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How To Relate
How To Relate episodes
- Should I Stay or Should I Go? with Katherine Cullen, LCSW
Too good to stay, too bad to leave is a scenario many people find themselves in. When the relationship could be better, when do you know it's time to leave or love the one you're with? We're here to answer.
Katherine Cullen, LCSW, is a therapist in Nashville, Tennessee. Katherine co-authored The Truth About Exercise Addiction, and was an editor at Psychology Today before she became a therapist. Check out her Instagram for comedy, therapy, and relatable entertainment.
In this episode:
- "Avoidance culture" in dating, and how getting fixated on the ick can protect us from intimacy- Mimetic desire: where our icks come from in the first place- Going back to your senses (an idea from inference-based CBT) to tell whether you're in the right relationship- Red flags that look pink, and spotting patterns over 6–12 months- Gottman's "dream within conflict," with the dishwasher fight as the example- The doughnut hole exercise for sorting out what you can and can't compromise on- How to find your relational needs- The Four Horsemen and their antidotes, plus making the scripts sound like youBooks mentioned: Fight Right by John and Julie Gottman, Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft, and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
Find Katherine:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/kcullentherapy/Website: https://integrateself.comWebsite: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcSponsor: Larry's Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate54 min - Therapists, AI, and Money: Who will Control the future of mental health care? with Dr. Brian Dixon
Dr. Brian J. Dixon, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist based in Fort Worth, TX, and founder of Field Guide, a referral and networking platform built by clinicians, for clinicians.
- Why mental health reimbursement is broken — and how a 1965 Medicare decision still shapes what therapists earn today
- The case for charging your worth, and how to get comfortable talking about money with clients
- Where AI helps (and where it falls dangerously short) in mental health care — plus the liability wave he sees coming
- Inside Field Guide: the referral board, the "rapport score," and why he built the platform therapists actually need
- What a decade of building (and rebuilding) taught him, and why business coaching and accountability groups matter
- Navigating clients who trust influencers and supplements over their provider
- Why now is the best time to be a mental health clinician entrepreneur
Connect with Dr. Brian Dixon: LinkedIn
Therapists Join FeelGuide: https://www.feelguide.network/
How to Relate:
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219 Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate
48 min - Remarry Your Spouse Over and Over Again: The Remarriage Roadmap with Galit and Assael Romanelli
What if the question isn't whether your marriage will end, but when — and whether you'll remarry the same person? On this episode of How to Relate, Galit and Assael Romanelli — couple therapists, real-life partners, and the minds behind the Remarriage Roadmap — discuss how long-term relationships actually survive change.
In this episode:
- The "ABCs" that signal a marriage is heading for a rupture: thirds/affairs, boredom, and change
- What a "third" really is — anything pulling your attention, libido, or energy outside the relationship (a career, a PhD, the kids, a phone, even a "work spouse")
- The 95/70 dynamic: the unconscious hierarchy every couple shakes hands on early, and how to soften it into equality
- The four muscles of the Remarriage Roadmap — Play ("yes, and"), Let It Land ("tell me more"), Say the Thing ("part of me..."), and Own Your Shadow ("the truth is...")
- Why couples confuse being understood with being agreed with, and how differentiation changes that
- Practical tools you can use tonight: rating a disagreement 1–10 (no fives or sevens allowed), taking hard conversations on a walk, and using playfulness to defuse conflict
- Their book Feel Free Together and the 8-week Remarriage Roadmap program
Connect with Galit and Assael:
Website: https://potentialstate.com/Free toolkit: https://potentialstate.com/toolkitInstagram: @thepotentialstateBrittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcTherapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffbSupport the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
52 min - Patriarchy, Oppression & Insidious Trauma with Erica Smith
Erica Smith returns to How to Relate for a light conversation (haha) on the patriarchy, insidious trauma, and what oppression does to our closest relationships.
