Honestly? Hell Yeah

Many-if not most- people dedicate their lives to securing a spot in Heaven, and more importantly, avoiding an eternal sentence in Hell. Now, what these God-fearing folks don't know is that there is a place on Earth much more evil than any depiction of Hell, where all the demons and douchebag filmmakers go to wreak havoc, and that place is Gary, Indiana. In Demon House, we are treated to a $22M rendezvous with the Devil himself, shepherded by his Monster-fueled henchman named Z-A-K. Join us as we discuss the parallels between being possessed and just being a teenager, the parallels between being possessed and just being a white guy from the midwest, the parallels between being possessed and just being drunk, and so much more (including a riveting sidebar on the tapetum lucidum!) Don't miss out!

Yeeee-haw, girls! It's that time of year again in Sweetwater, TX. where the birds are chirpin', the season is changin', and the rattlers are rattlin', just waitin' to be rounded up, beheaded, and ceremoniously skinned alive! That's right, y'all, it's the annual Rattlesnake Roundup and along with the ritualistic genocide of any and all nearby rattlesnakes, a new flock of hopeful young ladies lines up to participate in the yearly Miss Snake Charmer beauty pageant. Please join us as we explore the rights of teen pharmacists, forget who Mike Pence is, reveal ourselves to be utterly talentless, and finally learn that maybe, just maybe, snakes IS one of us. Tune in!

Well, sheeeit. We're headin' on down south to run a-goddamn-mok with the most rootin', tootin', Mad Dog-shootin' specimen known to man: the Florida Man. Joined by a bona fide Florida Man himself, Rhett Anderson is back to shed some light on the land from which they hail, and we quickly learn that the mean streets of Pensacola to Daytona ain't for everybody. Crack open a cold one and tune in as we consider the logistics of "doin' it" on a rotten beam under a pier, shod ourselves, refuse the combination of socks and sandals once and for all, and SO MUCH MORE. And for your ultimate listening pleasure, please watch Florida Man on YouTube and do not listen to this episode sober...please.

Kowabunga, dude! Welcome to Action Park, where the water is dangerously cold, ALL employees are underage, the rides WILL kill you, and the beer flows like blood down a poorly constructed alpine slide! Built by teenagers and funded by a disgraced Wall Street scammer, Action Park was the premier location for horny teens to drunkenly pressure each other into death-defying acts of amusement park bravery, or unfortunately run the risk of being called a "pussy"...and they LOVED IT. It was a lawless land with only two unspoken rules: 1) You have to pay to get in or else you get electrocuted by a cattle prod and 2) If you get violently injured or die, you better not sue. What's not to like?! Now--and hear us out--we suspect this lewd oasis posed a host of problems that, in hindsight, are as clear as a freshly-filled wave pool, and we're diving in. Tune in!

☹︎✋︎💧︎❄︎☜︎☠︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ☜︎🏱︎✋︎💧︎⚐︎👎︎☜︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎ ☝︎✋︎✞︎☜︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☟︎⚐︎☠︎☜︎💧︎❄︎☹︎✡︎✍︎ ☟︎☜︎☹︎☹︎ ✡︎☜︎✌︎☟︎ 🏱︎⚐︎👎︎👍︎✌︎💧︎❄︎ ✌︎ 👌︎🕆︎☠︎👍︎☟︎ ⚐︎☞︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎☼︎ 💣︎⚐︎☠︎☜︎✡︎📬︎ 👌︎☹︎✌︎👍︎😐︎ ☹︎✋︎✞︎☜︎💧︎ 💣︎✌︎❄︎❄︎☜︎☼︎📬︎ ✌︎👍︎✌︎👌︎📬︎ 👌︎☜︎ ☠︎✋︎👍︎☜︎📬︎ ❄︎☟︎✌︎☠︎😐︎💧︎✏︎

Wow, an amazing correspondence from the extraterrestrial! Now, we're no UFOlogists, but if we had to guess what it means, we'd say that they're trying to tell us to definitely watch Curse of the Man Who Sees UFOs, listen to this episode, drink every time Danielle accidentally refers to Christo as Kenny, avoid crapping your pants on a golf course at all costs, and stop being a fucking furry! And that we must all heed their warning...or else! Tune in!

In our most profound act of dignified journalism to date, we sit down with the star and directors of one of the most popular documentaries we've covered to date: SOAP or DIE. First, tune in to hear the one and only Ryan Jaunzemis wax poetic about wearing a mask at Buffalo Wild Wings, new projects he has in the works (and yes, they do involve rhythmic gymnastics), give dating advice to Juggalos, and SO much more. Then, at the 43:10 mark, listen in as we clown around with directors Logan Shillinglaw IV and Grey Keith, covering topics such as LARPing, Catfishing, the biggest Soap shoes ever made, and of course the inside scoop on how one of the greatest documentaries of our time was made. DO NOT MISS THIS EPISODE! And Chris Morris, if you're reading this, we were just joking around!

THE END IS NEAR! THE END IS NEAR! YOU MUST REPENT! THE END IS NEAR! Or, like, it was. Once upon a time--almost a whole decade ago--there was a smallish group of people who believed that on May 21, 2011, the Earth and all the graves on it would open up for God to rescue all of the worthy souls to take to Heaven and leave all the sinners to endure 5 months of utter destruction. ***SPOILER ALERT*** That didn't happen. In Wheat & Tares, we follow a group of families preparing for the end by spending every last penny they've ever made and burning every last bridge they ever built in the hopes of being the chosen ones swept right out of their clothes and up to Heaven. Join us this week as we attempt to check the math of an actual dinosaur skin walker, present M. Night Shayamalan with the opportunity of a lifetime, swim in lava, and a whole bunch more. Tune in...or else!

At long last, the final episode of our first annual limited series Apologust is here. On the last stop of the Apology Tour 2020, we make a wonderfully sloppy attempt at total forgiveness by bringing up all the things we just hoped you'd forget about, and even drag in our one and only guest to beg for mercy. Tune in one last time, and please accept our humble apologies!

1969 was an iconic year in American history. From it spawned the Summer of Love, Woodstock, the Charles Manson murders, and of course one of the most radical activist groups the country has ever known: The Weather Underground. Made up of a bunch of bona fide genius hotties, this group of revolutionary movers and shakers were taking it to the streets to violently overthrow American capitalism, war, and racism as we knew it through the use of homemade pipe bombs and relentless orgies. While only marginally successful in making a difference since we're still fighting the good fight in this godforsaken year known as 2020, we have no choice but to stand in solidarity with the bravest, most motivated, and HOT hippies the nation has ever known. Join us as we strategically stroke the egos of the FBI, shout out our alumni from the Chocolate Muffin Kiosk Club, and discuss the right and wrong times to 69 your comrade! Tune in!

Whether you have been an avid listener, or have only tuned in for 45 seconds, it's glaringly obvious that we're fully drunk at all times of recording...and for that, we're fucking sorry, okay? We're also sorry for often times neglecting to abide by the themed-cocktail rule we've put upon ourselves, and for also coming up with DISGUSTING cocktails to fit the theme along the way (banana mules, anyone?) So pour yourself a stiff one and tune in to hear us drunkenly grovel for your SPIRITual forgiveness.