How to Survive

It's episode 184, and we're on the continent for feel-good French fun...

Martyrs (2008) tells the story of Lucie, a young girl who is kidnapped and tortured as a child, but is able to escape. Years later, she seeks revenge on her kidnappers, but she (along with her friend Anna) get more than they bargain for...

We discuss the worst helmet design of any experiment ever; the sheer arrogance of undertaking massive medical procedures yourself; and the very clear need for surgeons to wear gloves when handing out savage beatings.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Martyrs are exceptional people...

Next week, French Extremism / Revenge season continues with Revenge (2018).

Get in touch! [email protected]

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It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made.

Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Yes)

We discuss the high risk, low reward of installing a shotgun in your arm; the importance of installing alarms in your opium den; and the best time to play your nanobot trump card.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I cannot allow us to be killed.

Next week, it's French Extremism / Revenge season with Martyrs (2008).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 182, and if anyone tries to stop me, the old geezer gets it!

RoboCop (1987) is the story of Alex Murphy, a police officer in dystopian Detroit who gets shot to bits by thugs and rebuilt as a part-man, part-machine enforcer. He's supposed to keep the peace, but does OCP, the shady corporation who built him, have an ulterior motive? Yes. Yes they do.

We discuss the importance of iterative design, the faulty logic of kicking the groin of a metallic man, and why it should be less Cop and more Robo when it comes to designing your perfect cyborg enforcer.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Dead or alive, you're coming with me!

Next week, it's we continue Cyber-Modification-Body-Horror season with Leigh Whannel's splatter-tastic Upgrade! (2018).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 181, and we are the things that were and shall be again!

Evil Dead II (1987) is Sam Raimi's cult classic follow-up to cult classic The Evil Dead (1981), and like all good sequels it doubles down on the splatter, chainsaws, and eyebrow-raising violence, once again starring the best eyebrow-raiser in the business: Bruce Campbell!

We talk about maintaining basic sanitation in a remote, demon-plagued cabin; whether Raimi's style leaves us too busy laughing to ever be scared; and most importantly of all we discuss which power tools would make for the best prosthetic limbs in day-to-day life.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: He has fallen from the sky to save us from the deadites, he's a hero!

Next week, it's the start of Cyber-Modification-Body-Horror season with action classic Robocop! (1987).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 180, and good night darling. Say your prayers. Oh, by the way, your dad and I just torched some maniac last night.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) tells the story of Kristen, a young girl who is haunted by a marauding maniac in her dreams. That maniac is Freddy Krueger - and when she is placed in a psychiatric home for teenagers, she realises all of the other patients are also haunted by Freddy. Luckily, the main one from the original movie is now a dream doctor and she can help them out. No, really.

We talk about sartorial responsibility at funerals; the ultimate guide to lucid dreaming whenever you want to; and we try to get to grips on a franchise which has already spun wildly out of control.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: There will be no repeat occurrences of last night's events. From now on your doors will be locked during sleeping hours. We'll start a policy of evening sedation for everybody.

Next week, more franchise fun with Evil Dead 2 (1987).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 179, and our mission is simple. We go in, and we take him out!

The Raid (2011) aka The Raid: Redemption follows Rama, a member of a Jakarta Special Forces squad who embark on an ill-fated assault on a drug lord's compound. Twists and turns (of limbs) ensue, as well as punches, kicks, stabbings, shootings, bottlings, bannisterings, bulbings and defenestrations in one of the bloodiest and bloody-brilliant-est films we've ever covered.

We talk about martial arts, musicals and Mad Dogs, why you should never antagonise a man with a gun who has a gun to your head (that's a fairly obvious one), and Joe reveals why, in the life and death game of Tekken, there's only one motto to remember: invite them to dinner, and feed them.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: They'll come here. They'll tear this place to the ground.

Next week, we're back on our franchise bullshit with A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 178, and there is nothing we can hold onto in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) tells the story of Li Mu Bai, a fearsome warrior with 'last day on the job' syndrome, and Yu Shu Lien, another fearsome warrior who is in love with him. Before they can retire and live out their lives together, they must deal with Jen Yu, another fearsome warrior who is the daughter of a local official and Jade Fox, another fearsome warrior who killed Li Mu Bai's master (another fearsome warrior) and is now hiding as Jen's servant.

We talk about one of the most compelling visions for an action movie ever; a potted history of wuxia; and the benefits of a chainmail snood.

All of which leads to one important question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: No growth without assistance. No action without reaction. No desire without restraint. Now give yourself up and find yourself again.

Next week, we're fighting our way through The Raid (2011).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode.

Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype?

We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom.

All of which leads to one question:

How would you survive?

Get in touch with your thoughts: [email protected]

And we'll see you on Wednesday for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).

It's episode 177, and all I know is that the boy was my charge. And if he was not the word of God. Then God never spoke.

The Road (2009) paints a harrowing picture of a ruined world following some kind of unknown cataclysm. A man and his boy journey South, hoping in vain to find warmth, food and shelter, but must brave the elements, fellow survivors and even cannibals along the way.

We talk about the most distressing vision of the future we've covered so far on the podcast with cannibals, calderas, and everything in-between, and strap in for the most miserable quiz around.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You look at him again, I'll shoot you in the head.

Next week, we flying kick our way into martial arts movies with Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

It's episode 176, and that's something you can't unsee.

Bird Box (2019) paints a post-apocalyptic world in which the mere sight of a mysterious supernatural entity causes people to die by suicide. Can Malorie, alongside her creatively named children 'Boy' and 'Girl', survive a harrowing 48 hour trip downriver in a raft, remaining blindfolded the entire time?

Blindfolds at the ready as we discuss the vogue of sensory deprivation horror, the vagueries of Bird Box's world, the one time of day it makes sense to be blindfolded and the most important item to remember when embarking on a treacherous, water-based trip. Can you guess what it is? Joe couldn't.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Under no circumstances are you allowed to take off your blindfold.

Next week, we're going on another miserable journey down The Road (2009).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod