Hops and Box Office Flops

The Pest is obnoxiously unfunny. Full of racist gags and manic energy, it is the epitome of the lawless ass 90s.

And, listen, this pod loves John Leguizamo. He's had a fantastic career. But he's going 110 in a 35 zone here and essentially none of it works.

We may not be rich Germans with an enthusiasm for hunting humans, but it's hard not to see their point with The Pest. After about 20 minutes of his schtick, death seems to be the only acceptable recourse.

Now, sit back, drown out the noise with The Poet from New Holland Brewing, and pass one stinky dinky ... ha, ha, ha! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are livin' life in Miami's Vice!

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Party Monster—we came, we partied, we killed!

Now, sit back, get club kid wasted with a Hazy Day Sue from Toppling Goliath Brewing Co., and put the hammer down! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are addicted to glamour!

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Expendables 2 is the ideal sequel. Overflowing with testosterone, bulging veins, and well-timed quips, it fulfills the promise made by its predecessor — to bring back the mayhem and stars from yesteryear for a smorgasbord of insane action.

It's literally perfect. No notes. Watch it now, or rest in pieces!

So, sit back, get locked and loaded with a Capiche? from Paperback Brewing Co., and we now pronounce you man and knife! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are gearing up to take down the Sangs!

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And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Firewalker, another of Chuck Norris' many collaborations with Cannon Films, is exactly what you'd expect from a low budget Indiana Jones ripoff.

The script is bad, the plot is ludicrous, and we never even get to see what the bad guy intends to do with his desired magical abilities.

Despite all that, Firewalker does have its charms—most of which lie heavily on the back of Louis Gossett Jr. Predictably, in a film with Norris as its lead, emotive acting is in short supply.

Without Gossett as his sidekick, Leo, and John Rhys-Davies doing a bizarre Foghorn Leghorn accent, this movie would've been quite the slog.

Now, sit back, perform the last rites with a Seeing Colors from Mad Tree Brewing, and be wary of El Coyote! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are scouring Mexico for ancient Aztec gold!

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Sidekicks is essentially The Karate Kid with a giant dose of wish fulfillment. In it, Barry Gabrewski (played by the late Jonathan Brandis) spends his days daydreaming about busting skulls with his favorite action hero, Chuck Norris.

Of course, since this is a kid learns karate to better himself movie, he ultimately meets Norris, gets the girl, bests his bully, and overcomes the issues that have plagued him.

Along the way, we get some good old timey 90s racism and a handful of fantasies themed around Norris' filmography. 

Sidekicks isn't exactly high art, but it will remind you that Norris generally just plays himself, as he does here, and the key to life is learning how to dodge dumplings.

Now, sit back, douse those bricks with a Pupil IPA from Societe Brewing, and chase those dreams! The Thunderous Wizard and Bling Blake are donning our dusters and mullets to kick some mafia ass!

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And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Few things are more American than action movies where lone heroes murder foreigners with lethal impunity. Invasion USA proudly carries that torch. Only it does so poorly.

Like most films starring the bearded badass known as Carlos "Chuck" Norris, Invasion USA is a Cannon joint. Yes, that Cannon. The script sucks, it looks cheap, and it somehow makes less sense than most other films in the genre.

What it does do well, though, is depict all manor of patriotic fueled violence. So, come for the jean vest and dry quips but stay for the bazooka dismemberment.

Now, sit back, stretch out those legs with a Big Dippa from Reformation Brewery, and find that armadillo! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are dual-wielding uzis in our best Canadian tuxedos!

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And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

For Your Consideration is another mockumentary from acclaimed satirist Christopher Guest. But unlike his previous efforts, this one failed to capture the hearts of longtime fans.

Taking aim at the absurdity of Hollywood, For Your Consideration fails to find the magic of his prior three films. The characters are less likable, the target is far larger, and the narrative focus just never finds its center.

Its reviews and tepid box office reception reflect that dip in quality. With a budget double that of A Mighty Wind's ($12 million), it grossed less than a third of that movie's total ($5.9 million).

Now, sit back, prep your Oscars speech while enjoying a Backyard Berry from Blake's, and go easy on the face lift! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are going home for Purim!

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Argylle is a spy movie about mistaken identity that lacks a clear one itself.

Full of convoluted plot twists and set pieces overrun by pastels and other insane imagery, Argylle is a film that clearly thinks it is far better than it actually is.

One can forgive that self-assurance considering its director, Matthew Vaughn, has quite a track record of success—including in the genre.

That said, the irrational confidence Vaughn displays throughout Argylle's painful 140+-minute runtime is mind-boggling—as are its increasingly stupid double crosses.

Argylle, which was planned to be a trilogy, not only earned every bit of the hate critics heaped on it, it also deserved its massive flop status.

So, sit back, jog your memory with a Strawberry Blonde Ale from SanTan Brewing, and don't forget the cat! The Thunderous Wizard and Bling Blake are whirly birding all over Director Ritter's secret hideout!

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A cult classic, Waiting for Guffman is a mockumentary chronicling a small community theatre's production of its town's history.

Boasting a host of exceptional improv actors — Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, and Fred Willard to name a few — the Christopher Guest written and directed feature is jam packed with laughs.

Guest, who also serves as the films lead Corky St. Clair, is in his comfort zone here. He gets the material, letting the actors take command and playing to their immense comedic strengths.

Although it is beloved now, Waiting for Guffman was not a huge hit. In fact, it barely made it to the big screen. Its critical success, however, did lead to several more films in the same vein — Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, and For Your Consideration. All of which are worth watching, as well.

So, sit back, calm those jitters with a Fear.Movie.Lions Hazy Double IPA, and break a leg! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are done working for these bastard people!

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To honor the late James Van Der Beek, who we lost far too soon, we're doing a special episode on the 1999 high school football classic Varsity Blues.

So, sit back, complain about your asshole coach over a few Budweisers, and play for each other! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are helping West Canaan finally remove that eyesore of a statue!

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And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!