HEARTCAST - A Coach For Your Heart

HEARTCAST has one primary purpose:  Teach its listeners how to bring love into every aspect of their lives by practicing "The Two Foot Drop" from your head to your heart.  Ed McShane has assisted people all his life in matters of the heart.  For thirty years as a Psychotherapist, Author and Life Coach, Ed has helped thousands of people change their perspective about life in order to see it more clearly and experience life more deeply.  

Based in San Diego, CA Ed has written for Public Radio and CBS Radio who gave him the name "A Coach For Your Heart".  This Podcast will transform your attitude replacing anger with forgiveness, judgment with acceptance, and frustration with peace.  Subscribe now and tune in each week to learn how love can become a routine and reflexive part of your everyday life.

Now available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your Podcasts!

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

The WECARE process brings awareness in your comprehension and your ease of listening to one another.  You understand the person with whom you’re communicating, and they understand you. Its efficiency of the mind combined with acceptance of the heart. 
 

WECARE builds collaboration through trust and a predictable formula of reliable concepts that appeal to both the operations and the aesthetics of any business or interpersonal communication.

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

Watch

Experience

Connect

Assess

Respond

Encourage

There's an old saying that goes when one wants to acquire knowledge, one must study. But when one wants to acquire wisdom, one must observe.  In this HEARTCAST™ I will teach how to observe, to see, to look, to view, and to put all of these concepts under one word:  Watch.

Watching is something you learned when you were a little kid.  You watched the birds, the traffic, the grass, the clouds.  You mostly just noticed they were around you.  Maybe you stopped to study them a bit, but it was an effort to get to know what they were all about.  It’s an effortless endeavor.  Think of yourself in a car, an airplane, or just looking out your window.  You just watch.  No pressure.  You’re not there to make an evaluation about the scenery, you just watch.

So, when you “Watch” somebody, and enlist the energy of your heart, your first offering is Acceptance.  Your heart, the place where Love lives, is guided by Acceptance, so when I say suspend all judgement about what you see in someone’s face, shoulders, their gait, the posture, how they swing their arms, what their outfit looks like, how they’ve done their hair...you are Accepting them just they way they are.  This is how you Watch.  You take note, and let the acceptance of your heart lead the way.

The WECARE™ process brings awareness in your comprehension and your ease of listening to one another.  You understand the person with whom you’re communicating, and they understand you.  Its efficiency of the mind combined with acceptance of the heart.  WECARE™ builds collaboration through trust and a predictable formula of reliable concepts that appeal to both the operations and the aesthetics of any business or interpersonal communication.

 For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

Watch

Experience

Connect

Assess

Respond

Encourage

This second part is one of the places where people sometimes get stuck. I want to go through this with you so it is easy and accessible to anyone who approaches this process.  To experience something means to have had practice in an endeavor or circumstance.  

To experience is a sensory dynamic.  It is receiving stimuli through your thought processes, your feelings, and your physical sensations. In the moment of engagement, and this is a fundamental point, you are reflexively and naturally “taking in" stimuli with everything you have within you. There is no effort to receive and experience engagement. Your senses turn on, your feelings awaken, and your attention becomes alive.  You have absorbed it. It is the “taking in” that experience, dare I say their energy, that deepens your awareness and heightens your focus within the interpersonal contact.  

When you are to experience a person, you are receiving them. You do not come in with an agenda. You are there to extend your presence and meet your energy with theirs.  Here’s a common example of how the word “experience" plays out in everyday life. Think of yourself in traffic. Better yet, think of yourself sitting next to the person who is driving through traffic. What is their energy like? Do you feel that?  

And when I say “taking in” that experience, how about when you “take in” a movie. What do those terms mean to you? How does one, “take in” a movie, exactly? Let me explain: You buy your ticket, you might get something to eat, you sit down, and you “Watch," as I outlined in the first step. You “take in” or pay close attention to and follow along with the movie.  When you “take in” a movie, you’re experiencing it.  Its sounds, its moments, and the way it makes you feel.  

And every time you’re with another person, that’s precisely what you do. You sense their feeling, their presence, their energy. That’s what experience means. You’re simply “with” them.  You’ve watched, taken a look at them, and seen what your eyes have offered, but now you’re just “taking in” their humanness. Your assessment of their feelings, their energy, is not limited to your observations.  No, rather it’s offering them your full attention, just as if you were sitting in front of a movie.  It is in this moment that presents the beginning of a relationship. A relationship, by definition, implies longevity. But the beginning is the “taking in” of a person’s energy.  To be with them, and allow them to be with you.

