Honestly? Hell Yeah

*MUSICIANS WANTED*

I, the son of God, am looking for our 400,001st member to join the most prolific rock 'n' roll band in North America, ya Dig? If you're a groovy dude or a righteous chick who knows how to take up space on a stage without necessarily playing an instrument, then we're the band for you. Inquire within if you have a terrible heroin and/or drinking problem, mutton chops, can hold your own in a brawl when we inevitably start beating the shit out of each other mid-gig, and don't mind inhabiting house without running water (yes, we insist on living with each other). Need not apply if you have songwriting input, problem-solving abilities, or really any integrity at all. So come join the revolution, man, and show those Dandy Warhols what a bunch of pussies they are after all! Dig!

You know Downey, and Ed, and Grinch, and Ollie. Aunt Melissa, and Saturn, and Mickey, and Mr. Chocolate. But do you recall the most famous Grizzly Man of all? Timothy Treadwell was a lovable, towheaded goof who spent 13 summers living amongst (and protecting??) the wild grizzly bears roaming the Alaskan wilderness, documenting his and their every move on videotape. Through watching his rudimentary vlog so lovingly prepared by German zaddy, Werner Herzog, we manage to speculate about his potential title as the granddaddy of all furries, that he would totally lay better pipe than Paris Hilton, that animals definitely rule, Timothy definitely conquered, and so much more! Disclaimer: This episode deals with the gruesome and graphic details of Mr. Treadwell's fatal encounter with Bear 141. Oh, and as usual, we are very fucking stupid. Tune in!

Welp, it looks like we have a Christmas miracle, everyone: We found the lamest fucking documentary ever made. That's right, we watched What Would Jesus Buy? so you don't have to! Join us as we fly off the fucking rails, becoming bona fide capitalists strictly in spite of this terrible movie, despite its agreeable message. Pour yourself a tall glass of eggnog and vodka (as Jen would make it), kick back, and tune in as we discuss the length of Brokeback Mountain (the book), living in Orange Julius, the shameful lives of poor children, and all those other things that bring you holiday cheer. Oh and also, fuck Morgan Spurlock.

Do you ever find yourself looking for something more? Are you looking for answers and only finding more questions? Do you identify as an edgy thespian and/or magician with an insatiable desire to troll the religious patriarchy? If so, look no further than the Satanic Temple! Led by aging, milky-eyed, sexy(????) prankster Lucien Greaves, you're sure to find the brother/sisterhood you've been craving as you pour milk all over yourself dressed as a giant baby in front of an abortion clinic as a form of protest in the name of Satan! Forge a special Satanist's bond as you smooch your brethren atop a deceased homophobe's grave! Promote equality, love, and unity all while choking on daddy's wine! You owe it to yourself. Join us this week as Danielle, once again, disgraces her husband with her questionable, yet public taste in men. And honestly? Hail Satan.

As documentaries are often tragic in nature, where better to head back to than the gator-and-body-infested swamps of Florida to get some good material? This week, the land of tragedy has provided us with a wealth of teen desperation to unpack as we close the blinds, turn on private browsing, and watch Hot Girls Wanted. Join us as we wonder why amateur porn stars insist on going by "Ava ______," assess Paris Hilton's ability to lay down good pipe, bear our souls like a couple of amateur starlets, and lots more! DISCLAIMER: NSFW content NOT suitable for children, moms, dads, OUR moms, OUR dads, or furries (as always).

In the thankless business of hospitality, specifically the restaurant industry, it's amazing that a handful of chefs have managed to claw their way from the grease trap into becoming household names. You've got Gordon Ramsay, that Emeril guy, Michelin star sweetheart Rachael Ray, and who could forget Jeremiah Tower? Oh yeah, everybody! Luckily, we have Jeremiah Tower: the Last Magnificent to regale the history of the man credited with reinventing the modern American dining experience. Join us as we learn about the dignified elder who, through his love of aspics and like, cucumber fish(??), grew into an epicurean mentor for hippies who could only make black beans, open the most popular restaurant that no one has ever heard of, and eventually drop off the face of the planet for decades until he decides, in his geriatric mind, that it's time to return to the kitchen of a failing restaurant that everybody hates! Will he bring it back from the depths of critics-review-Hell, and learn that the backbreaking work of an under-appreciated and under-paid chef is just what he's been missing for all those years? Tune in to find out!

In the age of the 24-hour news cycle, there was a story out of Spokane, Washington in 2015 so shocking that it lasted a whole 72 hours: NAACP President and professor of Africana studies, Rachel Dolezal, was outed as a white woman posing as a black woman. With such a salacious scandal disrupting the lives of her community and family, does Rachel have a moment of introspection and fess up to her misguided choices and maybe even apologize to those she has hurt through her confusing actions? Nope, she doubles down, coins the problematic term "transracial", ruins her kids lives by filming The Rachel Divide, and legally changes her name to Nkechi. Join us this week as we tackle our unsolicited, yet complicated feelings on this complicated woman. If that doesn't rope you in, if you've ever wondered what movies Rachel Dolezal would rent from Blockbuster, we have the inside scoop! Don't miss out!

Picture this: You're a twenty-something French man crouching in a phone booth in Spain and the cops just got called on you. What do you do once taken into custody? If your answer is to convince federal agents spanning multiple continents that you're a missing 13-year-old boy from Texas by dying your hair blonde and enlisting a child to give you 3 back-alley stick & pokes, and then to move in with the family that claims you've been missing for 4 years and live a life as a person you've never met before for no apparent reason, then you have a documentary made about you! And it's called The Imposter! And we're talking a whooooole bunch of shit about you in this week's episode! Tune in!

For us poor losers to wonder how the "other half" lives is a daily pastime. We dream up fantastical escapades of grandeur: traveling to exotic locations with private transportation, dining in Michelin star restaurants for every meal, getting veneers whenever they want, maybe even having health insurance. However, the wealthy Siegel family featured in the Queen of Versailles would have you believe that a billionaire's life consists of little more than filling your house with over-sized gold vases and actual dog shit, ordering hundreds of chicken nuggets at a time, off-brand beauty pageants, and rigging presidential elections. Join us this week as we revel in watching these monsters try to build the biggest house in America atop a landfill of swamp cabbage while simultaneously losing their "billions" of "dollars!"

BOO! Whoops, sorry, didn't mean to startle you there, but that's nothing compared to the screams and scares you'll have during a viewing of Haunters: The Art of the Scare. If you think you have the guts, join us in this week's episode as we meet the absolute freaks (and extreme geeks) who dedicate their entire lives to giving you a fright. Tune in and get your mind freaked as we discuss horny haunted house thespians, call upon the Feds to investigate and shut down McKamey Manor once and for all, have Jen regale us with tales of her former life as a shameful clown baby carnie, and so much more! *insert Criss Angel Mindfreak theme song here* Are you ready?