Honestly? Hell Yeah

Picture this: You're walking through the mall one day when a noticeably Mormon woman approaches you to let you know that she's got a homemade maxi skirt with a jelly-filled donut pattern all over it in the trunk of her car that she thinks would look *perfect* on you. You follow this denture-sucking lady to her car and she shows you the most fucked up maxi skirt you've ever seen in your life...and it's perfect. The next thing you know, you're peddling your breast milk to every hospital in town, hoping to accrue the capital necessary to buy into the maxi skirt business and start schilling them yourself on Facebook Live. The money starts rolling in and you're living the dream, taking pictures with Mario Lopez and getting even closer to finally retiring your husband. But then one day, you're suddenly expected to sell neon zebra-print leggings that are soaking wet and smell like farts...will you rise to the occasion and hustle and flow your way to the top? Or succumb to crippling debt, default on all of your loans, lose your family, and never work in this town again? This is life in a post-LulaRoe society, and the leggings just ain't as buttery as they used to be. Tune in!

Yeeee-hawwww, y'all! Summer is finally high-tailin' it on out of here and we're happier than two hogs in a hallow. To celebrate, we're roundin' up all of the highlights of our summertime viewing: From M. Night's new summer romp Old to the light-hearted hit Mare of Eastown, a bubbly viewing of 30 Days of Night to the 2002 summer blockbuster One Hour Photo, and other summer classics such as Marriage or Mortgage, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Sex & the City, and the White Lotus, it's clear that we had one *kick-ass* summer...and that we're not depressed AT ALL. There's something for everyone so gather 'round, 'y'all and kiss help us kiss this summer goodbye from our 5150! Tune in!

Since America's inception, there have been countless tragic events that have shaped the nation into what we know it as today: genocide, The Great Depression, the assassination of JFK, 9/11, the list goes on. We go to painstaking lengths to teach our children of our history's mistakes so that we won't be doomed to repeat them. However, there is one national tragedy that has slipped through the fingers of those who should know better for far too long, disappearing into undue obscurity until now: Woodstock '99. In the new HBO documentary, we are treated (subjected) to a behind the scenes look at the inner workings of a music festival so notorious and barbaric that Fred Durst himself had to all but change his entire identity. Join us as we ask the questions we deserve the answer to in this post-Woodstock '99 world we find ourselves living in: Why do white people insist on rolling around in mud? What did Jewel ever do to deserve...this? Why do we mosh? Why aren't more people afraid of Korn? What did the Backstreet Boys ever do to anybody? And most of all, WHY? It's the very festival that walked so that Fyre Fest could run...tune in!

It's the very movie that inspired this great (ahem) podcast, a movie that has been discussed at excruciating length throughout the bulk of our 15-year friendship, but ultimately a movie that we said we would never cover...until now. After almost two years of weighing in on topics we had no business commenting on and publicly humiliating ourselves in the process, we finally feel like we are ready to address one of the heaviest-hitting documentaries known to HBO: There's Something Wrong With Aunt Diane. In 2009, supermom Diane Schuler packed up her two children along with her three nieces into her minivan after a weekend camping trip and drove 80mph into oncoming traffic until she would make a violently fatal oncoming collision that would kill her, her daughter, her three nieces, and three other men. After her death, a toxicology report would reveal that she was--for lack of better term--cross-faded to the highest degree. While this may seem like a tragic case of reckless drunk driving, her remaining family refuses to believe it could be as simple as that, going on the media warpath to clear Diane's name in the eyes of their community. Join us as we dissect everything we know about this case, drawing our own conclusions, and even managing to have some LoLs where there none to be had. Also, drink every time Jen accidentally refers to Diane as "Danielle." Tune in!

