things aren’t perfect, they probably won’t ever be, but you’re here, but you’re continually trying—that’s something to be thankful for!

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

As humans, it is in our nature to punish ourselves when we do something wrong. But does punishing yourself ever really account for something good? 

In this episode, we talk about forgiveness. And it’s not about forgiving a friend, a family member, or a loved one. It’s forgiving the most important person to you—you. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

People’s common response to making mistakes [3:53]

• Beating yourself up—which is extremely unhealthy 

• Blaming yourself DOES NOT help 

• Dwelling in the past and wishing you’ve made a different choice 

• What’s important is asking yourself how to avoid making the same mistake 

Why living in the shadow of your mistakes could be problematic [6:20]

• You lose room for gratitude 

• What you did in the past shaped who are today 

• What have you learned from your mistakes? 

Letting go of your mistakes [10:08]

• Even the U.S. Constitution  won’t prosecute you for the same offense—there’s no need for you to put yourself in trial repeatedly 

• Your mistakes don’t necessarily define who you are and who you’ll be 

• Give yourself permission to learn from your mistakes and use what you learned

• Don’t let your mistakes stop you from preaching your story 

The haze of choosing differently [15:52]

• How can you make a different choice and stop beating yourself up? 

• How can you learn to forgive yourself, like how you forgive others? 

• If you spoke to yourself the way that you speak to other people, would you want to be in a relationship with YOU? 

• How can you choose you every day?

If you can forgive the horrendous mistakes others committed to you, can’t you do the same for yourself?

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

The Four Agreements

Double Jeopardy

Cuffing  Season - Michael Todd

Brené Brown: Focus on guilt instead of shame
Masterclass with Sarah Blakely, Founder of Spanx

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

We’re so happy that our long overdue collaboration with our friends Ranauldo and Liz finally happened. 

Ranauldo and Liz Wright are financial brokers with nearly 20 years of experience in financial services. In today’s episode, they share some thought-provoking ideas around our relationship with money (Yes, that’s a thing). 

Whether you’re just beginning to understand how money works or you consider yourself a money expert, we’re 100% sure you’ll pick up a thing or two in this episode. So come join us. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

Why it’s important to get past our fear of talking about money [2:41]

• A lot of our issues with money come from trauma 

• As a community, it’s high time that we pass down wealth

• There’s a difference between being rich and being wealthy 

• It’s a scary thing to be constantly on your comfort level 

Having a healthy relationship with money [14:19]

• Money is NOT the root of all evil 

• Money shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want. But you need to be very smart about it

• Just because you can pay for something doesn't mean you can afford it

• Wanting to have it all doesn’t make you greedy (as long your heart is pure and you give back) 

• Saving and investing are two different things 

The haze in treating money better [26:01]

• Ignorance when it comes to money. Some of us don’t understand how money really works 

• Finding a trustworthy financial advice 

Biggest lessons around money [37:59]

• Pay trustworthy professionals (if you can) who can educate you

• Debt can be detrimental or advantageous to you, depending on your class 

• What a wealthy person vs. a rich person look like 

  
  

  CONNECT WITH RANAULDO AND LIZ:

  Send them an email at [email protected]

  
  

  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

  Listen to Bless Me by Kirk Franklin and Maverick City Music

  Listen to Feelin’ It by Jay-Z

  Listen to Richer Than I Have Ever Been by Rick Ross

  Listen to BOSS by The Carters 

  
  

  TO STAY CONNECTED:

  1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

  2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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  If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.

  
  

  
  

It’s almost an instinct to hide what we perceive as ugly.  But do you know that there is power in completely embracing who you really are? 

In today's episode we unpack how to deal with our “inner shadow” and overpower it with light. Because we can’t live in hiding forever, and perfection is a myth. 

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: 

What is the inner shadow? [03:01]

• What are the things about you that you think are not ideal? 

• What are you trying to hide? 

• What does it mean to do “shadow work?” 

What does it mean to be “acceptable?” [06:11]

• Who decides what’s acceptable and what’s not? 

• Was there a time where you said something and got unfavorable responses? 

• Do you want to be acceptable to you and be your optimal self? 

What does “shadow work” entail? [10:16]

• Seeking help from professionals 

• Abandoning the idea of perfectionism 

• You can’t fix other people if you’re broken 

• Projecting your inner shadow to others

The journey towards acceptance [15:57]

• What the bible teaches us about accepting the non-ideal parts of us 

• What does it look like to be able to pivot from your mistakes?

• How to live and not exist in fear 

• Walking away from shame

TO STAY CONNECTED:

1. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.

2. Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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If you'd like either of us to join your next panel or event, please email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.