Highly Sensitive, Happily Married

155   Sometimes you hear something that changes everything, and puts you in a state of mind that leads to finally being able to bring a big dream to life. This must listen episode may very well be that for you.

Because if you are like most of the women I talk to and work with, you want a new level of intimacy with your spouse: a real partnership that is tender, connected, deeply supportive and nurturing in all realms– intellectually, physically, emotionally, domestically, in terms of each other's dreams and inner life. You want to feel like your significant other is a true team with you in life.

And it's really important that you get this! For you, for our world, even for your partner.

But, this is really a NEW paradigm when it comes to committed relationships and marriage. It's still just emerging.

And, unfortunately, the old and recent paradigms of marriage that still live on in many of us (which I will explain today), are making it harder to bring our partners onboard and make this new, beautiful vision we have of marriage come to life. So we are left frustrated, disappointed, resentful, and questioning if we can have the kind of relationships we really want with our current partner.

It doesn't have to be this way. You CAN (in most cases) open the door for your partner to be that full partner you want, and your marriage to be the NEW supportive and nurturing-in-all-realms marriage we women want. Especially as an HSP.

To do so, it will help you SO MUCH to understand the old school paradigm of marriage, and how it still colors so much in our marriages, and also the recent (or current)  paradigm of marriage–both of which are, though perhaps empowering for one individual in the relationship, very relationally disempowering overall! We dive into this today.

Then you’ll learn about what it takes to leave those old painful paradigms behind, step into relational empowerment (not just individual empowerment), and finally birth the new marriage we want so badly.

This is an essential and healing episode that will soften and sweeten your world with forgiveness and understanding, as well as empower and compel you to relate to your partner in such a way that gets him collaborating to bring this new paradigm of marriage very much alive between you. Listen in.

SHOW NOTES:
Curious about getting personal, structured support in your own marriage? Learn all about the place to start: Foundations of Emotional Well-Being for HSP's HERE.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

•  Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
• Check out the Start Here Podcast Pathway for a suggested route through the most important episodes to start with or review — the ones that will help you feel calmer, more secure, and more hopeful in your relationship. 

154   Other people in your life  ( friends, family members',  and even professional "authorities" in your life) are going to have opinions on your spouse and your relationship, and they may share them with you. If you don't know how to handle this well, you may end up making things even harder in your relationship.

As highly sensitive people it can be all too easy to let our other's opinions –especially if they are in any way negative–color our own experience. And unfortunately, when it comes to our marriage's health and happiness, this can be quite problematic–even if they meant well.

I can't tell you how many times my clients have told me they felt EXTRA doubt and confusion about their marriage because someone in their life said something along the lines of “I don't think he’s right for you” or “I don’t know what you see in him.” (And sometimes it’s just what they THINK their friend thinks of their partner that causes pain, fear, and doubt.)

This can be crazy-making, and a total power-leak if your goal is to have a really good loving marriage.

So today you're going to learn how to handle other people's thoughts and opinions when it comes to your relationship–so you can grow the health of your marriage, instead of diminishing it.  We dive into: 

• What to do about other people’s opinions and advice, including how to discern when to take it on or not.
• How to stop something someone said about your spouse or marriage from seeping into you and giving it damaging weight or authority.
• Why their judgments and opinions are NOT that accurate (or important)
• Whose opinions really matter
• Who and what IS a trustworthy source of authority, wisdom and truth about your relationship and spouse. 
• And specific ways to get your friends and family to help you grow the marriage you want, instead of accidentally making things harder for you.

Even if you haven't ever been subject to hearing negative opinions about your spouse or relationship, if you have friends or family, this episode will help you, since all I share here can be applied to any opinion anyone shares with you about any realm of your life.

SHOW NOTES:
TAKE THE NEW 2 MINUTE QUIZ, "I Want A More Loving Connected Marriage. Where Do I Start?" It will identify the area that will make the biggest positive impact on your unique marriage when you focus on it.

Learn about and enroll in Treasured, Hannah's marriage coaching program for highly sensitive women, here. (Doors close for the YEAR June 20th)

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

•  Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
• Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.

153   As women, we often go to our friends and other people in our lives when something isn't going as well as we want with our partner, or when an issue comes up. And it’s only natural to want to get support that way. 

But, it is all too easy when we do that to fall into the toxic trap of griping, venting and male-bashing — even WITH the big sensitive conscientious hearts we tend to have as HSPs.

Some things in our culture are so widely practiced that they're accepted without any thought that they might be damaging. And this one is such a sneakily toxic part of our culture, with such damaging effects to our men,  to us and our relationships,  that it needs to be talked about, and faced.

So today we are going to dive into it, along with why it’s a problem for your relationship (and the world), why to stop doing it, and what to do instead to help your marriage become the loving, connected, fulfilling one you want–and still being able to go to your friend to get support and commune about your relationships!

I know you want to live in a world where relationships are filled with mutual respect, deep care, kindness, and real love, so come take a step towards bringing that to life in your own marriage today, and be part of leaving this emotionally destructive habit forever in the past.

SHOW NOTES:
TAKE THE NEW 2 MINUTE QUIZ, "I Want A More Loving Connected Marriage. Where Do I Start?"

Episodes to better understand men in relationship: 

• Revolutionizing Men, Their Feelings, And Love With Casey Desharnais  
• Men, Emotional Maturity, And Love (Or How To Invite Your Husband To Evolve)
• Men Being Honest About The Hard Stuff With Casey And Will

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

•  Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
• Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.

152   Not feeling as connected as you want to with your spouse? Feeling like you're not on the same page much these days, or you have sort of evolved AWAY from each other? I have been there and it doesn't feel good. But there is a way back that’s simple and straightforward. 

In this episode, you’ll hear a great remedy to bring more connection into your marriage–in ways BOTH you and your partner look forward to. It’s a process I’ve done myself that really helped me and my husband not just feel more connected, but also have a clear path to more of it forever into our future together.

Today's episode will share exactly how to make sure you have plenty of ways you and your spouse can be together that are fun and fulfilling to both of you. When you apply what I share, you will have the grounds for a more resilient, connected and fun life together into the future.  Dig in!

SHOW NOTES
Bring Back The Attraction, the new on-demand 45 minute course to that gives you 7 keys to spark more of the magical appeal you used to feel is now available here.

Want to know the very best starting place to focus on to improve your unique marriage? TAKE THE NEW 2 MINUTE QUIZ, "I Want A More Loving Connected Marriage. Where Do I Start?"

ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!

151  Most of the highly sensitive women  I talk to mention wanting their relationship to feel "lighter"-- easier, more carefree, more warmhearted.  And that IS a place where a lot of joy  can be found in our intimate relationships--if we can access that lightness. . .

The challenge is, as HSPs, we can tend to take things pretty seriously. Not a bad thing, by any means, but it can make it harder to feel that lightness so many of us long for.  So I made you a very "light" ( short and sweet) episode to give you a drop of that lightness right now.

Listen in to hear the one question that can open up a sense of lightness right away, and make space for more and more lightness to enter into your relationship--and whole life--as you let this way of seeing things integrate into you.

Please note that NONE of what I offer here is meant to dismiss or belittle the hard stuff that can comes along with intimate relationships ( that is very real and important to acknowledge). In fact, it is meant to help you navigate through any of that with more ease and peace. 

Let this episode seep into your cells over the coming week or more. . . and see what shifts in you and your marriage from there.

SHOW NOTES
Want to know the very best starting place to focus on to improve your unique marriage? TAKE THE NEW 2 MINUTE QUIZ, "I Want A More Loving Connected Marriage. Where Do I Start?"

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

•  Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
• Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.

150  I put out a call to you listeners for questions, and today I am going to answer three of them!

All three highly sensitive women’s questions are very relatable and have a somewhat similar theme:

How to handle being bothered by things their spouse does or ways he is, so they can feel better AND work with their spouse effectively in these situations. 

Specifically (but with a bit more detail).

