How to Glow: The Jewish Woman's Marriage Boost

Sometimes we get so caught up in "fixing" things that we lose sight of what we are actually aiming for.

But what does marriage look like with *true* connection?

What can we achieve when we allow ourselves to drop our agenda and truly experience our spouse?

Disney may have given us one image of what "Happily Ever After" looks like.

Design your own dream.

Let's aim high.

In this week's episode, we're diving into what happens in your brain when someone gives you a compliment and why never manages to improve our self image in the long term.

It's a brain-nerdy one, so I know you'll love it :) 

Think about who you could be when you could generate your OWN confidence and self-esteem, whenever you need it.

I'm going to tell you how.

First Year Married Online Course

First Year Married on Instagram

What do you get when you put two marriage coaches on a Zoom call? A fun, loving deep dive into the world of making marriages better. 

Maggie Reyes recently came out with a (now best-selling) book, Questions for Couples Journal and I thought this was the perfect chance to invite Maggie on to share with the FYM audience! I get so many questions about how to make date nights more meaningful and what books I recommend. I also love this book as an idea for couples who aren't going out on traditional dates--whether due to COVID or newlywed finances.

We covered a lot of ground in this episode--well beyond just the book--and I know you'll get a lot out of it.

Find out more about Maggie Reyes at MaggieReyes.com

Follow First Year Married on Instagram @firstyearmarried

Sign up for the First Year Married online course at FirstYearMarried.com/Course

It amazes me how much more comfortable we are talking about working on our parenting, but nobody wants to mention that they're working on their marriage.

Somehow, we can grow in parenting and it's noble, but if we need to grow in our marriage, it speaks of some deep failure in us.

But let's take a step back and consider...

What is actually going to make the biggest impact on your child's life? Another class, or a healthy and happy home?

In addition--not that we need anything beyond that--the meta-skills you learn in your marriage all translate to your parenting.

Self-awareness.

Self-control.

Self-compassion.

Realizing that no, your child is NOT actually the problem and yes, you CAN experience this differently.

And knowing how to do that.

Understanding how to step out of our experience and biases and see from another's perspective.

Modeling that negative emotions are not dangerous and we can handle some discomfort.

Count me in on that parenting class.

It starts with your marriage.

Join us at firstyearmarried.com/course

Whether it's you or your husband, because of COVID-19 or you simply haven't landed the right job yet, unemployment can cause huge stress--particularly for newlyweds. 

In this episode, I'm diving into some of the neuroscience that explains why our reaction might be more intense than logic dictates, what to do about it, and how to use this (or any) challenge as a way of building and supporting your new marriage.

I'm also sharing our personal journey as unemployed newlyweds, and why I wouldn't take that experience back for the world.

Learn more: www.firstyearmarried.com/course

Source: The Female Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine

Are there some things you just shouldn't think in a marriage?

What does it mean if I'm annoyed by my husband?

Do happy couples ever think like this?

This week we're going to dive into something that's been coming up a lot in my coaching-- worry and panic and fear about certain thoughts. Put another way, your thoughts ABOUT your thoughts are causing more trouble than the thoughts themselves!

How do we address this?

Can Kayla manage to describe this without a visual aid?

You'll have to listen to find out ;) 

New here?  Check out the free video at FirstYearMarried.com to get the full foundation for everything I talk about on this podcast.

It's been a crazy few weeks for us all! I'm sorry I haven't been here in a little bit but I needed to step back for a few weeks. Hopefully you had a chance to catch up on some older episodes during the break. ;) 

There's no possible way for a podcast episode to address the range of experiences and emotions that COVID-19 is bringing up for us. For some, it's the frustration of being stuck inside, needing our normal outlets, missing our friends and support systems. For others, it's the devastation of losing loved ones or anxiety about high-risk friends and family (or ourselves).

So instead of addressing this whole gamut of experiences, I wanted to give you one clear tool you can focus on. I find this personally to be very grounding when life feels out of control so I hope it will be valuable to you, as well.

This episode is about my love of using lists, and how lists pick up where scheduling can leave off.

Much of what I learned about lists and routines I learned as a newlywed from Marla Cilley, the Flylady.

Enjoy!

In this week’s podcast, I’m answering questions that have come in about being irritated with a husband who is wasting his time during lockdown. This is a pretty common challenge (a LOT of you commented on this one!) so know you’re not alone--but I wanted to share a few ideas to help you understand this differently and hopefully experience less frustration.

I've heard from a lot of you about how challenging social isolation is when you're still working to build your marriages. Others are trying to find ways to maximize this time and stay positive. We've decided to make the course pay-what-you-can (minimum of $20) on a temporary basis to get this material into the hands of anyone who needs it, regardless of what's happening for you financially right now. If there are other ways we can support you, please let us know! Sign up for the course at www.firstyearmarried.com/course

* Coronavirus Update: After hearing from several of you, Noah and I talked extensively about how to best support you all during this situation. We've decided to make a temporary pay-what-you-can pricing on the First Year Married online course. Please share with your friends and let's support each other as much as we can. This doesn't have to be hard on your marriage--it could actually be amazing. www.FirstYearMarried.com/course gets you to the signup page.

Let's talk about surviving this whole COVID-19 situation as a newlywed. Schedules are out the window, your normal bucket-fillers like social time or work or the gym are non-options, and the stress may be running very high. So we're going to talk about what we can do to make the most of this situation.

First, of course, we gotta look at thoughts. How do we manage our minds so we don’t go insane or start to hate our husbands?

Second, (you won't be so surprised) we'll talk about hacks. Science and psychology based hacks are easy ways to improve your quality of life with a minimum of effort.

I'm also going to be talking a bit about getting ready for Pesach/Passover at the end, for those of you who celebrate.

So let's start by taking a look inside your head. How are you thinking about this whole thing? Coronavirus, being home probably, still newly married...

For a lot of you I'm talking to, the thought sounds something like this: “this is all very bad.” It's a pretty vague and generic thought, actually, but it's plenty strong enough to stir up some anxiety, overwhelm...

What if you were wrong about that?

What if this whole Coronavirus situation could actually be really good for you? For your new marriage?

Actually, this could be a fantastic opportunity for growth for you.

You are in the major leagues now. You've been listening to this podcast, reading books, working on your relationship... now's the time to put all that to work. Now's the time for some major self-awareness, some fantastic growth potential.

What are you feeling and where is it coming from? And how are you a little wrong? How is the opposite also true?

Take some time to get some awareness. If you're feeling off-kilter or overwhelmed or stressed, or you just got to the bottom of the container of Oreos and nobody helped you...

Great time to take a look inside your brain.

Ok so now for some hacks:

1. News restriction. When do you want to check? Take a day on. Take a day off. You could even ask your husband to keep you updated and just turn it all off. How many different places are you getting your news from? Twitter and WhatsApp and TV? Pick one. Narrow it down. The news is designed to suck you in. Put up some guardrails so you can maintain some mental space for yourself.

Technology/social media restriction. ebook or book? Go for the physical book if you can. We are much more on our screens than usual. What can you do that’s tech-free, even if for only a few minutes a day? If you can still go for a walk, can you leave your phone at home? Or just make some boundaries--leave the phone out of the bedroom and dining area, for instance.

More phone calls. There’s a hierarchy of meaningful communication, according to humanetech.com. Actual live phone/video calls are best, so try to make at least one a day. After that, voice messages are better than text, and using emojis actually improves the connection quotient of a text message. Group messaging, which isn’t really personal, gives the feeling of socializing but doesn’t pack the same punch. So call your bestie.

Read the full episode notes on the podcast page at www.FirstYearMarried.com