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How To Relate
How To Relate episodes
- AMA: The Erotic Equation, Attraction, Obstacles & Dating Apps Have in Common, Red Flags, and Death of Curiosity in Dating
Matthew Case turns the mic on Brittani for a rapid-fire AMA episode, unpacking what's missing from the current dating and relationship advice landscape — and why attachment styles and red-flag culture might be doing more harm than good.
- The attachment style hyperfixation: Why reducing every dating dynamic to "anxious vs. avoidant" strips away nuance — and Jack Morin's "erotic equation" (attraction + obstacle = desire) as a better lens for understanding chemistry
- "We attract what we lack": How the same qualities that draw us to a partner can become the exact source of friction later on
- The dating coach blind spot: Why telling people who they should be attracted to rarely works — and what to do instead when you keep dating the same "type"
- Red flag fatigue: What we lose by hyperfocusing on red flags instead of green flags, and the "your red flag is my pink flag" problem
- Overcorrecting after a breakup: Why swinging to the opposite "type" often backfires — and how to tell if you're in a real relationship or just a reactive experiment
- The case against dating apps: Why they've shifted from "meeting people" to "curating a resume," and a reframe for using them without losing your mind
- Curiosity as a skill: Borrowing from motivational interviewing to ask better first-date questions — including a simple reframe of "do you want kids?" into an open-ended, story-driven conversation
- Millennial dating pressure: Why knowing what you don't want (thanks, parents' divorce rates) hasn't translated into knowing what you do want
Acknowledgement: The sound is a bit off, and we appreciate your patience and understanding as technological issues occur.
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
44 min - Shame and Healing in Sex Addiction with Austin Hatch
Austin Hatch is a certified sex addiction therapist and founder of Phase Your Recovery. In this episode, he and Brittani talk about the difference between honesty and transparency, how shame gets weaponized in relationships, and why community — not just insight — is often the missing piece in real change.
Topics Covered:
- Why most clients arrive in the middle of a self-made crisis
- The "hidden language of addiction": minimization, rationalization, justification
- Honesty as an offering vs. transparency as a bid for control
- "Sad puppy energy" and how shame gets weaponized in relationships
- Why Austin pushes back on the addiction label as an identity
- Requiring partners into the work within the first three sessions
- Reframing needs vs. desires around sex and intimacy
- Building Unmasking Shame, a 12-month experiential couples group
- Male vulnerability, culture, and what genuine emotional honesty looks like
Connect with Austin: https://phasezerorecovery.com/about-us
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZnrCJ-7WtX9NTIOu8d2gNA
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
1 hr 1 min - The Past and Future of Sex with Dr. Marianne Brandon
Sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Marianne Brandon is here to energize the conversation about sex. Marianne shares what she discovered after years of working with highly educated, sexually confident women who still struggled with low libido — and why the standard interventions weren't working. The conversation gets into evolutionary biology, the "10 seeds" framework for understanding desire differences, what it actually takes for women to let go in the bedroom, and what AI and VR porn mean for the future of human intimacy.
In this episode:
- How Marianne fell into sex therapy — and kept it a secret for years
- Why giving women "permission" isn't enough to solve low libido
- The seed analogy: understanding desire differences through an evolutionary lens
- Why caretaking kills desire (and what to do about it)
- Practical exercises for women learning to open their bodies and men reclaiming their power
- VR porn, oxytocin, and why therapists need to be paying attention
- Romantasy, AI intimacy, and the growing turn away from real humans
Guest Resources:
- Podcast: The Sex Doctors
- Website: drbrandon.net
- Psychology Today blog: The Future of Intimacy
Brittani's Resources
- Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
- IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
- Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
- Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
54 min - Why Connection Beats Algorithms: A genuine conversation with startup founder Devyn Lowry
Devyn Lowry joins Brittani to talk about life as a startup founder, why empathy is a non-negotiable skill in tech, and the broken systems that led him to build Ocean Labs — a mental health platform designed to actually match people with the right therapist.
