How do you Feel? A Self-Help Guru's Quest for Your Brain

It does not matter what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you. I don't lie and you shouldn't either, unless I tell you to lie. We are meant to be happy. Spread the goood feelings by acting like you're rich. I honk at a woman in a green truck. Suicide might be right for you. A booger on a rainbow in a kindergarten class. Doritos. Eat them and throw up.

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Produced by Mark Baratelli

Ideas turn into action. You will take action to bettering your life. I have been drinking. There's nothing wrong with drinking. Drinking is self-medication and fiscal and emotional responsibility. Barbara Walters is proud of 3 things: her life, her family. I would have chosen "Kicking Star Jones off her show." I accused her of not being able to handle Star's strong power. That's showbiz, kid. I doo doo doo doo showbiz. I am asking you to boycott the tv show The View. Barbara Walters is a malicious vulture. Be careful who you let in your life.

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the voice is watering planets, people respect you more when you're drinking, Macocatron is a speed pill that I take, Wanting is not a verb- it's a life source, crack addict employees are cheaper to employ, she was young and heavy, lie to yourself to get through your day, mirrors on peoples' faces, blubbering, I am the good, pestulence is the bad, the more you let me in the less of you will be inside of you.

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I just read a book that changed my life, but I won't tell you the title. I wrote it. You need to put in a request for the "How Do You Feel?" bool at your local Barnes and Noble. I carried it around for 9 months. It is birthed. Much like women in other cultures who freeze the placenta and eat it, I got the very first edition of the book and put it on my bookshelf. If you're crying, I want you to be happy. If you can't be happy, slap your face. The only person who will make you happy is me. When you accept that, you will begin to grow. You are a child in the body of an adult. Gnaw you foot off and run away to freedom. You need a bear trap and you need to get happy. When Chaka Khan recorded a song I cannot tell you the title of, she was on so many drugs she had to be dragged into the studio and drugged. hey hauled her back home. In spie of all her personal difficulties, she was able to mke something that made the world happy. What can you do like Chaka Khan?

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Produced by Mark Baratelli

I just read a book that changed my life, but I won't tell you the title. I wrote it. You need to put in a request for the "How Do You Feel?" bool at your local Barnes and Noble. I carried it around for 9 months. It is birthed. Much like women in other cultures who freeze the placenta and eat it, I got the very first edition of the book and put it on my bookshelf. If you're crying, I want you to be happy. If you can't be happy, slap your face. The only person who will make you happy is me. When you accept that, you will begin to grow. You are a child in the body of an adult. Gnaw you foot off and run away to freedom. You need a bear trap and you need to get happy. When Chaka Khan recorded a song I cannot tell you the title of, she was on so many drugs she had to be dragged into the studio and drugged. hey hauled her back home. In spie of all her personal difficulties, she was able to mke something that made the world happy. What can you do like Chaka Khan?

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Produced by Mark Baratelli

Everything will be alright if you trust in me. I am a blue warm baby blanket keeping you warm on a cold winter's night. A blanket causes change. I can change your emotional state. I went to a place of learning and will get a new Mercedes. They hit a deer. They hit a wall. There's guts everywhere. They will stop beating. You need to beat yourself. The more you get to know someone, the more you realize you don't want to get to know them. 98%of people are bad. What is your opinion on abortion? Try swimming in a lake in a thunderstorm. What if you have to have a foot removed? I have all my hospital procedures in a hotel. When anyone says something they didn't mean to say, they meant to say it. People don't make mistakes. Do you have clam sauce that has no salt? Are you stupid? I am being feel mated for asking for it. And I feel stupid. I can't afford groceries because Beatrice Jenkins won't let me have them. People cannot accept the blame for their horrible states of being. I makes them feel good. Shut up and let them do it. BLAME SOMEONE ELSE FOR YOUR PROBLEMS.

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That hump resembles a turkey. You've got a family and that family is me. All you have to do is sit on Thanksgiving day and think about me. I said a prayer for my listeners. I like to try out new methods of therapy. The silence box. Clack clack clack. I don't expect you to be able to do what i can do. You can probably barely hold a fork. I will be selecting people to get in the spinning box. The spinning box is a metaphor or life. When people are mean, those memories don't go away. Being in the box feels the same way. Write down how much money you THINK you have. Write down how much money you THINK Dorothy Hammil has. My medical doctor friend operates on knees. Have you ever had steak tartar? There is crap for every surface of your home. Do you think the holidays are about shopping? If you do, you are stupid. I want you to be happy. If this is the season of happiness, don't buy...be happy. The way you do that is by smiling. And that makes other people want to be happy and buy something. You are not the insecure one in a room.

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Produced by Mark Baratelli

That hump resembles a turkey. You've got a family and that family is me. All you have to do is sit on Thanksgiving day and think about me. I said a prayer for my listeners. I like to try out new methods of therapy. The silence box. Clack clack clack. I don't expect you to be able to do what i can do. You can probably barely hold a fork. I will be selecting people to get in the spinning box. The spinning box is a metaphor or life. When people are mean, those memories don't go away. Being in the box feels the same way. Write down how much money you THINK you have. Write down how much money you THINK Dorothy Hammil has. My medical doctor friend operates on knees. Have you ever had steak tartar? There is crap for every surface of your home. Do you think the holidays are about shopping? If you do, you are stupid. I want you to be happy. If this is the season of happiness, don't buy...be happy. The way you do that is by smiling. And that makes other people want to be happy and buy something. You are not the insecure one in a room.

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Produced by Mark Baratelli

I wish this ghetto could be razed, Dog Aids was caused by gay men not using a condom to fudge pack, Teen Talk: teen pregnancy, abortion, angst, rape, cheating on tests; plastic face for high school, babies are amazed by hands, numb to packaging, Kindergarten is a German word for Nazi school, Easter, Stop eating, I am your father, Leave me something in your will

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Produced by Mark Baratelli

Jacob Javitz Center is where you need to be to prepare for the holidays, you can be your own family, shop for each of your personal dimensions, You don't have a wreath? Steal one! Sausage McMuffin with Egg, robot walk for GIs, tubular curtains for candles, I love to take my shoes off, 40% of Oprah's audience is unemployed or high on the embarrassment scale, 300 things you like about your job or quit, the color blue is a positive color

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Produced by Mark Baratelli