1. Ella asks, “What are your recommendations for easing anger surrounding the innate stubbornness of your partner?” 
2. Nina asks, “How would you approach conflict with a husband in front of your kids?”
3.  Kelly asks, “I can't seem to train my brain to stop thinking negatively about my marriage, specifically about my hubby, and frequently wonder whether I should be in this marriage or not. What is causing this thinking?  It is very disconcerting. Any ideas?” 

I certainly do have ideas for them about what to do in all of these cases–and for you if you are ever annoyed, irritated, angry or frustrated with your partner, my answer will help you, too!

 Listen in to hear my coaching and strategic tips on how to handle these specific situations and feelings, so you can be much more successful in navigating these issues, as well as feeling more peace and happiness with your husband.

This episode is also a great way to tangibly tie a lot of my teachings together and apply them to real-life situations. So dig in.

SHOW NOTES:

Learn about or enroll in Treasured, Hannah's marriage coaching program for highly sensitive women, here. 

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

•  Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
• Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.

149   After 32 years of marriage, and the help of many different marriage counselors,  Kathy was looking at apartments and thinking of a future without her husband.

She just could hardly imagine being happy with him again. Nor did he seem interested in getting help for his side of the issue they had between them.

But,  after just a week or two of starting her work with me, not only did she start to feel really different, her husband started responding to her differently, too. 

And as she kept up her work on her side of the street, on how she was relating to him, guess what? He started to make bigger changes on his end, and even seek out support for himself.

So now they were both experiencing and building in more love between them and collaborating on creating a great future together, one where they are both getting their needs and wants met  harmoniously and happily.

How did Kathy do this? She tells us in this conversation where we discuss it all, as well as:

• How she’d been through lots of other sessions with other professionals that didn't change things, but how pleasantly surprised she was when she started to focus on herself, on who she is, on her own thoughts, and what she wanted to bring to the relationship, that things really–and suddenly–changed.
• How she freed herself from long-held resentment and finally got her husband on board to follow through on a promise he made and help her achieve a life-long dream of hers
• Why, after listening to the podcast without much change, working directly with me  made all the difference
• What she did to get her hubby on board to improve things between them together.
• How developing better boundaries (of two types), and learning how to “insource her value” made her marriage and all sorts of relationships in her life better
• What being part of a group coaching program was like for her as someone who is “not a group person”
• How no longer thinking of her sensitivity as something that was wrong with her, and learning how to honor the needs it brings, lead to just generally being happier and more carefree in her life. 

Kathy drops many bits of wisdom and insights for any HSP who is not as happy as they want to be in their relationship, and we cover quite a few universal issues and solutions for highly sensitive relationships, so listen in. 

This is such a great story for anyone wanting to not be alone in   working to improve your marriage, and  to understand what it takes to get your partner on board to collaborate on bettering your relationship together.

SHOW NOTES:
Learn about  how to work with Hannah here. 

ENJOYING THE SHOW?

•  Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!
• Get the Podcast Map by becoming a Podcast Supporter, so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.

148  If you're a woman between the ages of 35 and 55, you are going to want to catch this episode–and bring your spouse! Because this is a big transitional time for women and couples of this age range. And, even though the hormonal shifts that happen during this time have a bad rep, they actually bring along with them a big opportunity to grow the love, supportiveness, connection in your marriage, as well as start your “second spring” in life and love.

In this episode, I bring on Bria Gadd, a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner, holistic health coach, and personal trainer who specializes in female hormones, to talk about it all with me, and dish out her wisdom on how to use this time to benefit your marriage. 

Studies show that in 69% of divorces, it’s women who are the ones to initiate it. And often this is because in midlife, as hormones are shifting, many women start to feel like they want more, like they no longer want to settle for the same old same old in their relationship and life. If you don't understand what is happening, or how to support yourself in this time, like most women don't, (because the research is very new!), it can lead to a much harder time in your life and marriage!

But when you, and ideally your spouse, too , get educated about this perimenopausal time of life, it will allow you to work with yourself and your spouse to navigate this time in a way that can birth the best times of your marriage.