Topics Covered:
- What it's really like working in startups (spoiler: a lot of hats)
- Why empathy belongs on every team, not just in design
- The research-backed reason therapeutic fit drives outcomes
- How current therapist matching platforms are just glorified database filters
- The ethics of VC funding in mental health tech
- AI, human connection, and why we need to get back to building things that matter
Connect with Devyn:
- LinkedIn: Devyn Lowry
- Website: https://www.tryocean.io/
- Email: [email protected]
Resources Mentioned:
- Ocean Labs beta launch: June 25th
- Therapists: reach out directly to join the network
- Prospective clients: early intake sign-ups opening soon
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Stay connected. Go touch grass.
49 min - What Are You Actually Living For? Purpose, Passion, and the Three Currencies with Drew Klobuchar
What is purpose, and how do you find it when life feels uncertain, overwhelming, or directionless?
In this episode, Brittani and Drew explore the relationship between purpose, passion, responsibility, freedom, and meaning. They unpack why purpose isn't always about feeling inspired or excited—it often emerges through commitment, curiosity, relationships, and even irritation.
From childhood report cards and career choices to Viktor Frankl, daydreaming, self-limiting beliefs, and the role of relationships in creating meaning, this conversation offers a thoughtful look at what helps us build a life that feels purposeful.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- The difference between passion and purpose
- Why passion isn't always enjoyable—and often involves suffering
- How responsibility can create meaning and strengthen identity
- The connection between purpose and relationships
- Self-limiting beliefs that keep us from pursuing what matters
- Why freedom alone doesn't necessarily lead to fulfillment
- How imagination and daydreaming can reveal what you truly want
- Viktor Frankl's perspective on meaning, choice, and attitude
- The role of irritation, curiosity, and fascination in creating change
- Why relational care is a form of self-care
Brittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads:
https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
1 hr 1 min - Breaking the Broke Mindset with Taylor Gilbert
Taylor is a LCSW and founder of Social Work to Wealth- a finance education platform for social workers. Taylor shares how a tip about high-yield savings accounts sent her down a personal finance rabbit hole that reshaped her finances, her marriage, and her mission. She and her husband tackled $277,000 in debt — and she's been sharing that journey publicly ever since to normalize the money conversation for social workers everywhere.
In this episode:
- Why the "you're not in it for the money" messaging is harmful — and wrong
- What the NASW Code of Ethics actually says about financial wellness (Taylor asked the guy who wrote it)
- The "digital envelope" budgeting method Taylor has used for four years
- Practical salary negotiation tips, including why you need a script in your Notes app
- Nontraditional career paths: trust and safety at Spotify, HR at IPSY, and beyond
- The three currencies — money, time, and energy — and where yours is going
Resources mentioned:
- Finance for the People — Paco de León https://www.amazon.com/Finance-People-Getting-Grip-Finances/dp/0143136259
- I Will Teach You to Be Rich — Ramit Sethi https://www.amazon.com/Will-Teach-You-Be-Rich/dp/0761147489
- Yo Quiero Dinero podcast — Jannese Torres https://yoquierodineropodcast.com/
- Delyanne the Money Coach https://delyannethemoneycoach.com/
- Tori Dunlap / Her First $100K https://herfirst100k.com/
Find Taylor: socialworktowealth.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/socialworktowealth/
How to Relate
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
55 min - Why Becoming a Parent Changes Everything with Veronica Kemeny
We plan births. We register for gear. We don't plan for what happens to the people becoming parents. Veronica Kemeny, co-founder of Anchor Perinatal Wellness in Raleigh, joins Brittani to talk about matrescence, the neuroscience of new parenthood, why couples hit their hardest stretch right when baby arrives — and what support actually looks like across a full continuum of care. Veronica Kemeny, LCSW discusses the realities of pregnancy, postpartum mental health, parenting, relationships, and nervous system regulation.
