TW: mentions of suicidal ideation, self harm, anxiety, depression and OCD.

Today, I’ll be exploring the ins and outs of socialising when you have ADHD, and how Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria might be making you go from riot to retreat mode in a flash. I’ll be sharing this chat with screenwriter and podcast host, Honey Ross. 

There are so many dichotomies within an ADHD brain that it can feel as though your sense of identity is constantly shifting. Never more so with me than when it comes to the extravert vs introvert question. I love parties, then I hate them. I am the most fun and then I’m drained and unable to speak. This hasn’t always been the case - after prolonged episodes of social anxiety from age 8 onwards, I lucked out between the age of 17 and 21 seemingly finding my groove as a student. I rarely passed up an opportunity to party and had a lot of friends to richochet between. But even then, RSD was worse than my hangovers, be it because of an all-our rejection or because a friend had looked at me weirdly. Hyper vigilance and some ultra intense self awareness could tip me into just wanting to get the hell out of what was the best place I’d ever been second before. Fast forward 20 years and sometimes I just feel like it’d be easier to stay home? 

Screenwriter, co-founder of activism community group, Pink Protest and host of the Body Protest Podcast, Honey Ross was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. She has spoken about her anxiety and how that kickstarted much of her activism work, but I’ve always seen as as a really sociable soul, usually surrounded by friends and seemingly at home in a crowd. And yet, social anxiety and RSD have impacted the way she socialises for years. 

Honey shares how social anxiety and ADHD have impacted her social life for many years, her coping mechanisms and how she’s changed it up since her diagnosis. 

We discuss the shame spiral, how to know when to say ‘no’ and when you need to get out and about, and yet another dichotomy of the ADHD life: you get crucial energy from other people and yet so often feel like being alone. 

Honey also reveals how she communicates with her friends - a definite gamechanger - and what it’s like to grow up in the public eye when you have ADHD. 

You can listen to Honey’s podcast, The Body Protest here

THE EXPERT

Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

The ADHD Foundation

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