High Five: The Podcast

Do you even read books, bro? You know, those things made of paper that used to be in libraries before Amazon and the Kindle were invented. Well, at High Five: The Podcast we love it when we can skip a book and just watch the movie instead (like we did in high school), but that doesn't mean we excuse it when a movie adaptation of a good book is total shit. So, to honor that tradition, J & Q snuck into a library after closing and warded off all the librarian ghosts to sit down and talk about what it means to make a quality book-to-movie adaptation. It turned out to be good timing too because the day we committed B & E (booking-and-entering), Sony finally released the TrailerTown for The Dark Tower. We started our journey in Mid-World and ended up talking about what makes a good adaptation, what makes crappy one, and which ones we can't wait to see. So, close that book you aren't reading and listen to us talk about books you should read after you see their movies, so you can be one of those pretentious jerks that always says, "Eh, the book was better."

This is a true story.

The events depicted in this podcast took place in a mysterious Writer's Room in 2017. At the request of the hosts' wives, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the brain-dead, the rest is presented exactly how it occurred.

It's a little-known, but true, fact that when jingle writers wrote the phrase "Double your pleasure, double your fun," they were writing about the Coen Brothers and their illustrious film career. Yes, that commercial came out in 1986, a mere two years after the Coen Brothers' Blood Simple debut, but it was obvious they would go on to do great things. Over the course of their 17 films, the Coen Brothers have run the gamuts of genre, style, and tone, and on this episode, Q & J break down what makes them the master storytellers they are and which films rise to the top.

While trying to restrain from saying "bro" after every sentence, the guys also delve into some other famous director brother duos and hear from some sponsors that aren't Doublemint Gum (those sticklers wouldn't give us any money). It's a wild ride through cinematic excellence and family. We also discover, to our great surprise, that the Coen Brothers are, in fact, not M. Night Shyamalan. Who knew?!?!

You can call them One Season Wonders or Single Season Superstars, just don't call them late for dinner......or say they "got canned for a reason," because these are the Top 5 One Season TV Series. On this episode, J & Q spend some time exploring why some of the best TV shows in history only lasted one glorious season (spoiler alert: most of the time it's due to networks and producers being stupid dicks). Whether we're spending time in high school, with clones, fighting super villains, or flying through space, these are the cream of the crop that left us wanting more. You'll recognize a lot of the names behind these shows, even if you don't remember the shows themselves, but we're about to add a whole mess of good stuff to your watchlist.

When we're not exploring bad timeslots and the intricacies of meta-parodies, we hear from some second-favorite sponsors and dissect a classic terrible TV theme song. Trust us, you won't believe how nearly-racist some old TV shows kicked off their episodes. It's a free-for-all for good and bad shows alike. Fair warning, That 80s Show and Baby Bob don't make an appearance on either list and if you liked those shows, there are bigger problems at play. Seriously, what are you thinking? Jesus Christ.

We have a rule never to get involved with possessed people (it's really more of a guideline), but how can you rank the films of Bill Murray when everything he touches turns to cinematic gold? On High Five: The Podcast, we have such love for the man that we decided it was impossible and instead spent the hour simply discussing what makes Bill Murray so amazing. Live from the set of Garfield 4: Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, J & Q take you on a journey into the life, legacy, and ludicrousness of what takes a comedic actor from humble beginnings to, quite frankly, living legend status. When not making public pleas for the 800 number through which he reportedly decides on projects, we discuss his history of improvisation, the actor-on-actor feuds that fill his life, and the strange confusion that led him to act in Garfield. We've honestly never liked a girl well enough to giver her twelve sharp knives, but we've dedicated an entire Other Stuff Too to Bill Murray, so listen to it, your life might just depend on it.

If there's anything we love at High Five: The Podcast, it's long walks on the beach, a warm tray of Bagel Bites right out of the oven, and Denzel Washington. Once we get started talking about D-Wash (that's what we call him because we're on a better-than-first-name-basis), it's hard to stop. On this very special episode, Q and J break down the Top 5 Denzel Washington movies, which is a difficult task, seeing as how he's starred in over 40 movies (and he's great in all of them). It's almost as difficult as turning down a warm plate of Bagel Bites right out of the oven. Whether Denzel is revenging on fire, leading a cultural revolution, corrupting a police rookie, or holding up a hospital in a heart-heist, he's a perfect specimen and we're lucky to have him, nearly as lucky as someone with a warm plate of Bagel Bites right out of the oven.

