Five goals conceded. Two concussed players. One generationally catastrophic goalkeeping performance. Just another regular week of Tottenham Hotspur. THANK GOD the women are back.

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Weeks go by. Seasons change. And yet, Tottenham cannot win a game of league football. Lauren and Rosa fight both PGMOL and the yawning abyss, and wonder if it’s time to call it: yes, Tottenham are terrible, but also…is men’s football just over?

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This week: death and glory. Spurs men plummet to the depths of the abyss while the women fight to the end for victory in the cup. We have an emotional status check in, make battle plans to take on PGMOL, discuss coping mechanisms, and simply cannot choose between all the magnificent performances from Monday night at the Copperjax stadium. But Martin said they didn’t practise penalties?????

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Johan and Vinai finally found the password to Fabio Paratici’s account, so welcome, Igor Tudor! And farewell Johnny Heitinga, we hardly knew you. History puns, short-lived jobs, little (giant) fires everywhere…a lot to get through for Billie, Lauren and Rosa this week. There’s also the small matter of Spurs Women’s era-heralding 7-3 (that’s SEVEN) defeat of Aston Villa: which of the 6 (SIX) different goalscorers did it best? And are microdramas the next big thing (sorry)?

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This is your space for minimal chaos and maximum competence: our monthly Spurs Women deep dive. Have the new signings settled? How will we cope without Clare & Toko in March? Which golazo against West Ham was our favourite? All that, and a Bad Bunny Super Bowl review. Excellence abounds.

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Cuti Romero: hero, villain, both, or neither? Relegation: this season, next season, or the one after? It’s the end of everything and the beginning of nothing: Lauren, Rosa and Tom unpack another frankly insane week in the life of Tottenham Hotspur. Somehow Actual Madonna Ciccone showing up to watch both Spurs Women academy AND Spurs Women at the stadium feels totally normal. (Please buy the club!)

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“Unbelievable, but true and disgraceful”
One weekend, two games, three golazos. Xavi has finally arrived. So has Matilda Vinberg? Things on the pitch are looking up! Shame about the most incompetent, inexplicable, embarrassing transfer window yet. We have opinions. And so does our captain, Comrade Cuti Romero. This is the way.

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Two games, one point, an utter debacle of a weekend. Lauren and Rosa debate strategies for getting through the rest of the season in the absence of a managerial sacking, show Xavi and his grandma some love, and reset their expectations for Spurs Women. (But miss us with any ‘Dr Tottenham’ labels for Martin Ho’s team.)

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Ash, Lauren and Rosa discuss the diverging fortunes of Spurs men and women. On the one hand: the season is over. Injuries are piling up. No discernible transfer strategy in sight.

On the other: SIGNE GAUPSET

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