I’ll tie this together by quoting from the book: “Is it hard to quantify? Sometimes. But when you are truly experiencing something, from watching your child are his first steps to taking in the energy from another person, you’re in that moment fully and completely. It takes a half-second, but you’re right there.  You  are with that experience, moment to moment, and the feeling you get is tangible. You know it when you’ve got it.”

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

In order to connect, you just do what you've been doing since you were a little kid.  For me to try to teach you to connect is a little like me trying to teach you how to walk. It's something you've learned to do since you were a little kid.  What I have taught you in the first two steps, Watch and experience, give you a foundation underneath what you already know. Your ability to connect with another person just became more accurate. Your instinct sharper, your observations clearer, and your presence more grounded and accessible.

Your connection with another person is stronger than it had been before.  So the definition of connection has changed. At least in its perspective. When you connect through this process, you are not connecting with them, you are allowing them to connect with you.  So connecting is not something that you are doing with them. You are not pushing your message, you are not introducing yourself, you are not trying to bring your thoughts to the table or the experience. Rather, you are allowing your presence to meet theirs.

Specifically, you are inviting their presence to meet yours.  After you watch somebody, and through the end of the process of experiencing their energy, you have opened yourself to their presence. Connection is not an informative exchange; rather, it is an allowance and embrace of their message and they are presents. What do you have establish is now a willingness and a readiness to except the message they offer.

Connection is an invitation to be their genuine self, to share freely themselves with you.  This requires a sense of warmth and trust that you gain through the first two steps. Correctly, connection is almost reflexive in the flow of the spirit of togetherness between you and that other person.  It's worth mentioning that everything you just read is consistent with the steps and attitudes that address and inhabit the processes of emotional intelligence. These components, particularly in this segment of the WECARE process, establishes your first verbal offering to their first words.

Your observations and attitudes they have come forward through the first two steps engaged themselves here.  And the emotional foundation you have establish engages itself between you and another person or you and the group of people you encounter.  And there's somewhat of a review that is interesting to visit prior to this step. Specifically, this step let you know how acquainted you really are with, for instance, your judgments of others. Or how well you know yourself in your biases and attitudes that shape your responses. Because connecting can be so reflexive, the first two steps prior to this one resets your emotional barometer.

When you connect, you will find yourself slightly more deliberate in your response.  But this pause, this half step of thought prior to your engagement, can open yourself to a greater level of acceptance of the other person.  To connect with someone, truly after you take in their energy, embodies the connection from our heart, the deepest chamber of our loving potential for another person.  No matter their race, socioeconomic background, political leanings, or preferences that may be prerequisite to your encounter, consciousness of these three steps allows you to momentarily push aside any prejudgments that you may have and allow the fundamentals of acceptance and openness to be your guide to a sincere interpersonal connection.

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

In Latin, the word “Assess” means “to set aside.”  I love that.  In the context of dialogue, to set aside means to suspend. To wait on. To hold off for a minute.  Assessment is listening. It offers us an opportunity to truly offer our hearts and our attention to one another.  Assessment isn’t just getting ready to make a decision nor is it merely a collection of data. It first is a process of just being with somebody, as you’ve experienced in the three segments.  And in that context, we are suspending judgement. We are only there to receive. In the spirit of “to set aside,” we are placing our predispositions and our interpersonal histories on a brief hold.

Assessment is fundamentally a process of listening.  Within this context, we assess with our presence.  We ask the questions, “What is being said, and why"?  Assessment is more evaluation than calculation.  You begin with the mindset of offering assistance and support to the person bringing you their concern, their issue or their problem.  I want to quote directly from the book, Concrete Marshmallows and the Home Sweet Home Café, “The meaning in our work is to be of service to another.  Part of being human is the ability to assess needs and offer our help when needed.  All we have to do is identify the kind of assistance that will do the most good.  That’s the nature of “assessment.”  You can’t rush this.  

A good assessment demands focus and more than a little patience. It keeps you with that person as long as necessary to truly get a sense of what they need.  This includes the effective and meaningful use of one question: “How can I help you"?  It isn’t just a throw away line to begin the conversation.  It comes from my heart and elicits the information that you need to help someone.  It is the fundamental sentence of “assessment.”  And then you listen to what you're being told, not to the voice in your head preparing what I want to say.  I have to the confidence in myself enough to know that, when the time comes to speak, I’ll know the right words because I listen in order to assess. 

What we’re talking about here is allowing somebody to know and experience your essence…while you’re offering your assessment, you have to be visible.  They have to see you.  They need to know who you are.  And when you say, “May I help you?” you have to put yourself out there.  You offer somebody the opportunity to accept your gift of assistance, of kindness, with gratitude.  It makes them feel better. They appreciate it and it brings them closer to you.

