Seth lost his mom. Pete lost his dad. And both are working through the experience of grief that comes with the impact on their lives and families. This is not an episode that answers all your grief questions. There are far better topical podcasts with experts to help with that. This show is an exploration of the experience with two guys living through it, and a reflection on how grief — whether from the loss of a beloved family member to the loss of a family through divorce — wrecks havoc on your system, your senses, and your reality. If you’re going through it, we simply want to share: you are not alone. Thank you for listening along with us this week. As you can imagine, it’s not an easy conversation to have. But if we’ve learned anything in our experience so far, you can’t hide from it. So, here you go… Pete and Seth devoutly not hiding.

• (00:00) - Sponsor: Soberlink
• (01:34) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (02:01) - Dealing with the Grieving Process
• (03:53) - Grief Is Grief Is Grief
• (06:49) - Impact
• (15:10) - Moving Past the Divorce
• (17:08) - Support
• (20:39) - Numbing
• (26:48) - Go-To Memories
• (29:11) - Getting Help
• (34:33) - When Divorce Isn't Your Choice
• (37:41) - Grieving Kids
• (39:57) - Making Room
• (41:34) - Memories
• (46:42) - Wrapping Up
• (47:09) - Listener Question

You're doing all the right things, all the things your team has told you to do: you’re facing the prospect of divorce head-on. But when the process gets hard, it’s even harder to keep your head held high. How do you keep your focus on a successful outcome when everything else in the divorce process feels so ugly? To help us through it all we welcome Elizabeth Ann Atkins. Elizabeth is America’s Book Coach and author of more than 40 books, wellness coach, and co-host of 'MI Healthy Mind', the Emmy-nominated Michigan TV talk show that is shattering the stigma around mental illness, addiction, and abuse. Links & Notes

• MI Healthy Mind
• America's Book Coach
• Connect with Elizabeth on LinkedIn
• Husbands, Incorporated by Elizabeth Ann Atkins • "Beautiful men. Mind-blowing pleasure. And perfect marriages that last only one year."

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:26) - Meet Elizabeth Ann Atkins
• (02:00) - Finding Forgiveness on the Other Side
• (05:45) - Finding Peace
• (08:57) - Peace Through the Divorce
• (12:32) - Stereotypes
• (14:09) - Sponsor: Soberlink
• (15:43) - Positive vs. Negative
• (17:32) - Keeping It Together for the Child
• (19:44) - Oprah
• (20:46) - The Power of Manifestation & Goals
• (23:22) - Looking Forward
• (23:57) - To Re-Marry or Not to Re-Marry
• (30:01) - Deciding to Be Vulnerable Again
• (32:26) - Wrapping Up

What does it mean to forgive after your divorce? You can count many reasons to hold a grudge; you have all the reasons that led you to divorce in the first place, but divorce isn’t normally a process that naturally cultivates calm and understanding. So, how do you find peace in the process? Our guest today is Twyla M. Marks, host of “Divorce Talk with Twyla” and survivor of her own toxic divorce. She shares her journey to getting her HAPPY back, finding the right balance for her kids and her former spouse, and the importance of self-care after divorce.Links & Notes

• Divorce Talk with Twyla Marks
• Twyla M. Marks
• The Unexpected: The Ride of My Life by Twyla M. Marks

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:27) - Meet Twyla M. Marks
• (01:14) - Rebuilding After a Toxic Divorce
• (03:42) - Lower Your Expectations
• (06:10) - Time
• (08:17) - Forgiving Yourself
• (12:07) - Tools for Forgiveness
• (15:42) - Twyla's Podcast & Book
• (16:56) - Advice When Looking for a Divorce Attorney
• (19:59) - Wrapping Up

Whatever your position on Valentine's Day as a holiday, there's no denying the cultural charge of romantic expectation around us. That charge can work wonders, lifting us to romantic heights and hormonal bliss — when it’s working. But what happens when it’s not? What happens when the spark is gone, the romance stifled, the marriage over? What do you do when you run into your first post-divorce Valentine's Day? This week on the show, we turn to you. How did you handle your first Valentine’s Day after your divorce? First things first, we learned to redefine our terms: Valentine’s Day is, of course, not the only emotionally-charged day you’ll have to weather after your divorce. But it is the one with the most cards telling you to go love up someone, so that’s where we landed. Stories from listeners who've done it and care enough to share this week in the Toaster.

