Horrible Sh*t: A Millennial Confessional

Things take a turn for the serious in this confession. The Toast confesses to Ulrich the struggles he faced in his pre-college education. From self-hatred in his Montessori elementary school, authoritarian principals in middle school, to hate-mongering algebra teachers in highschool, to the illnesses - both real and fake - that lead him to be prosecuted by the school system. What's on the lesson plan for today? Whatever it is, it's going to be some horrible sh*t...

There's even more trouble in Equestria in today's confessional. The Toast confesses to Ulrich how in a desperate bid of loneliness, he would seek comfort in a group of sinful Bronies, who would eventual defraud himself, and the state, of a incredible amount of a money. It's a tale of fedoras, hot tubs, lover suites, burning conventions, fanficiton, ice skating, being bamboozled, hidden racism and homophobia, and lots more in this sordid tale. Ulrich is forced to relive some terrifying memories, too. What are they? Whatever they are, they are going to be some horrible sh*t...

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The Toast and Ulrich no longer have to wonder what friendship could be in this confessional. The Toast relays just how he fell into being a hardcore Brony, and how a cartoon about colorful horses would have a direct role in losing his virginty. Between those horrifying points the conversation leads to gender roles, 4chan, weird cartoons, hot glue, "mutual oral pleasure", The Lonely Island, The Toast's 18th birthday party, and more. What do you think your cutie mark would be? Whatever it is, it's probably some horrible sh*t...

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It's back to late 2000's in this episode of Horrible Sh*t. The Toast tells Ulrich of a night filled with a distinct lack of teenaged-hormonal romance. Listen as The Toast relays his near Olympic level inability to read signals, and also to hear about skittles, footy pajamas, staying home alone, Sonic Riders, cocaine, lying, awkward popcorn hand-holding, destroying self-confidence, the EMO LANTERN, and much more. What did Daphne bring in here purse? Whatever it is, it's going to be some horrible Sh*t…

And yes, he DID mean Melanin

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Things get… uncomfortable in this third confession. The Toast confesses to Ulrich just how and when his masturbation saga began. One late night watching a battered VHS of the Berenstain bears, a casual reach down the pajamas sends a 6-year-old the Toast spiraling into a downward auto-erotic pit that leads to doctors' visits, blackmail, The Basement, airplanes, under the kitchen table, and college entrance exams. And just how do possums fit into all this? Whatever the answer, it's going to be some horrible sh*t…

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In his second confession, the Toast admits how a simple browser pet game led to several internet girlfriends and fleeing from a hotel in the middle of the night. In trying to unpack this to Ulrich, your hosts discuss virtual pets, killing your problems, dedicated internet forum culture, carving words into walls, Code Lyoko, taking minors over state lines, scratch off tickets, young love, meeting strangers on the internet, infidelity, *asterisk sexting*, break ups, and so much more. It's gonna be a long one, maybe check what's in your child's internet history while you listen. You might just find some horrible sh*t…

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In his first confession, The Toast relays the sinful relationship he had with his Playstation Portable. What started out as an innocent Christmas gift received in a hotel room quickly turned into a pandora's box of teen-aged millennial lust. As Ulrich listens to this account, the conversation explores furry porn, fetish development, broken door handles, stolen Wi-Fi, Mountain Dew Game Fuel, and the strange loneliness of early 2000's internet. What will we find in that PSP's downloads? No matter what, it will be some horrible sh*t. 

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