- Why "the patriarchy" surged in cultural vocabulary post-2020, and how it intersects with racism and the need to re-center attention away from marginalized communities
- Defining the patriarchy: from a "wealthy white men" lens to Terry Real's framework on masculinity, invulnerability, and emotional suppression
- Boundaries vs. control — how boundary language gets weaponized to manage other people's behavior instead of one's own exposure
- "Insidious trauma" and death by a thousand paper cuts: the cumulative nervous-system toll of everyday dismissal, code-switching, and hypervigilance
- Family strategies for safety — advocating in medical settings, "the talk" before a breakup, staying alert in unfamiliar spaces
- Performative allyship vs. authentic accountability, and why announcing your values isn't the same as living them
- Affinity spaces: when they help, when they isolate, and why the burden of initiating hard conversations should shift toward the group causing harm
- Individual-level change as the starting point for structural change — noticing your own nervous system, choosing regulating relationships
Erica's Resources:
Whole Mentality: https://www.wholementality.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsericakendra/
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219 Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate
52 min - What Past Me Needed to Hear
In this solo episode! Reflections on turning 34 — and what it actually takes to stop avoiding the feelings a birthday brings up.
In this episode:
- Why avoidance gives power to the feelings we're trying to escape
- The quiet aggression of self-improvement culture
- Oliver Burkeman's Four Thousand Weeks and "letting time use you"
- Why comparison steals our desires, not just our joy
- Making peace with — and gratitude for — who you used to be
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcSponsor: Larry's Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relateTherapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
10 min - Enmeshment, Boundaries, and Untangling Family Dynamics with Mary Beth Somich
Mary Beth Somich is the founder of Your Journey Through, a boutique group therapy practice in Raleigh (celebrating 10 years this fall) with nine clinicians specializing in family dynamics, enmeshment, and boundaries. She also mentors other practice owners through group coaching and masterminds.
In this episode, we cover:
- Scaling from solo practice to group practice while pregnant during the 2020 pandemic
- How to validate a course or offer idea before building it (and why niching down matters)
- Cultural competence in therapeutic recommendations — meeting clients where their actual capacity is
- Defining enmeshment: the lack of boundaries within a family system, and how it often shows up as mother-child over-attachment when a partner is emotionally absent
- The role of the "nice guy complex" and people-pleasing in perpetuating enmeshment
- How to reengage an absent father-in-law/mother-in-law and repair intergenerational patterns
- What a boundary actually is (and isn't) — Mary Beth's take beyond internet oversimplifications
- Boomer vs. millennial communication gaps around illness, emotion, and "not wanting to be a burden"
- Parenting anxiety, perfectionism, and how to discern which parenting advice is actually for you
- Navigating multigenerational parenting influence (plus a shoutout to the "More Than Grand" grandparent resource)
- A first practical step if your family dynamics feel tumultuous
Connect with Mary Beth: yourjourneythrough.com | IG @yourjourneythrough | [email protected] — check her Instagram bio for the Group Practice Mastermind and Therapist to CEO Playbook.
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219 Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate Therapist Collective: Community for Entrepreneurial Therapists: https://therapistcollective.carrd.co/
47 min - Rescuing Everyone Else First: Trauma in the Fire Service and First Responders with Blaise Harris LCMHC
Blaise Harris, LCMHC, is a therapist, former firefighter, and founder of G Squared Consulting & Counseling Services — known online as The Dope Black Therapist. His practice focuses on trauma work with Black men and first responders, drawing on his own experience surviving a divorce, major depressive disorder, and suicide attempts before finding his way into the field.
In this episode, Brittani and Blaise cover:
- How Blaise's own mental health crisis (post-divorce depression, suicidal ideation, psychiatric hospitalization) led him to therapy — and to specializing in first responders and Black men
- Why first responders have protocols for every physical emergency but none for their mental health
- PTSD stats among first responders and why the real numbers are likely far higher than reported
- The stigma differences across police, fire, EMS, and dispatch
- Navigating racism and mistrust as a Black first responder, including a story of being called a slur on the job
- How to talk to a partner about a hard shift without needing to "fix" it — communicating needs instead of details
- Naming and setting an internal boundary with anxiety/depression ("acknowledge it, then tell it to shut up")
- His advice for first responders on choosing a therapist — "try them on like shoes"
Find Blaise on Instagram @the_dopeblacktherapist or at thedopeblacktherapist.com.