It's a long road when talking Denzel, with a lot of mo' better blues, so we listen to some second favorite sponsors along the way. Also, in an effort to grease the wheels for our dream three-person date where we take Denzel out for drinks at Le Bain at The Standard and then back to our place for some warm Bagel Bites right out of the oven, we play the inaugural round of John Who, the world-famous Denzel Washington quiz game. So, it's time to wear your hearts on your sleeves and join us for this Denzel retrospective.

T. S. Eliot once wrote that the world would end not with a bang, but a whimper. Mr. Eliot must have been an avid television watcher, because he was spot on about the quality of series finales for some of our favorite shows. On this episode, Q and J take that lesson and rank the Top 5 worst finales from TV's greatest shows. These aren't the shittiest of the shit when it comes to TV, but rather shows that started off great and then limped across the finish line like Joe Theismann. Which shows meant well, but didn't stick the landing? Which ones did they just yell "MULLIGAN" in the writer's room and walk out to cash their checks? We'll bet some of your favorites are on this list.

In an effort to end strong, we play a rousing version of "Fix That Ending" and introduce some new second-favorite sponsors along the way. While this is far from the end of High Five: The Podcast, we celebrate the swan songs that were more like ugly duckling limericks. If you like the shows on our list, that's fine, we do too, but that doesn't mean their finales can't suck (and they do, trust us). Join us for a journey into the junk. You may even learn a little something something along the way.

[12:36A] The following audio was stitched together after the disappearance of two podcasts hosts, referred to here as Q and J, from [REDACTED]. The contents of this audio lead the government entities involved to believe it is a historical record of the Top 5 Found Footage movies of all time with the help of international [REDACTED]. From the woods surrounding Burkittsville, MD to the horrors of the Amazon to the national travesty in New York City, no great found footage film escapes discussion, with the shared #1 of [REDACTED].

When the horrors get too deep, we've changed audio frequencies to investigate related, second-favorite audio tapes as to not overwhelm whomever may come across these recordings. Even the playful interlude of the Found Libbage game, consisting of [REDACTED], can't mute the deep psychological depths of [REDACTED]. Listen at your own risk, but if you must listen, learn something along the way, lest you succumb to the same fate.

[These files have been leaked by [REDACTED] in the interest of public safety.]

And the Academy Award goes to.....La La Lan.......oh, wait.....it's High Five: The Podcast!! Yeah, that's an easy joke, but we made it, so shut up. J & Q sneak into the (newly-fired) PricewaterhouseCopper(s) empty office to dive into the biggest Oscars clusterfuck in history to bring you their thoughts on the annual awards show and what it means to each your humble hosts. Here's a hint: one of them hates them and one of them loves them. What does is mean to make art as a cinematic experience and what does it mean to just create a vehicle for more money, pomp and circumstance? Yeah, they get pretty heady, but then again, what are The Oscars all about if not an exercise in public masturbation. So sit back, stroke your golden statue, and enjoy this brand new edition of And Other Stuff Too!

Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong? J & Q, that's who! You'd better warm up that herbal lemon tea and do your vocal exercises, because the guys are kicking off their TV talk by breaking down the Top 5 TV Musical Episodes of all time. They cover all the right notes and there's not a Glee episode to be found (suck it, Glee). What's more magical than a well-made musical episode of your favorite show? Probably a unicorn playing a violin with a Ollivander wand, but that's beside the point. Get ready to sing along, because the guys have never sounded better.

Speaking of singing better than Macy Gray, Q & J play The Song Song (Song-Off) and challenge each other to musical trivia, where the loser has to sing the song of the other's choosing. In all honestly, we're probably all losers in that scenario. If that's not enough for you, they even hear from some second-favorite sponsors and dive into Q's adoration of musical theater. Trust us, you don't want to miss it. Be sure to stick around for the refrain!

In High Five: The Podcast Season 2, we're taking on new worlds, just like when the Ghostbusters or Clerks took on new lives as animated series, but WAY less sucky. To start off this season on a Buffy the Vampire Slayer high (and not a Lethal Weapon low), we'll be discussing what makes a good TV adaptation of a successful film. Is it really all about the actors involved, or can amazing films make shitty TV shows (the answer is "Most definitely, yes. Holy Lord God, save us")? Q and J discuss their favorite movie-to-TV adaptations and dive into the meat of why some work and why some deserve to be thrown into a wood chipper and eaten by sandworms. Put on your learnin' caps, because you're getting taken to SCHOOL in this thought-provoking Season 2 premiere of And Other Stuff Too!