All of us want to "seen" by the people around us. We want to be recognized as unique individuals. Yet the experience of being seen in this way can be dispiritingly rare. This week, we kick off our "Relationships 2.0" series by talking with researcher Allison Pugh about the psychological benefits of what she calls "connective labor." She explains why this labor is often overlooked, and how to cultivate the superpower of making other people feel seen.  

In this episode, you'll learn: 

*The definition of connective labor, and why this skill is like "engine grease" for our personal and professional relationships.

*Why connective labor is vital to success in a surprisingly broad array of careers. 

*The gender stereotypes around connective labor, and why these stereotypes overlook the role that men play as connectors. 

*How connective labor affects our mental and physical health.

*How connective labor by teachers may affect students' ability to learn. 

*How to slow down in interactions with other people and explore the emotional context behind their words. 

If you have a follow-up question for Allison Pugh after listening to this episode, and you’d be willing to share it with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Once you’ve done so, email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “connection.” And thanks for listening! 

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Often in life, we find ourselves wrestling with a decision. But in running these mental calculations, there's something we rarely consider about the future: we might not be the same person when we get there. This week, philosopher L.A. Paul explores how life-altering events reshape who we are.

Want more of our work on understanding your future self? Give these Hidden Brain episodes a listen: 

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-how-to-see-yourself-clearly/

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-decide-already/

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-your-future-is-now/

https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/the-ventilator/

And for the latest insights about human behavior, delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for the weekly Hidden Brain newsletter! Each issue brings you the latest research, along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy. You can read and subscribe here: https://news.hiddenbrain.org/

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Have you ever been falsely accused of something? Many of us think there’s only one way we’d act in such a situation: we’d defend ourselves. We’d do whatever it takes to clear our name — and above all else, we’d never, ever confess to something we didn’t do. But psychologist Saul Kassin says that’s a myth. This week, we bring you a favorite 2022 episode about why we sometimes act against our own self-interest — even when the stakes are at their highest.

In this week's episode, you'll learn about:

• Why we often freeze and fail to defend ourselves when someone accuses us of something
• The various types of false confessions
• What happens in our minds when we're pressured to confess to something that we didn't actually do
• How police interrogation tactics are being used in workplaces and other organizations
• Potential solutions to the problem of false confessions 

For more on the psychological dimensions of criminal justice, check out our episode on the infamous Stanford prison experiment.

And if you'd like to check out the research of Saul Kassin and others on this topic, visit our web page for this episode. 

Episode image by Tama66, Pixabay. 

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When should you stay the course in life, and when should you shift with changing tides? This week, we bring you case studies from the world of business to explore the science of inflection points — changes that dramatically transform the course of events. Researcher Rita McGrath of Columbia University explains why we fail to see impending moments of upheaval, and what we can do to be more adept at spotting them.

What you'll learn from this week's episode:

• The definition of an inflection point, and how to identify it in your own professional or personal life.
• The four stages of inflection points, and how to take advantage of them.
• The warning signs that an inflection point might be passing you by.  

If you find today's episode to be interesting or insightful, please share it with one or two people in your life! Your recommendation is one of the best ways to help us connect new listeners to the ideas we explore on the show. And for more of our work, be sure to sign up for our newsletter. Every week, we'll bring you the latest research about human behavior, along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy. 

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Have you ever downplayed some aspect of your identity? Maybe you don’t hide it, but you don’t bring it up with certain people, either.  It turns out that these subtle disguises can have powerful effects on how we view ourselves. This week, we talk with legal scholar Kenji Yoshino about what happens when we soften or edit our true selves.

Do you have a follow-up question for Kenji Yoshino after listening to this episode? If you'd be comfortable sharing your question with the larger Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line "covering." Thanks! 

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What would you have done? It's one of the most enduring questions in psychology. We all like to think that in a moment of crisis, we'd rise to the occasion and show courage. And yet many of us have had experiences where we followed orders and did what we were told to do. This week, we talk with psychologist Sunita Sah about the reasons why many of us silence ourselves and follow orders, and how we can align our words and actions with our values.

In today's conversation, Shankar mentioned our episode with Timur Kuran, in which we talk about self-censorship and a concept called "preference falsification." You can find that episode here. And if you'd like to try Hidden Brain+ and hear our bonus conversation with Sunita Sah, you can sign up for a free trial at apple.co/hiddenbrain or support.hiddenbrain.org. Thanks for listening! 

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Last week on the show, we looked at the science of conversation, and how even ordinary chats can involve a delicate dance of coordination. This week, we explore the discussions we all dread: the tough ones. Telling someone they treated us poorly. Demanding a raise. Taking away an elderly relative's car keys. We talk with Alison Wood Brooks about what makes difficult conversations difficult, and a series of psychological techniques to help you navigate them.

If you missed part one of our conversation with Alison, be sure to check it out! It's titled "We Need to Talk."  Shankar also mentioned our episode with Julia Minson, in which we discuss how to keep conflicts from spiraling. You can find that conversation here. 

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Just because we’ve been doing something for a long time doesn’t mean we’re doing it right. One part of our lives where this may be particularly true is when we're talking with others. This week, we bring you the first of a two-part look at what makes someone skilled at socializing. Behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks explains why conversations are much more complex than most of us realize — and how to engage in a more meaningful back-and-forth with another person.

For more of our work on the art of conversation, check out these classic Hidden Brain episodes: 

Why Conversations Go Wrong

Relationships 2.0: How to Keep Conflict from Spiraling

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Holding a grudge can feel like a form of justice, a way of punishing those who have wronged us. But psychologist Fred Luskin says that more often than not, grudges don't hurt the targets of our anger. Instead, they only hurt us. This week, we explore the lingering effects of long-standing animosities, and how to let them go.

If you enjoyed today's conversation, be sure to check out these classic Hidden Brain episodes about apologies and forgiveness:

The Power of Mercy

Healing 2.0: The Power of Apologies

How to Make Amends

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"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." It's been 45 years since John Lennon sang that line, yet it's an idea that continues to speak to an uncomfortable truth. While we all like to think we have some measure of control over how our lives will unfold, our plans are often upended by unknown events and curveballs we couldn't have predicted. This week, we conclude our Wellness 2.0 series by talking with political scientist Brian Klaas. He studies how we respond to the random events that shape our lives, and how we can turn them to our advantage.

If you enjoy this episode, be sure to check out "Wellness 2.0: Engineering Luck," our companion conversation with Brian Klass for Hidden Brain+ subscribers. We'll talk about the unexpected benefits of embracing the role of randomness and chance in our lives. If you're not yet a member of Hidden Brain+, this is a particularly good time to give our podcast subscription a try. We’re extending our standard seven-day trial period for listeners on Apple Podcasts. Sign up in January and you’ll get 30 free days to try it out. If you're listening in Apple Podcasts, just go to the Hidden Brain show page and click "try free." Or you can go to apple.co/hiddenbrain and click "try free.” Thanks for listening and supporting the show — we really appreciate it. 

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