With every generation comes an event so significant that the memory of your own experience during that time comes into question throughout your lifetime: Where were you when you heard that Prince died? How old were you when Mary Kay Letourneau announced she was pregnant with Vili Fualaau’s baby? Remember when you watched Britney Spears’ 2007 VMA performance? And of course, do you remember where you were during the attacks on 9/11? Apparently, for some lady named Tania Head, the memory is a little foggy as she cements herself as The Woman Who Wasn’t There. Join us in our first-ever remote Skype recording as we discuss the 9/11 celeb circuit, the inappropriate nature of an ill-fitting brown button-up, the illegitimacy of Meredith Vieira, and so much more! Disclaimer: the sound quality is less than average, but we’re just two girls living in a COVID-19 world. Tune in!

 This week, we abandon our regularly scheduled programming as we spill our Moscow mule-filled guts, dishing about the ramifications of the COVID-19 pandemic. We try to bring as many LoLs as we can amongst the anguish of this global meltdown. Do we succeed? Tune in and find out!

Beware ladies, the boys in blue are after you. And they want to kidnap you and cook you and eat you?? Or at least one of them does. In Thought Crimes: The Case of the Cannibal Cop, we meet a butthole-eyed, flumpy dumper of a NYPD cop named Gilberto Valle, whose deepest, darkest desires to hunt and eat the women in his life were put on blast when his wife discovered his disturbing and humiliating cyber sexts with other horny cannibals. But without ever actually fulfilling any of the plans he made to achieve his dreams, did he actually commit a crime? Join us as we shed our esteemed legal opinions on this landmark case, question this amateur’s cooking techniques, and establish ACAB once and for all! Tune in!

Look, there are a lot of wild conspiracy theories out there: Pizzagate, chem trails, flat Earth, Sandy Hook was a hoax, some pretty out-there stuff to be sure. However, have you heard that Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is actually about hot, sexy MINOTAURS? Or that it’s actually subtle peace pipe porn? Or how about the idea that the Shining is actually a letter from Stanley Kubrick to his wife confessing that he filmed the “fake” footage of the first moon landing? Gather ‘round folks, because Room 237 has managed to assemble the nation’s most prolific virgins to weigh in with their revelations on this classic piece of cinema. Joined by special guest, Rhett Anderson, we drunkenly dissect this virgin manifesto, wondering if Tom Cruise is even allowed in a Big & Tall store, try to find answers in baking powder, describe metaphoric dick-sucking in grave detail, and a whole lot more! Heeeeeere’s Johnny!

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Easing into Eagle pose, your charkras are aligned and your third eye is open, on the precipice of ultimate enlightenment when from the sky comes a voice telling you to SUCK IN YOUR FAT FUCKING STOMACH, YOU STUPID UGLY BITCH. Suddenly you realize you’re in a stinky 120 degree room with 500 other people and an old man in a speedo trying to balance on your hip bones. In Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator, we unfortunately learn that as bad as that sounds, you were “lucky” to leave a Bikram session with only having been shamed and verbally abused, instead of enduring the sexual and physical abuses bestowed upon many of this scum bag’s loyal students. So find your dristi and join us as we navigate the health trends of late-90s L.A., consider the benefits of yoga to achieving a strong asshole, and fully downward-dog on Bikram and his predatory empire. Namaste, bitches! 

In 2015, a story would come out of Springfield, Missouri that would make even the most seasoned true-crime aficionado blush. It had it all, and then some: Mommies, murder, Munchausen, medications, even a guy named Nicholas. In Mommy Dead and Dearest, we learn of the sordid history and eventual demise of Make a Wish Foundation celebs, Gypsy Rose and her mother, Dee Dee Blancharde. Log in to your Christian Mingle account, put on your favorite princess wig, and join us as we navigate the nuances of being a proxy, put a call out to a sexy bayou bumpkin to make Jen an honest woman once and for all, masturbate in a McDonald’s for 9 hours with a large knife, and lots more! Tune in!

Talhotblond: hello sexy...asl?

marinesniper: 47/m/NY

marinesniper: i mean 18/m/NY chiseled war hero w/ a fully functioning 9” penis...u?

Talhotblond: 47/f/WV

Talhotblond: i mean 18/f/WV who just graduated high school and plays volleyball every day! very tall, extremely hot, definitely blond

marinesniper: wow, I love u w/ all my heart and am fully willing to abandon my boring wife and kids for u, and also kill for u as soon as I get back from sniping in a war

Talhotblond: yes baby, let’s cyber each other to death

marinesniper: im coming

Talhotblond: g2g listen to the new ep of Honestly? Hell Yeah. ttyl xoxo

At long last (or at least since the 1994 release of the Lion King), the furries have finally come home to roost in the 2016 love letter to themselves, Fursonas. Demanding privacy AND global acceptance, while insisting this fandom ISN’T sexual but admitting that, yeah, they TOTALLY have sex in their costumes, we try to determine just what these freaks on an actual leash are really all about. We’re frankly no closer to the answer, but what we do know is that these virgins think semen and lube are the same thing, furries do love to party, that watching a 6’2” man in a fox costume play flirty hide ‘n’ seek in the woods is the most embarrassing shit we’ve ever seen, and that it’s totally “NOT” sexual! So ditch the raccoon tail, kick back with a tall glass of “Special Kitty Milk,” and tune all the way in! And more than ever, content NOT suitable for furries.

I Like Killing Flies is a truly one of a kind documentary on a truly one of a kind institution. Through the lens of what appears to be the camera on the first prototype of a car phone, we are blessed to follow the Shopsin family as they run their decades-old corner store/general store/grocery store/bodega and cafe in Greenwich Village. Order yourself an OG Blisters on my Sisters, take a fistful of penny candy, and watch as Kenny Shopsin rigs his kitchen to within an inch of its life, waxing poetic about how we should be allowed to kill our children until they turn 18, all while whipping up 900 menu items with, well, minimal ease. Join us as we enjoy a couple tall glasses of flax milk and vodka, consider the fuckability of the cafe itself (Jen “would”), and decide whether or not Kenny wears a big ol’ wig. And you know what they say about a big wig...

The internet has given us so much: endless knowledge at the tip of our fingers, effortless connection to loved ones, colleagues, and strangers alike, shopping with the click of a button, and perhaps most amazingly, competitive endurance tickling. Yes, thanks to the internet, Jane O’Brien Media has provided hundreds of videos depicting young men mounting and tickling each other for “sport” and heterosexual consumption ONLY! However, a curious kiwi is positively Tickled by this content, and just can’t help himself as he unknowingly begins to irreparably disturb the shaky grounds on which this tickling empire was built. Join us this week as we strap on our moisture wicking athletic gear, fire up the 1996 camcorder, mount each other PLATONICALLY, and open an AOL portal directly to Hell that will require thousands of threatening birthday cards to close. Goochie-goochie-goo, bitches!