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
47 min - AMA: The Erotic Equation, Attraction, Obstacles & Dating Apps Have in Common, Red Flags, and Death of Curiosity in Dating
Matthew Case turns the mic on Brittani for a rapid-fire AMA episode, unpacking what's missing from the current dating and relationship advice landscape — and why attachment styles and red-flag culture might be doing more harm than good.
- The attachment style hyperfixation: Why reducing every dating dynamic to "anxious vs. avoidant" strips away nuance — and Jack Morin's "erotic equation" (attraction + obstacle = desire) as a better lens for understanding chemistry
- "We attract what we lack": How the same qualities that draw us to a partner can become the exact source of friction later on
- The dating coach blind spot: Why telling people who they should be attracted to rarely works — and what to do instead when you keep dating the same "type"
- Red flag fatigue: What we lose by hyperfocusing on red flags instead of green flags, and the "your red flag is my pink flag" problem
- Overcorrecting after a breakup: Why swinging to the opposite "type" often backfires — and how to tell if you're in a real relationship or just a reactive experiment
- The case against dating apps: Why they've shifted from "meeting people" to "curating a resume," and a reframe for using them without losing your mind
- Curiosity as a skill: Borrowing from motivational interviewing to ask better first-date questions — including a simple reframe of "do you want kids?" into an open-ended, story-driven conversation
- Millennial dating pressure: Why knowing what you don't want (thanks, parents' divorce rates) hasn't translated into knowing what you do want
Acknowledgement: The sound is a bit off, and we appreciate your patience and understanding as technological issues occur.
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
44 min - Shame and Healing in Sex Addiction with Austin Hatch
Austin Hatch is a certified sex addiction therapist and founder of Phase Your Recovery. In this episode, he and Brittani talk about the difference between honesty and transparency, how shame gets weaponized in relationships, and why community — not just insight — is often the missing piece in real change.
Topics Covered:
- Why most clients arrive in the middle of a self-made crisis
- The "hidden language of addiction": minimization, rationalization, justification
- Honesty as an offering vs. transparency as a bid for control
- "Sad puppy energy" and how shame gets weaponized in relationships
- Why Austin pushes back on the addiction label as an identity
- Requiring partners into the work within the first three sessions
- Reframing needs vs. desires around sex and intimacy
- Building Unmasking Shame, a 12-month experiential couples group
- Male vulnerability, culture, and what genuine emotional honesty looks like
Connect with Austin: https://phasezerorecovery.com/about-us
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZnrCJ-7WtX9NTIOu8d2gNA
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
1 hr 1 min - The Past and Future of Sex with Dr. Marianne Brandon
Sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Marianne Brandon is here to energize the conversation about sex. Marianne shares what she discovered after years of working with highly educated, sexually confident women who still struggled with low libido — and why the standard interventions weren't working. The conversation gets into evolutionary biology, the "10 seeds" framework for understanding desire differences, what it actually takes for women to let go in the bedroom, and what AI and VR porn mean for the future of human intimacy.
In this episode:
- How Marianne fell into sex therapy — and kept it a secret for years
- Why giving women "permission" isn't enough to solve low libido
- The seed analogy: understanding desire differences through an evolutionary lens
- Why caretaking kills desire (and what to do about it)
- Practical exercises for women learning to open their bodies and men reclaiming their power
- VR porn, oxytocin, and why therapists need to be paying attention
- Romantasy, AI intimacy, and the growing turn away from real humans
Guest Resources:
- Podcast: The Sex Doctors
- Website: drbrandon.net
- Psychology Today blog: The Future of Intimacy
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
54 min
About How To Relate
From the publisher's feed
Many people try to answer what makes relationships work. This podcast aims to answer how do we work relationships? I’m Brittani Procknow, a relationship therapist working with individuals and couples…
to deepen intimacy and live relationally. I’m taking insights from behind closed doors to you, a listener seeking to improve your relational wellbeing. I’m talking to people about everyday concepts including mental health, work, dating, families, friendships, and hobbies to give insights and actions towards living relationally. I’m grateful to have you here. Let’s dive in.