Think of it this way:  When you’re “assessing” the beauty of your child, you’re leading with your heart.  Acceptance is a prerequisite offering of attention, and cognition of difficulties or questions about information comes a moment later.  When you assess, you do listen, but your attitude is one of setting aside pre-judgement and withholds the possibility of too quick of a conclusion without appropriate investigation.

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

By the time you get to this stage in your communication, you are almost reflexively in a position to Respond.  I don't need to go over all of the little bumper sticker reminders about the value of responding as opposed to reacting.  But if we are conscious of the steps that have preceded respond, reacting is not going to fall into the formula whatsoever. 

Let me give you an example. You have come to the meeting and learn to just see, observe, and watch the person who you're with come to you. You have made an observation of their body language, their facial expression, the speed of their gait, and all of the variables set within that process.  Then you've taken in their energy. You sat with them for a moment. You stood side to side or facing one another and you've begun to since their feelings in just through the little things about their posture and their presentation. You have taken a deep breath into their experience, and intern can experience their energy and their demeanor.

You have connected with them based on the two states of observation you have just passed through. And your connection is placed with more accuracy, more compassion, and a greater sense of consideration of their condition at this moment. And your connection, through whatever words you choose, will have a better chance at expressing the kind of sentiment that is most appropriate for this particular encounter.  You have assessed. You have listened and you have taken the information in accordingly, formulating one or many possible conclusions that have now the potential for greater accuracy in appropriateness has applied to all of the components within this conversation up to this point.

And now there is no chance for reaction. You have guaranteed yourself, by walking through these steps, that you will respond with calm, ease, and thoughtful communication. You will better understand the meaning behind the message, and the depth of the sentiment within the expression. You will come through with empathy, offering a deeper understanding of the persons feelings, attitude, emphasis, and priority within their issue. It is within this context that a response becomes effortless. You were speaking from a center of steady, engaged attention.

Remember, that the preceding steps to this process assist with quieting any pre-judgment or preconceived attitudes that may cloud your perceptions of the individual and the message in that moment. Because you have the prerequisite steps accomplished, responding comes from a new place within you. It is not set aside your experience; rather, it suspends your judgment. Your response is as a result of addressing this experience as an individual and unique event. The data may be the same, but the incident in the presentation is not. Every moment is different, every day has new challenges. Even though the context may be the same, the variables that can modify a message are too numerous to count. It is this consideration that helps you bring forth a newness and an inviting openness to every encounter. Your response underscores the spirit of your willingness to address each issue uniquely on its own merit.

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/

Now that you have gotten to this point, if you have been present through the preceding five steps, the step of encouragement will come directly from your heart. It will reflect your feelings throughout this experience and offer a genuine expression of appreciation and a statement of sincere encouragement, letting them know how much you appreciate the time that they took to put together the message, to formulate the concern, and to present it in such a fashion that it is reflective of a sincere interest in the improvement of the problem brought forth.

In addition, you will instinctively know what to say. You will not bring forward a canned response, something that you may have heard yourself say 100 times in the past. Your response will come from your heart. It will be something appropriate to the words that have been spoken in the experience that you have shared.

To encourage someone is a twofold process. It lets them know that you want to invite them to present and offer their insights to you again and again, letting them know that you are open to all that they can offer and, most importantly, welcome their presence in your life. By encouraging them to let them know that they are important, that they matter, that their contributions are invaluable and as important as any other person that you encounter.

Encouragement is more than just a thank you, it is a statement of belief. It is letting that person know that you absolutely believe in their ability to bring you good information, solid and deep sentiment, and an ongoing commitment to the improvement of any issue that recipe for them.

To encourage is to elevate. It is to lift up the spirit of another in the system into further movement along their path of development. To tell someone, "I believe in you, and I am with you on this journey" is the greatest statement of encouragement you can make. It's solidifies your belief in them, and it begins to establish their trust in you.

And it is this last element, trust, continues to open the door to ongoing and meaningful communication, reinforcing continued engagement in the problem-solving process, and supporting the fundamentals of a strong working and interpersonal engagement.  Whether you are at home, at work, with your family, coworkers, or friends, the level of encouragement that you can offer will continue to sustain the belief that the encounters you share will always have meaning, clarity, understanding, and reciprocity in the substance of the communication, and the understanding of the sentiment.

Encouragement is the as important as any of the preceding steps. It brings our heart into the center of this communication formula, and offers a little bit of ourselves, that little bit of sharing our spirit with another, that helps firmly establish trust, predictability, and openness to the spirit of another. 

For more information on Ed and his services visit  https://www.acoachforyourheart.com/