It's the movie we all asked for but that none of us deserved; the downright offensive, albeit lovable sequel to the coveted, yet problematic series that shaped a nation of insecure, but empowered women: Sex and the City. Join us as we catch up with our beloved frenemies Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte as they navigate their twilight years living, laughing, and loving in the very city that chewed them up and swallowed them whole. Between cheating husbands and runaway grooms, vanilla sex and horny dogs, Carrie's Mexicoma and Charlotte's Poukeepsied pants, we learn that the more things change, the more they stay the same. And just like that, we ask you to tune in!

After a long, difficult, and gut-wrenching journey, the story of John Wayne and Lorena Bobbitt finally comes to an end. Following extensive court proceedings and a media firestorm, Lorena is acquitted of malicious wounding and avoids jail time. After 45 days in a mental hospital and the dust settles, our Lord and Savior Lorena is finally free to move on from her abuser and the court system, which she does with effortless grace, propelled by her mission to help women who had shared experiences to her. John Wayne, on the other hand, uses his new-found "fame" to get more experimental dick surgery (BIG botch job), does a series of ill-advised porn videos, gets hired (and fired) as a doorman at a brothel, and winds up in and out of prison after a series of domestic violence offenses and poorly carried-out TJ Maxx swindles. Join us as we kiss Lorena goodbye, and have one last LoL at John Wayne. Tune in!

It was truly a juicy time to be alive: it was the early '90s and the tabloids were flooded with coverage from the Menendez brothers trial, the Tanya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan scandal, Mary Kay Letourneau's repeated offenses, O.J. Simpson, and the ongoing saga of John Wayne Bobbitt's severed penis at the hands of his wife, Lorena. The gut-wrenching details of abuse are pouring out in court, fueling the defense's claim that Lorena was experiencing an "irresistible impulse" to cut her husband's dick off after finally being pushed to her limit. Join us this week as we rub elbows with alleged carpet baggers and poachers, join 1990s America in laughing at John Wayne in a thong, and lots more! Tune in!

After the dust had settled from the event of Lorena Bobbitt severing her husband's useless dick off came the court proceedings and subsequent media storm. While Lorena was pleading her case as a tragically abused and desperate woman driven to take extreme measures of protection, John Wayne was living, laughing, loving in the welcoming arms of Howard Stern and morning zoo talk shows alike, Hooters, and the rehab ranches of the Wild West. He was now considered a D-list celebrity known only for having a Frankendick and being too dumb to function, and he was LOVING it. However, those close to the couple were coming out in droves to support Lorena and tell the truth about her poor excuse of a husband. Join us as we wade through the muddy waters to see clearly that a lobbed off dick was the least of what John Wayne actually deserved after his years-long offenses committed against Lorena. Tune in!

Her name has been on the tip of our lips for nearly 3 decades and yet there have been more wild misconceptions of her story than understood truths. She's Lorena Bobbitt, and in the late night of June 23, 1993, she took a knife to her husband, John Wayne's limp, drunk dick and cut it clean off. The events to follow would include a frantic manhunt for a stray penis, experimental surgery, gut-wrenching testimonies of spousal r*pe, and eventual misguided fame and misfortune. In Lorena (2019), executive producer Jordan Peele sets out in 4 parts to set the record straight and rid Lorena of her bad reputation once and for all. Join us for episode 1 where we make shaky attempts at understanding the actual anatomy of a penis, begin a running tally of the reasons why John Wayne Bobbitt is a fucking loser, establish that just because you worship and would kill or be killed for another man's dick doesn't mean you're gay or nothin' (OKAY?), and so much more! Tune in, babes!

At long last, Murder March Madness (March Murder Madness...? I don't know, who cares?) has come to a close as we submit our final entry to this month's theme with the glossy, high-budge' ABC special, Truth & Lies: The Menendez Brothers. Once again, we are blindsided with misunderstandings of the OG "Trial of the Century" but have since learned our lesson! Join us as we surprise even ourselves with a Wilson Phillips duet, unsurprisingly fuck up California geography, wax poetic on the hotness levels of the brothers Menendez, and ask the question on EVERYONE'S mind: Who the fuck is Lyle?? Tune in!