So listen in as Bria and I discuss all of that as well as:

• What we tend to struggle with during this time (no, you are NOT alone!!) 
• What is really going on for us women hormonally in these years, and how it affects us.
• How this time's a call to really self-educate and learn how to best support yourself
• Bria’s 4 pillars of what you need to thrive during this time and beyond, both physiologically and emotionally, 
• How to start healing from  hormonal imbalances and the exact starting places for you to get going today to avoid hormonal chaos, such as impatience, irritability, anxiety, insomnia, weight gain, lowered libido, and more, that can negatively impact your relationship and whole life at this time, and begin to truly thrive like never before in your life.

 Although the most important thing during this time is YOUR OWN self-support in very specific ways, when your partner understands what's really going on during this time, too, they can help support you through it, so you can both LOVE this (long) period of time of your lives, and beyond. This episode is the beginning of that.

SHOW NOTES:
Last chance to get The Foundations Of Emotional Well-Being for HSPs for FREE ! Join Treasured, Hannah's marriage transforming program for HSPs,  by Sunday April 14th, 2024. Click here to learn more.

To Find Bria:
The Period Whisperer Podcast
Instagram @bria_period_whisperer
Bria’s Quiz: “Are Your Hormones Holding You Back?” 

If you are at all curious about or interested in what coaching can do for you and your relationship, or even what it IS, this bonus episode will help clarify that, and what my specific version of it, for highly sensitive people,  is all about. Since I have changed a few things over the years in what and how I offer marriage coaching, I wanted to update you about those changes as well as help answer some common questions about it all.

So listen in to here the answers to these questions (I recommend listening to the full episode, but you can also pick and choose which question you want to hear the answer for by jumping to that time in the episode, noted by each question):

• What is marriage/relationship coaching and Hannah’s program, Treasured? (@ 4 mins)
• Who is it for? (@ 7 mins 10 seconds)
• Why is Treasured different and will it work if other things haven't? (@10 mins 15 seconds)
• Can my partner and our relationship really change if it’s only me working on my end of things? (@18 mins 25 secs) 
• Why a group program for such a personal thing? Will I be helped as much as I would be in 1:1? (@ 22 mins 51 secs)
• What are the specifics of how it works? (29:45)
• Why would I do a coaching program, instead of just doing it on my own, like from the podcast? (33:48)
• How do I enroll? (36:09)
• Can I talk to you before committing? (37:11)

If you want a happier, more fulfilling, loving dynamic between you and your spouse, you’ve got to find out how coaching can help. Listen in.

SHOW NOTES:
Treasured description and info page
Treasured FAQ
To get started, fill out The Great Mutual Fit Form here.

147  Gina, a client who worked with me in Treasured, had been totally disconnected from her husband and lonely in her marriage for 20+ years. The connected intimacy we love as sensitive people? There wasn’t any of it.

She wasn’t sure she could change things much after all those years, or how totally disconnected they were,  but she was clear she didn't want her life to feel that way forever, and so she dove into the work.

Low and behold, as you’ll hear, nowadays she and her husband are really connected and even quite affectionate with each other (they started to be just several weeks into our work together). And as she led the way in reconnecting, her husband started joining her in building more and more intimacy between them, so now building and enjoying more and more connection is a totally mutual thing for both of them.

How did she do it? Listen in and she will tell you!

In our conversation, Gina opens up about what things were like with her husband for so long, why and how she completely – and quite quickly – changed things between them, and what the biggest keys were for her that made all of this possible.

Listen in to get a dose of hope and inspiration, and hear some great marriage and emotional well-being wisdom from this highly sensitive connection maestro!

SHOW NOTES:

Learn about or enroll in Treasured, Hannah's marriage coaching program for highly sensitive women, here.

ENJOYING THE SHOW?
Get the Podcast Map , so you can quickly identify the episodes most helpful for your unique relationship, by supporting the podcast (for as little as $3) HERE.
 
Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Stitcher. Leave  a review in Apple Podcasts--we are SO grateful!