How to Survive

It's episode 175, and you're just a freak in a cheap suit.

The Dark Knight (2008) tells the story of Bruce Wayne, aka Batman, aka The Dark Knight, aka The Caped Crusader as he teams up with Gotham's new District Attorney, Harvey Dent, to take on The Joker. Will they stop him before his diabolical plan is realised?

We talk about human resourcing in major city police departments; the dangers of over-reliance on technology; and the strangest dinner party exchange in any movie ever (which wasn't in this one).

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Next week, keep an eye out for Bird Box (2018).

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It's episode 174, and am I not supposed to have what I want, what I need? What am I supposed to do?.

Spider-Man 2 (2004) tells the story of Peter Parker as he adjusts to life as a young adult. Pete is stretched thin, burning the candle at both ends to keep up with the demands of studying, delivering pizzas, and being Spider-Man. Something has to give - and something needs to be done about the dreaded Dr. Octopus - New York's newest supervillain.

We talk about the best setting for nuclear experimentation; the risks of throwing cars first and asking questions later; and we ask: who would make a better life partner - a rich, handsome astronaut who is the son of a newspaper mogul, or an unemployed, broke student who appears to have no interest in you?

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Now you know the truth about Peter, Avenge me... AVENGE ME!

Let's put a smile on that face... next week it's The Dark Knight (2008).

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Christmas may be over, but festive fever is still high at the How to Survive podcast. All together now: Download podcast, sesame.

We're back once again, tackling our favourite movie series ever - one which is fast becoming a true horror franchise. It's Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House (2002).

We talk about all the very slight problems of the film: Casting, costuming, scripting, cinematography, editing, pacing and much much more. And of course, the many positives of the movie too (you'll just have to listen to the show to hear about those).

After all that, for one final time this year, we ask: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The trouble with sports cars, there's no room for anybody else maybe one other person max. But if you want to take a real road trip luggage and all you don't even have room for a friend I mean there cool and fast and all but who wants to be in a nice car when you're alone all.

See you next week for Spider-Man 2 (2004).

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It's the most wonderful time of the year, and that can only mean one thing - a bonus episode of How to Survive about a woefully inappropriate family-friendly Christmas film!

This year we're donning our red and white hats and letting Rudolph guide our way through The Santa Clause, the 1994 classic family Christmas romp with an immensely sinister undertone of magical indentured servitude which robs hapless individuals of their lives in exchange for years of thankless service followed by total dematerialisation.

There'll be podcasts for hosting and films to be roasting from Christmasses long, long ago and, of course, an exhaustive discussion of the ways in which The Santa Clause actually has an awful lot in common with Schindler's List.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! And when I wake up, I'm gettin' a CAT scan!

Look out for a special podcast on Boxing Day in which we watch the worst film ever made so you don't have to: Home Alone 4: Taking Back The House.

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It's episode 173, and you could be brilliant, but you're a coward.

Black Swan tells the story of amitious but anxious prima ballerina Nina, who is preparing for the dual starring roles in a revolutionary production of Swan Lake. But as the stress of her impending performance takes its toll, Nina's psychological demons come to the fore.

We talk about the subjective vs. the objective, unpack the best depictions of mental health crises in cinema, cringe over the most overbearing of overbearing mothers, and Joe dishes out some well-researched advice to anyone looking to loosen up a bit.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This role's destroying you.

Next week, ITTT'SSS CHRRRRIISSSSTTTTMAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS

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It's episode 172b, and we need guilt, Doctor. And shame. But not yours.

As with the original, Suspiria (2018) tells the story of Susie Bannion, a young woman who joins a German dance school. Are the teachers of the school witches? Yes. Will the movie become increasingly and unrelentingly bizarre? You betcha.

We talk about Tilda Swinton in the roles of a lifetime; the importance of understanding cause and effect; and the importance of timing your accusations of witchcraft.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: This isn't vanity! This is art!

Next week, dance season draws to a close with Darren Aronofsky's 2010 classic Black Swan.

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It's episode 172a, and we must get rid of that bitch of an American girl. Vanish! She must vanish! Make her disappear! Understand? Vanish, she must vanish!

Suspiria (1977) is the story of Suzy Bannion, a new student at the prestigious Tanz Dance Academy, Munich who begins to suspect that something is amiss following the brutal murders of several students, all of whom suspected the teachers were witches. But are they really witches? Yes. They are witches.

We talk about Giallo, Argento, looking before you leap and weigh up the pros and cons of appropriate footwear for sneaking about when you're in a universe that is all about style.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: He's felt very handsome ever since he got those false teeth.

Look out for How to Survive: Suspiria (2018), out later today!

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It's episode 171 and this is for all you new people: I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks!

Starship Troopers (1997) is the story of Johnny Rico and his friends, who graduate from high school and immediately join earth's galactic military in order to wage war on a foreign planet inhabited by gigantic insects.

We talk about securing the right tools for the job; remind ourselves of the basics of gun safety; and reflect on the dangers of a battlefield romance.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better.

Next week, a delightful double with Suspiria (1977) and Suspiria (2018).

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It's episode 170 and my dad thinks I'm on drugs. My mom thinks I'm crazy. And, you know, at this point, I don't know if I don't disagree with her.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) tells the story of Jesse, a young man who moves into the home previously occupied by the victim of A Nightmare on Elm Street. He is haunted by Freddy Krueger in his dreams - and compelled to murder on his behalf. Will he be able to overcome Freddy's manipulation?

We talk about bad parenting, bad policing and (very) bad feng shui.

All of which leads to one important question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: If I start to act weird, or start dreaming weird, or try to walk out of here, you gotta stop me. I don't care if you have to hit me over the head, just don't let me leave. And... don't fall asleep.

Next week, it's listener's choice: Starship Troopers (1997).

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It's episode 169 and the promise of the Divine is but an illusion. Nothing in this world is pure... except for the How to Survive podcast.

Apostle (2018) tells the story of Thomas. Called upon to rescue his sister from a religious cult on a Welsh island, Thomas gets more than he bargained for when the cult's rituals appear to hide a terrifying secret.

We talk about thorough investigative measures; terrible contraception advice; the importance of stealth in an assassination.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I fear our Lord no longer hears my podcast. Yet still, I pray for your download... for my savior. Please bring me home. Your beloved daughter...

Next week, our franchise run continues with Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985).

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