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (01:32) - Emotionally Charged Days
• (02:45) - Kaley's Valentine's Day Story
• (05:54) - Seth's First Post-Divorce Valentine's Day
• (10:28) - Listeners' Stories
• (12:09) - Sponsor: Soberlink
• (13:43) - More Listeners' Stories
• (30:04) - Wrapping Up

Our hiatus continues as we get closer to season five! In today’s episode, we return to season one for a conversation Pete and Seth had without any guests – what do post-divorce relationships look like? What’s going to happen to your kids and their relationship with former grandparents? Step- and former step-spouses? Former step-siblings? What rights exist to keep these family relationships together? Like ripples in a pond, families big and small alike experience a complex emotional re-wiring when met with divorce. If you’re a party getting the divorce, this part is going to be hard. This week on the show, we’re talking all about the tapestry of relationships you have made and will undoubtedly unravel as you wind your way through the divorce process.

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:29) - Follow-Up
• (03:46) - Post-Divorce Relationships
• (06:40) - Lower Your Expectations
• (07:52) - Common Former Spouse Relationships
• (13:59) - Grandparents
• (16:42) - Friends
• (19:57) - Who gets the hairdresser?
• (21:24) - Do the kids stay in touch with ex-step siblings?
• (24:28) - Regrets... I have a few...
• (25:42) - Term of the Week: Step-Child
• (28:04) - Who can help with all of these relationships?
• (31:30) - Wrapping Up

We continue our hiatus as we prepare for season five. In today’s episode, we return to season three and our conversation with Megan Hunter at the Hight Conflict Institute in a great conversation about dealing with divorce with high conflict people.Ninety percent of divorce conflict can be resolved through dialog and negotiation. But what about that last ten percent? In these situations you might find yourself interacting with partners that have moved from the frustration and grief natural in the divorce process and into what we have come to call high conflict behavior.Megan Hunter co-founded the High Conflict Institute, an organization dedicated to this group that engages in high conflict behaviors. What is high conflict behavior in the divorce process? How do you resolve conflict when risk is high and this behavior is potentially dangerous? How do you move toward settlement when any resolution appears to be impossible? Join us today to find out. Links & Notes

• The High Conflict Institute
• Guides on Divorce and Co-Parenting in High Conflict Situations

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (01:09) - Introducing Megan Hunter
• (03:40) - Psychology and the High Conflict Divorce
• (07:26) - Is High Conflict Behavior Triggerable?
• (13:08) - Empathy and The Brain
• (20:05) - Give them an E.A.R.
• (29:24) - Dealing with Narcissists
• (32:19) - The BIFF Response
• (40:46) - The BIFF Check and the Three As

Are you ready to stage your Epic Comeback? Then it’s time for you to meet Nikki Bruno, divorce coach.

“Get over your divorce before your divorce is over.” So says divorce coach Nikki Bruno in one of the programs she offers, guiding participants through the divorce process with a coach’s attention. And as a coach, she is dedicated to the internal work, the processing required to move through the grief of conflict, anxiety, fear, depression, and grief that comes alongside the legal separation.We’re continuing a series of dips back into the archives as we continue our hiatus getting ready for season five! This week on the show, we’re jumping back to season 2 to revisit our conversation with Nikki Bruno. Nikki walks us through the work of a coach and how the divorce coach can work alongside the legal process of the divorce itself.About Nikki BrunoNikki Bruno is an empowerment coach and founder of The Epic Comeback™. Her experience of reclaiming her power after a high-conflict divorce inspired her to help others do the same. Bruno is a thought leader on high-conflict divorce, emotional abuse, intuition, and mompreneurship. She is also a 20-year veteran of the publishing industry and a published author. Bruno holds degrees from Princeton and Harvard Universities. She’s been featured on TV news channels worldwide and in Forbes, Reader’s Digest, Authority Magazine, Cosmopolitan, and other outlets. A single mom of two, Bruno loves scuba diving, traveling, salsa dancing, and helping women (re)discover how incredible they are.Links & Notes

• Learn more about Nikki Bruno
• Subscribe to Niki’s Podcast: The Epic Comeback™

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:29) - Nikki Bruno
• (06:21) - The Challenge of Learning to Get Over It
• (06:54) - The Stages of Acceptance
• (07:58) - The Importance of Language
• (09:07) - Divorce as an Opportunity
• (10:59) - Nikki's Coaching
• (16:44) - When in the Divorce Process
• (19:57) - Learning to Look Inward
• (20:38) - What to Bring to the Table
• (26:48) - Learning to Stop Lying to Yourself
• (32:50) - Coaching During the Divorce Process
• (38:27) - How to Find a Coach
• (43:44) - Wrapping Up

Happy New Year! In our season break we brought the team together to talk about divorce in the movies. From hyper-stylized to hyper-real, how well do filmmakers capture divorce? Producer Andy Nelson joins Pete and Seth as we build our divorce movie watchlist.Seth

• It’s Complicated (steal)
• The First Wives Club
• Something’s Gotta Give
• Under the Tuscan Sun

Pete

• War of the Roses (steal)
• Crazy, Stupid, Love.
• Her
• Marriage Story
• Gloria Bell

Andy

• The Squid and the Whale
• Blue Valentine
• A Separation
• Waiting to Exhale (steal)
• Life of the Party

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:26) - Holiday Bonus: Divorce On Film
• (02:55) - Round One
• (07:51) - Dropping the Bomb
• (09:19) - Round Two
• (14:22) - Round Three
• (21:03) - Round Four
• (27:23) - Bonus Round
• (31:12) - Wrapping Up

We’re on a short break as we celebrate the holidays with our families and gear up for season five coming in 2022. While we’re away, we thought it might be nice to take another trip down memory lane and share some of our favorite episodes from our early seasons of the Toaster. This week, we’re talking about your space. You’re newly divorced. You’ve moved into a new place. Let’s say, to really put a cap on this exercise of imagination, you’re sitting on the floor one night eating sesame chicken straight out of the take out container by the light of a single lamp and you’re wondering — perhaps aloud — what am I going to do next?You’re going to start but rediscovering your own individual sense of style.This week on the show, Jamie Blumenthal of Blumenthal Designs joins us to talk about the power of interior design in finding your own identity after your divorce. She teaches us how you can rediscover the power of your own voice as you create a space of comfort and personality. And, she adds, when you’re ready to get back out there, you’ll have a welcoming space that communicates who you are, “and doesn’t look like a dorm room!”Bottom line: Taking care of your space means taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally. This holiday season, self-care starts at home. Links & Notes

• Learn more about Jamie Blumenthal
• Subscribe to Jamie on Instagram
• Subscribe to Jamie on YouTube

• (01:24) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (01:54) - Meet Jamie Blumenthal, Interior Designer
• (03:28) - Rediscovering Your New Identity
• (08:21) - The Kids' Space
• (11:16) - Finishing a Temporary Space
• (13:55) - Figuring Out What You Like
• (15:30) - The One Who Stays in the Old Place
• (17:17) - Helping Clients Feel Right in Their New Space
• (21:33) - Term of the Week
• (22:20) - Fair But Not Necessarily Equal
• (23:53) - How Do You Afford It?
• (27:50) - Finding a Designer
• (32:47) - Spending Smartly During the Divorce Proceeding
• (36:13) - Neither Too Masculine Nor Too Feminine
• (37:21) - Crazy Requests
• (39:12) - Wrapping Up