In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, the Matts dive deep into the bittersweet journey of finding and losing GOOD gay men. They explore the complex reasons behind breakups—whether initiated by us or by our partners. By identifying and discussing four internal blocks that may hinder our ability to maintain relationships (gremlins, assumptions, interpretations, and limiting beliefs) the hosts aim to help listeners gain a better understanding of their own patterns and behaviors in love...and hear ways to FIX what is broken.

Tune in for an insightful conversation that could change your approach to finding and keeping love. And DO NOT miss this week's prayer time, "Catch and Release."

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, we’re diving deep into the signs that help us navigate the dating world: red flags and green lights.

Red flags are more than just personality quirks—they’re indicators that someone may not share the values necessary for a long-term relationship. If you're looking for a forever partner, it's essential to recognize when someone’s behavior or priorities aren’t in sync with your vision for a meaningful connection.

On the flip side, green lights are the qualities that draw us in, showing us that a man is relationship material. From honesty and commitment to actively working on the relationship and themselves, green lights align with the values we hold for building a lasting love.

We'll explore specific examples of both red flags and green lights, and discuss why it's so important to stay true to your own relationship standards as you search for a partner. Whether you’re dating now or preparing for your next relationship, this episode will help you refine your understanding of what truly matters.

Tune in and learn how to spot the signs that lead to love—or signal it’s time to move on.

Key Highlights:

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In this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, we tackle the difficult and often painful topic of cheating in gay male relationships, whether they’re monogamous or open. We explore the main reasons why people cheat on their spouses or boyfriends, diving into the complexities that can

We'll also discuss practical ways to avoid cheating, emphasizing the importance of communication, trust, and regular check-ins to ensure both partners feel fulfilled and secure.

But what happens when cheating does occur? Should you stay and work it out, or is it time to leave? We’ll provide guidance on how to navigate these tough decisions, offering insights for listening to your gut when it comes time to make

Join us for an honest and empathetic conversation that aims to shed light on a topic many of us struggle with, but few are willing to talk about openly. Whether you’re looking to prevent cheating in your relationship or trying to figure out what to do after it happens, this episode is here to help.

On this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, the Matts delve into the emotional journey of remaining hopeful while waiting for love. They explore the common challenges many people face in the search for a meaningful relationship, such as:

1. External obstacles

2. Internal self-doubt

3. The complexities of modern dating

Listeners will learn practical strategies to nurture hope, including building self-esteem, practicing self-compassion, and finding fulfillment in new hobbies and interests.

Whether you're single and searching or simply waiting for the right person to come along, this episode offers encouragement and insights to help you navigate the journey with patience, optimism, and self-love.

In this episode of "How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man," The Matts dive into the essential topic of building a supportive and healthy community. Join us as we explore the steps to finding and creating a network of friends and allies who uplift and inspire you. We discuss why having a strong, supportive community is crucial for personal growth, mental health, and maintaining healthy relationships.

Discover practical tips on where to meet like-minded individuals, how to nurture meaningful connections, and the importance of mutual support in thriving as your authentic self. Whether you’re looking to expand your social circle or strengthen existing bonds, this episode will provide valuable insights to help you create the community you deserve.

Tune in to learn how a supportive community can enhance your journey to find (& keep) a gay man.

In this enlightening episode, The Matts delve into the research of Dr. Roger K. Allen, PhD, to explore four toxic relationship patterns commonly observed in gay male relationships. Dr. Allen, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, has dedicated his career to understanding the dynamics that can both strengthen and undermine romantic partnerships.

We will discuss:

1. escalation

2. invalidation

3. pursuing/withdrawing

4. negative interpretations

...while unpacking the harmful effects of these unhealthy and destructive patterns. We’ll provide practical tips and actionable advice based on Dr. Allen's research and our own, helping listeners identify and address these toxic patterns in their own relationships.

By understanding and mitigating these dynamics, gay male couples can build stronger, more resilient partnerships.

Tune in to gain valuable insights and take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

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In this reflective episode, we delve into the poignant concept of "bridge relationships" — those transformative bonds that may not last forever, but crucially pave the way to lasting connections. We explore how dwelling on past bitterness can obstruct our personal growth and hinder the invaluable lessons these relationships will teach us.

We also discuss the power of embracing gratitude towards our former partners, shedding light on how such a perspective can elevate a deeper understanding of ourselves and lead to profound self-revelation. We'll examine how assigning blame can be counterproductive, while acknowledging the role they've played in our journeys will usher us into new levels of maturity and readiness for our forever relationships.

Gain insights on moving forward with an open heart, while preparing yourself for the love that's meant to stay. This transformative discussion just change how you view your past and future relationships.

Part-two of our series highlighting Matt Heincker's new queer podcast, "Through the Long Night."

In this powerful episode of How to Find (& Keep) A Gay Man, The Matts delve into the heart-wrenching journey of Matt Heincker’s battle with overwhelming despair and suicidal thoughts as a closeted gay man in college.

As he stands on the precipice of darkness, contemplating the end, Heincker finds himself grappling with his identity and the fear of rejection from those he holds dear. Yet, amidst the turmoil, he discovers a glimmer of hope – a love that transcends human understanding, a love that refuses to let him go.

Join us as we explore the transformative power of loving ourselves, the resilience of the human spirit, and the unwavering presence of a higher power guiding us through the darkest of nights.

WE ARE BACK!!!! And we’re thrilled to announce the return of "How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man" for its much-anticipated SEASON 2.

Join hosts, Matt Bays and Matt Heincker, as they bring

Matt Bays recounts his global adventures alongside his

Meanwhile, Matt Heincker has been diligently cultivating his

We also delve into the power of curiosity and how it serves

Stay tuned as we navigate these conversations with heart,

In this thought-provoking episode, we delve into the intricate dance of maintaining autonomy while fostering deep connections in our gay relationships. Join us as we unravel the complexities of balancing independence and togetherness, exploring how codependence and attachment styles impact our romantic journeys.

The Matts share insights on striking the right harmony between personal growth and shared experiences. Through candid discussions, they uncover practical strategies for nurturing a healthy partnership while respecting individual identities.

From examining the role of communication in setting boundaries to understanding the impact of various attachment styles, this episode serves as a valuable guide for gay men seeking to find (& keep) their gay man. Whether you're navigating the early stages of love or looking to reignite the spark in a long-term commitment, you'll gain a deeper understanding of how to forge a lasting connection while embracing the beauty of self-discovery.

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Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠ website.