How to Survive

It's episode 218...and they made some mess too. Smashing into buildings and everything. They always make a mess.

The Birds (1963) tells the story of some birds who, sick and tired of having the unfettered freedom of the skies, wish to rise up and attack the land-dwelling human population too. So, they migrate, only this time, they're migrating straight into your eyes, beaks-first, and there's not a damn thing you, me, Mitch or poor Melanie Daniels can do about it.

We discuss one of the all-time classics of the horror genre - does it stand up after all these years? More importantly, does it walk on two taloned feet? Does it dive at you as you're filling your car with petrol and, most importantly, does it lurk behind you in the school playground as you're innocently having your tenth cigarette of the morning waiting at the school where your beau's ex-lover works to check on your beau's younger sister at the behest of your beau's mother? Plus, we ask which weapon is best for killing birds - a baseball bat or a tennis racket? Also, should you stalk a man you barely know for the sake of a prank? All this, and many more Hitchcock impressions than you could ever want or need.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn't have a chance!

Next week, we continue 'Animals in Films' season with the oft-requested and long-awaited Snakes on a Plane (2006)

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It's episode 217...how dare you disobey your mother?!

Coraline (2009) tells the story of Coraline (duh), a precocious and bored 11-year old girl who discovers an alternate world hidden through a tunnel in her house, where everything is exactly as it seems and it's all fine and there's nothing at all to worry about, the end. Except for rats, bats, button-eyes, and the nefarious Other Mother.

We ask whether animated 'horror' can ever be scary, if body-free body horror exists, Joe proposes a baseball bat-shaped solution to Coraline's woes, and we delve into the murky world of MK-Ultra with the help of a spurious conspiracy theory website.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Now you're going to stay here forever.

Next week, you'll be flocking back to the podcast for the start of 'Animals in Films' season with an all-time classic: Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds (1963).

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How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 216...and I'm running away from myself, I guess.

Doctor Sleep (2019) is Mike Flanagan's sequel to Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of Stephen King's The Shining, but also an adaptation of Stephen King's Doctor Sleep, itself a sequel to Stephen King's The Shining, but one that disavows the changes made by Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, changes that Mike Flanagan reinstates in his Doctor Sleep, in order to serve as a sequel to both The Shining and The Shining. Confused? Surprisingly, you won't be, as it's one of the best horror movies of the year.

Here's Joey and Chris to discuss, all the film's various Abras and kadabras, astral projections and Overlooks, confirm why you should always wear your seatbelt no matter how many centuries old you are, and most importantly, ask how on Earth they managed to make what is a quite excellent film against all the odds.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The world is a hungry place, and a dark place.

Next week, it's Animated Horror season for one week only, with the oft-requested Coraline (2009).

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It's episode 215...and break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue.

Hamlet (1996) tells the story of Prince Hamlet. After his father dies in a suspicious orchard accident, Hamlet struggles to adjust to life with his uncle as his new stepdad. The same uncle is also the king now, and everyone is feeling very guilty, and before long Hamlet kills someone by accident, and then a bunch of other people die. It's four hours long

We discuss rotten happenings in the state of Branagh, give advice to the King on how to better hide your guilt or otherwise replicate a successful crime, and ask if this is the most expensive vanity project ever?

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Hide fox and all after!

Next week, it's four hours of fun with Kenneth Branagh and Hamlet (1996).

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It's episode 214...and don't let 'I dare not' wait upon 'I would'

Macbeth (2015) tells the story of Macbeth. After hearing from some witches that he will be king, Macbeth decides to take matters into his own hands to move things along. Assisted by his wife, they kill the current king - but not everyone is happy about it. In fact nobody is happy about it. Especially Macbeth.

This is one of the most visually spectacular movies you'll ever see, and we discuss its merits as an adaptation; it's use as a teaching aid; and compare it with other versions. Alongside some tips in guilt management, you'll hear our thoughts on keeping a cool head during a crime; and keeping the central heating bill down.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Was the hope drunk, Wherein you dress'd yourself?

Next week, it's four hours of fun with Kenneth Branagh and Hamlet (1996).

Get in touch! [email protected]

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How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 213...and two days ago, I had this nice simple life. And now it's a nightmare.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019) is the latest entry in the increasingly unloved and unwanted Terminator franchise, but with Tim Miller of Deadpool fame at the helm and with ol' Jimmy Cameron lurking in the background, can Arnie and Linda Hamilton wrestle the series back into shape?

This latest entry follows Dani, who's quiet life is torn apart by the sudden arrival of Grace, an enhanced super-soldier from an unknown apocalyptic future, who seeks to save her from the relentless and cunning REV-9.

We pick apart this surprisingly high-quality entry into the Terminator canon, pull back the curtain on Carl - the best creative decision since casting Arnie in the first film, ask if Hamilton is hammy or HAM, and wonder aloud what happens to all the other purposeless inter-dimensional time orphan robot assassins?

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I can see you're very upset.

Next week it's back to the year 1606 (or 2015) with Justin Kurzel's incredible Macbeth.

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Hello.

Because of various administrative issues, neither me or Joe were free to record our scheduled episode of the podcast this week - the long-awaited and keenly anticipated Terminator: Dark Fate episode will be next week instead.

But in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this selection of messages from our Mailbag podcasts which, until this compilation, has been a Patron-exclusive.

If you like what you hear, why not head over to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod to check out our weekly Mailbag episodes, and our bonus episodes covering films chosen by our patrons.

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 212...and all I have Joe has are negative thoughts.

Joker (2019) reimagines the iconic DC supervillain as the pitiful Arthur Fleck, clown-for-hire and aspiring stand-up comedian. Life is hard for the downtrodden Arthur as he struggles to make his mark against the backdrop of a Gotham City on the brink of chaos. Could a kindly neighbour, a shot at stardom and the identity of his absent father all prove a ray of hope for Arthur? Or, instead, will they precipitate his spiral into violent mania as the world begins to burn.

We talk about Joaquin and wackos, denial and De Niro, zany scores and Scorsese, and ask if Joker is a dangerous film, if it's the best film of 2019 and if will it lead to the violent uprising some fear.

Plus can you or can you not joke about anything these days?

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I had a bad day.

Next week it's what will surely prove to be the film of 2019: Terminator: Dark Fate.

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 211...and he's a monster. Pure psychopath. So rare to capture one alive. From a research point of view, Lecter is our most prized asset.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991) follows Clarice Starling on her quest to thwart flaying serial killer Buffalo Bill. To gain insight on psychopathic murderers, Starling is sent to interview Hannibal 'the Cannibal' Lecter, a convicted cannibalistic serial killer. But will her tricky assignment land her in more danger than she realises?

We discuss if the five Academy Award winning crime thriller classic is, in fact, slightly overrated, whether Hopkins' Hannibal is more pantomime than pant-filling, and offer advice to paramedics, deranged killers and Miggs.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You forgot the power glove

Next week: will Todd Phillip's super-villain origin story put a smile on our face? It's Joker (2019)

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod

How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod

It's episode 210... and these are ancient dream demons. Supposedly they roam the dreams of the living till they find the most evil, twisted human imaginable. Then they give him the power to cross the line and turn our nightmares into reality.

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) tells the story of John Doe (no really), a young man who is used as bait to lure Freddy Krueger's child back to Springwood, so that Freddy can leave Springwood. Make sense? Well don't worry, I've seen the movie and I'm still scratching my head.

We'll hear from one of the world's greatest living fighters (currently recovering from a career threatening injury) who has some top fighting tips for Freddy; we also consider safe storage of guns, throwing stars and dynamite in a children's refuge; and we advise brutal simplicity of thought in hatching any nefarious plan.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You forgot the power glove

Next week: it downloads the podcast, or else it gets the hose again. It's The Silence of the Lambs (1991).

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowToSurvivePod