How to Survive

It's episode 150... and I've heard of spirit photography before, but I've never actually seen it in person...

The world's spookiest franchise has finally come to an end, as we dig into Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015).

The movie tells the story of the Fleege family, as they are beset by ghostly-goings-on. Naturally, the haunting is tied directly to everything that has happened in the previous movies, but this time we get to actually see what's causing the Paranormal Activity!

We discuss the highs, and lows (and lowers) of the franchise; we talk about due diligence in property purchasing; and the fine art of teaching your children about stranger danger - particularly when the stranger is an eight-foot-tall oil slick.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Next time I'm just gonna stay at Mom's!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, Netflix's 2018 release Cargo.

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It's episode 149... and if I don't make it back, remember you're the one who made me come here.

This week, we're back on Isla Nublar for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018).

The movie tells the story of Claire and Owen as they rescue the dinosaurs of Jurassic World from a volcano, and then attempt to foil an evil corporate plot to exploit the animals.

We discuss whether a dinosaur would make a useful weapon; whether there are better ways to cover up genetic experimentation; and we think about how we'd cope against the closest thing to a dinosaur living on earth today.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Genetic power has now been unleashed. You can't put it back in the box.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week, we wrap up the world's spookiest franchise with Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension.

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It's episode 148... and I never wanted to be your mother.

This week: 2018's Hereditary.

Laugh's abound in the story of Annie and her family as they grapple with bereavement, trauma, grief, and paranormal goings-on. Are they seeing ghosts, or going nuts? Are they being haunted, or have they just lost their heads?

We talk about the benefits of preparing for medical maladies; the importance of health and safety equipment in the presence of freaky events; and we realise that maybe everything won't be so bad after all.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We reject the Trinity and pray devoutly to you

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week we're on Isla Nublar for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

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It's episode 147... and I feel like I know this place. I recognise this text box. This week is Triangle (2009). The story of a young woman who joins some new friends for a yacht party, only to have their voyage interrupted by a storm. The storm passes, and they board a creepy ship for rescue - but that's when things get really weird.

We give practical advice for first dates; pull out a classic tip from the movie survival handbook; and agree on the many benefits of arranging childcare for your kid.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We cheated Death. No, we made a promise to Death that we didn't keep.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week is Hereditary (2018).

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It's episode 146... and It's a game. It's a process of elimination. The last man standing gets to walk out of here alive. This week it's Circle (2015), a movie about a group of people who wake up to find themselves standing in a circle, forced to vote every two minutes to decide who should die next until only one remains.

Twists abound as we chat about a movie which throws away any goodwill it developed; we talk about who we liked and didn't like best in a group of complete strangers; and we put ourselves on trial and try to find out exactly how to survive.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: We all know that we can't vote for ourselves. [Sorry, that's really like the only quote in the film]

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week we're sailing away on Triangle (2009).

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It's episode 145...and do you think that taxpayers would like it if they knew that they were paying a federal agent to surf and pick up girls? This week it's Point Break (1991), and precocious 17-year-old Johnny Utah is spending the days with his family at their 17th-century villa in Lombardy, Italy. He soon meets Bodhi, a handsome doctoral student. Amid the sun-drenched splendor of their surroundings, Johnny and Bodhi discover the heady beauty of awakening desire over the course of a summer that will alter their lives forever. Wait a minute...

Back in the real world it's bank heists and beach bums galore in Bigelow's bombastic blockbuster - are we keen on Keanu? Do we express hesitance toward the Ex-Presidents? Does Swayze gaze lazily at ladies on hazy beaches daily? All this and more as Chris hangs a big fat ten on Joe's bank robbery quiz.

We drop in on the benefits of branding if you're a bank robber, ponder the health and safety implications of Bodhi's choice of mood lighting, and question the FBI's practice of sending recognisible minor celebrity and college football star Johnny Utah on an undercover mission without changing his name or place of residence.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Next week it's the Twilight Zone-esque Circle (2015) - check it out on Netflix!

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It's episode 144... and above 24,000, you're at the vertical limit, you're already dying. Look at you. You can hardly stand. If you think you can stop me, go ahead.

Vertical Limit (2000) tells the story of Peter and Annie, a brother and sister who find themselves atop K2 some years after they were involved in a climbing accident which killed their father. Now bad luck has befallen them again, and Annie is trapped in an avalanche near the summit, and it's up to Peter to lead a team to save her.

We discuss the worst prepared disaster recovery team in history; how the dangers of smoking increase massively around explosives and at high altitude; and above all, how this movie represents the worst survival odds in the history of disaster recovery.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Nag, nag, nag. They always bloody nag.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

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It's episode 143... and we have your woman outlander! She still lives!

Children of the Corn (1984) tells the story of Burt and Vicky, two Outlanders, on their way to a new life on the other side of America. They pass through a series of cornfields, and soon find themselves in a town where there are no adults, only shrill children. Where are the adults? Who are the children? And who walks behind the rows?

We discuss the key tenets of being an effective lookout; the simplicity of killing or maiming your would-be attackers when they happen to be children; and we talk about an amorphous representation simulacrum of the scariest creature ever committed to cinema.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: Don't ever show up in my emergency room, buddy!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

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It's episode 142... and I thought I'd gone to the limits. I hadn't. The Cenobites gave me an experience beyond limits. Pain and pleasure, indivisible.

Hellraiser (1987) tells the story of Frank, a sexual deviant who decides to push the boundaries of human experience by opening up a portal to another world. Consequently, he loses his human body, and has to get it back in the most convoluted way imaginable, with the assistance of his husband's wife (his own former lover). We discuss an occam's razor approach to body-harvesting; the benefits of your enemy not knowing the difference between pleasure and pain; and we offer sex tips that will drive your man wild...

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: The blood brought me back this far. I need more. You have to heal me.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

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It's episode 140... and who are we if we can't protect them? we have to protect them.

A Quiet Place (2018) tells the story of the Abbott family. Rare survivors of a deadly attack from creatures which hunt based on sound alone. The slightest sound could be enough to get your torn limb from limb, so what better way to discuss it than in a purely audio-based format. We discuss the mealy-mouthed advice given by film-survival amateurs on the internet; the mealy-mouthed advice given by us, the experts; and the risks of going all-in on a choice when there are plenty of other options to explore.

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I love you. I've always loved you.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Get in touch! [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter! @HowtoSurvivePod