Resources
- Anchor Perinatal Wellness — free walk-in screenings, outpatient + IOP, call even if you're out of state https://www.anchorperinatal.com/
- Postpartum Support International — postpartum.net · 55+ free virtual support groups, 24/7 Maternal Mental Health Hotline, state chapters for local navigation
Brittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads Newsletter: For therapists to stay connected
https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
49 min - Healing from Betrayal Trauma with Heather Heide
What happens when everything you thought was true about your relationship turns out to be built on secrets? Heather Heide, founder of Uplifted Therapy in Minnesota, a practice specializing in betrayal trauma. Heather works with couples and individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity, sex addiction, and all the nuanced forms betrayal can take — and what healing actually looks like when your world gets rocked.
Resources Mentioned
- Seeking Integrity — treatment center with extensive free resources for betrayal and sex addiction
- Michelle Mays — betrayal trauma specialist and podcast host
- Dr. Ken Adams — work on enmeshment and generational family patterns
- Terry Real — shame/grandiosity/boundarylessness framework referenced in conversation
- Maddie Corman's one-woman show on betrayal trauma (title TBD — Heather to confirm!)
- Unmasking Shame — Heather's upcoming shame project with her business partner, launching in approximately 6 weeks
Connect with Heather
- uplifted-therapy.com
- Instagram: @heatherheidi
Brittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Therapist Threads:
https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
59 min - Therapy vs. Coaching, Leadership, and the Inner Work of Work
What separates great leaders from ones who quietly destroy their teams? And when you're the one burning out at the top — do you stay or go? Kealy Spring, licensed therapist and executive coach in the San Francisco Bay Area, breaks down the inner psychology of leadership, what executive coaching actually is, and why most people calling themselves coaches probably aren't.
In This Episode
- Therapy vs. coaching — where they overlap and where the line actually is
- The energy audit: a practical tool for diagnosing burnout before deciding to stay or quit
- Golden handcuffs — how to think through ambivalence when the pay is great but you're miserable
- The 3-step cognitive reframe for catching distorted thinking at work (mind reading, personalization, and more)
- Imposter syndrome across career stages — and why it hits differently for women
- The double bind for women in leadership: likable vs. competent, and how to navigate it
- Why less than 10% of coaches are actually thriving — and what the unregulated industry gets wrong
Key Takeaways
🔑 The energy audit isn't about adding to your plate — it's about gathering data so you know where to work the edges.
🔑 Cognitive distortions don't stay home when you go to work. Name it → check your evidence → reframe.
🔑 Coaching is strategic and time-limited. Therapy goes deeper into patterns and history. You may need both.
Resources Mentioned
- Kealy's therapy practice: keelyspring.com | Coaching: Spring Ahead Coaching
- Kealy's podcast: Therapeutically Aligned https://www.youtube.com/@therapeuticallyaligned
- Hampton — peer advisory groups for founders
- Simon Sinek's Start With Why | Self-Determination Theory
- ☕ Larry's Coffee: https://larryscoffee.com/relate
Brittani's Resources:
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Stay connected.
57 min - Conflict Is the Symptom, Not the Problem: Couples Therapy, Intensives, and the Power of Experiential Connection with Carole Cullen
What if the problem in your relationship isn’t the argument you keep having—but the pattern underneath it?
Therapist Carole Cullen explores how couples can move from disconnection to deeper intimacy using a mix of structured tools, emotional processing, and experiential learning.
Carole shares how she integrates the John Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), why traditional 50-minute sessions often fall short, and how immersive couples intensives can create breakthroughs in just a few days.
We also dive into her innovative membership model, The Work of Us, which combines therapy, community, and real-life experiences—from Pilates to equine-assisted learning—to help couples reconnect outside the therapy room.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same conflict loop, this episode will help you understand why—and what actually creates change.
Carole's Resources:
Website: https://mytherapistnc.org/
Couples Workshops: https://www.couplesworkshopsnc.com/
Brittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
54 min
About How To Relate
From the publisher's feed
Many people try to answer what makes relationships work. This podcast aims to answer how do we work relationships? I’m Brittani Procknow, a relationship therapist working with individuals and couples…
to deepen intimacy and live relationally. I’m taking insights from behind closed doors to you, a listener seeking to improve your relational wellbeing. I’m talking to people about everyday concepts including mental health, work, dating, families, friendships, and hobbies to give insights and actions towards living relationally. I’m grateful to have you here. Let’s dive in.