It's episode 191...and as I believe the world to be, so it is.

As Above, So Below (2014) tells the story of intrepid historian Scarlett Marlowe who, along with her friend George, documentarian Benji and a trio of Parisian guides, enters the Catacombs under Paris to find the tomb of Nicholas Flamel, and maybe with it the key to eternal life.

We take a descent through Dante's Inferno, have banters eternal, ask ourselves how much prior knowledge of historical literature should be expected for what appears to be a schlocky Hollywood horror, and stress the importance of taking a mental health day when the spectres of your dead relatives appear to be haunting your waking world.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The only way out is down.

Next week, we're going off the rails for the beginning of the long-awaited 'Train Season' - it's Train to Busan (2016)!

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In a move which is completely out of character, Joe accidentally watched the wrong movie in preparation for this week's show.

As such, we're taking a week away from the studio while he gathers his thoughts, and we're re-releasing our 10th ever episode: Titanic (1997).

Long time fans will love the trip down memory lane. New fans will wonder how we managed to squeeze out another 180 episodes...

Tune in next week for the correct film: As Above, So Below (2014).

It's episode 190...and if the food don't kill you, the service will!

We're back in Elm Street for yet another bout with Freddy in Renny Harlin's A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)! Kristen, Kincaid and Joey (how could we forget?!) return, but with Freddy vanquished at the end of The Dream Warriors, surely a happy ending awaits them all? Surely it won't all go wrong as the result of a dog pissing fire on a grave? Surely?

We talk about baffling nursery rhyme-ex-machinas, roach motels, meta movie editing gags and ask ourselves whether we even care about the the Elm Street lore anyway - and yes, we chat about fire-pissing dogs. Fire-pissing dogs! 

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You can check in...but you can't check out!

Next week, we're going underground in Paris for catacombs horror As Above, So Below (2014)!

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It's episode 189...and three months ago, I was cutting grass on my front yard. The mailman shows up with a letter from the army. Now I'm here, and no idea where I'm going to end up.

In Overlord (2018), what should be a straightforward air-invasion of Nazi-occupied France runs into trouble when Private Boyce and his colleagues find a Nazi zombie lab in a church basement. 

We discuss the risks of taking unlabelled medication; the merits of shooting dogs; and we ask whether a movie about mad Nazi-Scientists accidentally creating super-powered zombies pushes the limits of good taste.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Thank you for making me the man I now am

Next week, try to stay awake for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

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It's episode 188...and we're doing anything to get into the top 50...

It's Cam (2018), which sees Alice's world turned upside down by an imposter on her cam girl channel. The imposter looks and sounds like Alice enough to convince her carefully cultivated audience, but does things Alice would never do. Who or what is behind it?

We talk about the cost/benefit of faking an orgasm on webcam; why the decision to destroy one's own nasal passage shouldn't be taken lightly; and the merits of removing your body from an electrical circuit before turning it on.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If you get us into the top 10, we'll take all our clothes off.

Next week, it's not a Cloverfield movie, it's Overlord (2018).

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It's episode 187...and if you wanna get crazy, we can get crazy!

This week Jordan Peele, the new darling of horror cinema, returns with Us (2019). Us tells the story of the Wilsons, a lovely middle-class American family who one night find themselves confronted by menacing doppelgangers. Can they survive, and uncover the wider conspiracy threatening to turn American society on its head?

We unpack the myriad delights of Peele's thematically dense horror movie, confront impossible underground tunnels and chew over rabbit starvation - at least, I think we do. Maybe we've just been posing as podcasters our whole lives...

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: They won't stop until they kill us... or we kill them.

Next week, we're (un)covering Daniel Goldhaber & Isa Mazzei's camgirl horror Cam (2018) available on Netflix. 

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Hey, it's episode 186, and now you've got to pick up the phone!

Happy Death Day (2017) tells the story of a human called Tree who finds herself in a timeloop. It's her birthday, but someone is out to get her, and every time they do, Tree wakes up and is forced to relive the whole day again.

We discuss the importance of covering your tracks when it comes to murder; the best thing to do when you've got unlimited time on your hands; and Joe's marriage is put to the test by a certain time-travelling actress...

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Would you stop looking at me like I just took a dump on your mom's head? 

Next week, who are the best podcast hosts around?. It's Us (2019)

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It's episode 185, and we're back for more French fun and games.

Revenge (2017) tells the story of Jen, an American socialite turned avenging angel who wreaks a terrible vengeance against three men who wrong her in brutal and bloody fashion. Seriously - it's brutal, bloody, and bloody brilliant.

We discuss the supposed feminist inversion of the rape revenge genre, how much serious violence we can take seriously and whether too much villainous grandstanding can ever be a good idea? Plus there's a lot of chat about a man pulling glass out of his foot.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Your ass is like a juicy peach. It's like an alien from another planet!

Next week, we celebrate a certain special someone's birthday with Happy Death Day (2018).

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It's episode 184, and we're on the continent for feel-good French fun...

Martyrs (2008) tells the story of Lucie, a young girl who is kidnapped and tortured as a child, but is able to escape. Years later, she seeks revenge on her kidnappers, but she (along with her friend Anna) get more than they bargain for...

We discuss the worst helmet design of any experiment ever; the sheer arrogance of undertaking massive medical procedures yourself; and the very clear need for surgeons to wear gloves when handing out savage beatings.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Martyrs are exceptional people...

Next week, French Extremism / Revenge season continues with Revenge (2018).

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It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made.

Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Yes)

We discuss the high risk, low reward of installing a shotgun in your arm; the importance of installing alarms in your opium den; and the best time to play your nanobot trump card.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I cannot allow us to be killed.

Next week, it's French Extremism / Revenge season with Martyrs (2008).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod