Honestly? Hell Yeah

It's safe to say that we have all had roommates sent directly From Hell ™ to permanently wreak havoc on our lives and domain in ways we'll never forget. Sometimes they steal our hooch, or throw away our mail, maybe they'll even set the house ablaze with pizza rolls left in a 500*F oven for 6 hour straight. But have you ever had a relationship with your roommate so volatile that you stoop so low as to accuse them of "giggling falsely?" In Shut Up, Little Man, we are treated to the voyeuristic journey of a life time, as two punk kids begin secretly recording the utter blowouts of their grumpy old male neighbors, and what they catch on tape turns out to be comedic gold that takes their San Francisco community by storm. Join us as we recklessly stereotype people from Wisconsin, cruelly eviscerate community theater (again), and of course *beep* *beep* while *beeping* and *beep*, but still *beeeeeeeeep!* Tune in!

Listen, we know our sound is bad...very, very, very bad, and we're fucking sorry, okay? We have no idea what we are doing in most facets of life, but man, are we useless when it comes to Podcast Sound Engineering™, and probably will be until someone wants to pay to send us to podcast college. Until then, tune in to hear us grovel for your forgiveness over poor audio regarding our poor audio.

Once upon a time, a new shoe design would hit the market and change the world as we knew it. An unsuspecting sneaker adorned with a plastic plate cupping the bottom of the bridge, allowing its master to effortlessly grind on curbs, rails, picnic tables, and virtually any long object with a hard edge that you can imagine; and they were called Soap shoes. Suddenly skateboarders and rollerbladers were forced watch from the sidelines as Soapers ruled the rails of the skatepark and streets alike, led by their fearless king, Ryan Jaunzemis. In Soap or Die, we follow the first (only?) and last professional Soaper as he describes his thrilling life before and during Soap, and his shameful fall from grace after sending a hateful email that would shock the Soap community (and his mom) forever. You might be wondering what could be left for a disgraced Soaper after the company shuttered, and we're here to tell you that it most certainly involves getting banned from the UK, releasing a single called "Poppin' Dem Motorollas," becoming a pick-up artist in Vegas, and not much more. But what happens when fate allows you to don another pair of plastic-plated sneakers all these years later? Tune in and find out!

In the first installment of our limited series, Apologust, we attempt to make amends with virgins and flumpy dumpers once and for all, and boy, do we have a lot to atone for. We hope you tune in, and accept our heart-felt apology that we will probably have to apologize for in the future.

Through the years, the music industry has produced some pretty infamous couples: Sonny & Cher, Sid & Nancy, J.Lo & Puff Daddy, and of course Kurt & Courtney, whose tragic demise would ROCK the world (get it, guys? Because they were rockers in rock bands. Nirvana and Hole. Rockers…rocking the world). When Kurt Cobain was found dead with a bullet wound to the head on April 8th, 1994, many believed that Kurt had succumbed to the demons of his depression and heroin abuse by taking his own life. However, when a limp-dick BBC reporter starts poking around the mean streets of Washington looking for answers surrounding Kurt's death, he uncovers a widespread hatred for his wife, Courtney and is compelled to get everyone in the world who ever met her to talk as much shit about her on camera as possible (journalism!) This week, Jen & Danielle do their best to stay on topic despite extensive sidebars on krautrock, Dave Grohl's likability, the differences between a shock JOCK and a shock ROCKer, and generally just fucking hating this stupid movie. If you want to hear their extensive, long-winded opinions on a topic they couldn't really care less about, and maybe even have a bunch of LOLs along the way, tune all the way in!

Lights! Camera! Action! It's pilot season in Hollywood, baby, and the streets are flooded with young hopefuls willing to sell their souls for a big break—or really any work you'd be willing give them for any amount of money (please). In The Hollywood Complex, we follow some of the desperate parents putting their children, homes, families, jobs, financial security, dignity, pride, integrity, etc. all on the line to move into dumpy studio apartments in search of Hollywood STARDOM! It's a dog eat dog world out there, as we learn that the life of a struggling child star consists of lousy continental breakfasts, Diet Coke, and pretend Oscar speeches at best, and racial profiling, utter rejection, traumatizing coaching, and wayyyyyy too many hot dogs at worst. As two HIGHLY sought-after, very FAMOUS, and RICH Hollywood virtuosos, Jen and Danielle are ready to pull back the curtain and show how the sausage gets eaten—or made, or whatever. Tune in!

Guys! We have pretty decent sound quality this week! Too bad it's wasted on this absolute snooze-fest of a documentary, Team Foxcatcher! This may come as a shock to some of you, but we don't know shit about Olympic wrestling, being rich, or really anything that men do, in general. Never fear, though, because we are still fully willing to give our uninformed opinions on (water) polo, athletic philanthropy, "American royalty," and lots more! Please tune in for the most homoerotic venture into the lamest documentary neither of us could stay awake for to date! Exclamation point!

Hear ye, hear ye! Do you enjoy dressing up from head to toe in felt? Do you spend countless hours practicing your sword-wielding prowess in your mom's backyard? Do you survive off a steady diet of little else but Mountain Dew and frozen burritos? Are you a hopeless virgin? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, we have just the place for you: Monster Camp! Nestled in Millersylvania State Park outside of Seattle exists a world populated by dragons, elves, fairies, rat gladiators, goblin kings, and any other fantastical creature you can dream up making it up as they go to fight to the death for some fake, unintelligible reason. That's right, people: We've got a bunch of LARPing incels on our hands and we are going where no sexually experienced person has dared to go before. Join us as we feebly attempt to understand the laws of the lawless games these jokers play, consider the different shapes, sizes, and patterns neckbeards take on, cast devastating spells, and so much more! Please bear with us as the sound quality is as bad as ever, but the LOLs are heartier than ever! Tune in!

It's a pastime as American as baseball, watching TV, or suing your neighbor: the act of spending hours, days, months, and even years on the internet convincing a person to fall in love with you under false pretenses. There's a name for such an activity, and it all comes from the 2010 cultural juggernaut documentary, Catfish. This week, Jen and Danielle follow some poor little rich boys to the shadiest corner this side of the dark net as they dive head first into an long distance and ill-advised friendship with a mysterious 8-year-old horse girl that—big surprise—isn't as it seems! Join us as we consider the necessary precautions to take when visiting Michigan, point out the countless red flags that go unnoticed when being catfished, and even embark on the role-paying opportunity of a lifetime as we exchange the most luke-warm sexts two strangers could possibly muster up on the 4th of July in 2008. Tune in already, and God bless America!

Jen and Danielle are a goddamn mess, y'all, but that's not going to keep them from bringing the LOLs this week as they discuss the hottest doc of the year, TREAD. It's Grumpy Old Men meets Michael Bay as a super complicated (simple) land feud between a bunch of old white guys turns into utter (mild) destruction when a fortified bulldozer wreaks havoc on a sleepy mountain town in the name of JUSTICE ("God's plan"). We cover a lot of ground in this episode—or at least as much as a huge piece of machinery can going 8 mph—as we discuss the semen-laced inner-thoughts of a man in a hot tub, concrete dust, the need for everyone in 2004 to jerk off to Vin Diesel, and a whole lot more. And this may come as a surprise to some of you, but we have no idea what mufflers are comprised of, or how land ownership works in regards to sewage lines. Tune in!