Signs of life, or a reanimated corpse? Lauren and Rosa try to process the trauma of having that longed-for win (and the joy of THAT Xavi goal) snatched from them at, not coincidentally, the death. Walk with us as we descend ever deeper into the bowels of hell. If a miracle is coming to save us, please let it be soon.

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So…that’s probably that, then? Bye and thanks for nothing, Tottenham Hotspur.

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It’s official: Roberto De Zerbi is the new Tottenham manager, and we’ll just have to make the best of it. Alas, we also need that energy for Spurs Women after their FA Cup exit at Chelsea. We’ll beat them one day. Probably. Surely?? At least Lauren and Rosa can celebrate watching the same show at the same time now that The Pitt is finally - FINALLY - on British telly. We take the wins wherever we can find them.

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More managers than home league wins. It’s the end of the Tudor era - but is it the beginning of a new reign of terror? Ash, Lauren and Rosa get into it about Roberto De Zerbi - all of it. Elsewhere, another miserable away NLD for the women and a bad moment for Martin Ho. At least Ash and Lauren might have Jamaica to cheer on in the World Cup? 🙏

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The week that Tottenham fans showed up…but no one else did. The HG crew rank their levels of existential despair after that terrible performance, and wonder where we go from here. Are they really going to hire someone called ADOLF - or someone even worse? Spurs Women offer a glimmer of hope after their latest Bunny Shaw ordeal with the genuine thrill of a new Olivia Holdt contract. Plus! Find out where we all stand on the biggest issue of the day: Jorginho vs Chappell Roan.

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Monday morning without a side of existential dread! What a concept. Tottenham showed some fight - at long last - to earn a point at Anfield. A draw has never felt more like a win. Meanwhile, the stadium curse has fully infected the women’s team as they fell to Everton, in a game we’ve all seen approx 1678 times before. Plus! Timmy C has the most Marty Supreme, and therefore the most COYS, Oscars night ever.

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Five goals conceded. Two concussed players. One generationally catastrophic goalkeeping performance. Just another regular week of Tottenham Hotspur. THANK GOD the women are back.

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Weeks go by. Seasons change. And yet, Tottenham cannot win a game of league football. Lauren and Rosa fight both PGMOL and the yawning abyss, and wonder if it’s time to call it: yes, Tottenham are terrible, but also…is men’s football just over?

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This week: death and glory. Spurs men plummet to the depths of the abyss while the women fight to the end for victory in the cup. We have an emotional status check in, make battle plans to take on PGMOL, discuss coping mechanisms, and simply cannot choose between all the magnificent performances from Monday night at the Copperjax stadium. But Martin said they didn’t practise penalties?????

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Johan and Vinai finally found the password to Fabio Paratici’s account, so welcome, Igor Tudor! And farewell Johnny Heitinga, we hardly knew you. History puns, short-lived jobs, little (giant) fires everywhere…a lot to get through for Billie, Lauren and Rosa this week. There’s also the small matter of Spurs Women’s era-heralding 7-3 (that’s SEVEN) defeat of Aston Villa: which of the 6 (SIX) different goalscorers did it best? And are microdramas the next big thing (sorry)?

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