How to Survive

It's episode 44! Have you heard the one about the woman who went deaf and got stalked by a murderer? Don't worry, neither has she!

Hush (2016) tells the story of Maddie, a deaf woman who lives alone in the woods. One evening, she is visited by a murderer who plans to use her hearing-impairment against her, and it's up to Maddie to work out how to survive.

We talk about the importance of good food preparation; the benefits of being a sovereign citizen; and the relative difficulties of managing a siege when you can't hear a break-in.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... when you've had a particularly bad bout of bacterial meningitis, no-one can hear you scream!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 43! The only thing worse than going blind is going blind while being stalked by a murderer...

Julia's Eyes (2010) tells the story of Julia, a woman with a degenerative eye disease. After her twin sister is murdered, Julia begins a hunt for the killer, but she's in a race against time as her vision is slowly growing weaker...

We talk about appropriate footwear for recovering from eye surgery; some top tips for pretending your eyes don't work; and a gripping appraisal of bathroom lighting safety.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... When I look into your eyes, I see the universe!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 42! There's a new toy that everybody's keen to possess... (see what I did there?)

Child's Play (1988) tells the story of Charles Lee Ray. A serial killer who, with his final breaths, uses voodoo magic to possess a child's doll. Thereafter, he goes on a murderous rampage, with his 'owner' Andy dragging along behind him.

We talk about the importance of gun safety in a highly built up area; the ecological benefits of double glazing; and just how difficult it must be to overpower a doll...

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... You're an abomination. An outrage against nature. You've perverted everything we've taught you and used it for evil, and you have to be stopped!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 41!

Fortunately, we're not heading back to Crystal Lake! And Jason Vorhees isn't killing teenagers! Unfortunately, someone else is...

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985) tells the story of Tommy Jarvis. Now grown up, Tommy is haunted by the ghostly apparition of Jason Vorhees, and the trauma he suffered as a youngster. Whilst staying at a convalescent home for young people with mental health issues, Tommy is thrown back into chaos as the young people around him are picked off... one by one...

We talk about the age old tradition of singing with your partner whilst taking a poo; the single worst twist in all of movie history; and two characters who will be remembered for all of time as the most reprehensibly two-dimensional tropes ever created.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... We can't wait for Jason to come back...

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 40! Of all the mythical woodland creatures on earth, what could be friendlier than the North American Sasquatch?

Willow Creek (2013) tells the story of a young couple who head into the great American wilderness to make a documentary about a bigfoot sighting. The sighting took place 40 years earlier, but that doesn't stop our heroes from trying to get up close and personal with the elusive 'Bigfoot'.

We talk about the essential practice of taking 'the essentials' on a hiking trip; the best time to propose marriage to someone; and a lively appraisal of bigfoot movies of the past.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... why don't you get yourself a slice of pie at the f*ck off café?

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 39! Whatever you do... stay in the house!

Coherence (2013) tells the story of a group of friends having a dinner party. The evening starts well enough, but soon descends into terror as a comet passing near the earth appears to have an unusual effect on the evening's proceedings.

If you've seen Coherence, you might be thinking 'I wonder if they're going to do something clever to reflect the form of the film'.

But that would've required a level of planning, and writing, and performance that our brave podmasters quite simply have no energy for.

Instead, we talk about the safety concerns of insulting a spurned lover rather than consoling them; the benefits of a landline (partciularly for accident prone mobile phone owners); and the best way to avoid disposing of a body in a blackhole without falling in yourself.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... if there are a million different realities, I have slept with your wife in every one of them

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

A Long Long Time Ago, on a Podcast Far Far Away...

It's episode 38!

Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed.

This week to celebrate May the 4th, we're suspending the usual How to Survive discussion in favour of discussing the latest Star Wars movie. With one notable exception, the characters all survive the movie, so we're just talking straight Star Wars.

We talk about The Skywalker Family past, present and future; The Star Wars franchise, past, present and future; and just how much money can you make from remaking the most famous movie of all time... all of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... The Force is strong with you!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This is re-uploaded because iTunes didn't like the last one...

It's episode 35! Start your engines. mirror, signal and manoeuvre - it's time for a high speed death chase on the Fury Road! Witness!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) tells the story of Max... a man who is mad. Max finds himself assisting in a rescue mission. The ringleader of the operation is Imperator Furiosa who is trying to save five women from sexual slavery at the hands of the evil tyrant Immortan Joe. The only problem is, Joe wants the women back, and is willing to chase them to the ends of the earth.

We talk about whether it's easier to survive being sane or mad when surrounded by madness; the benefits of The Highway Code; and the relative merits of being a benevolent dictator instead of a tyrant.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I am awaited in Valhalla!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 37, and a returning favourite: Lt. Ellen Ripley and her travelling band of Alien killers.

Aliens (1986) sees Ripley wake up to find out that everyone she ever knew has died... but every cloud has a silver lining. Ripley is able to put her grief and PTSD to good use by travelling with a group of Space Marines to fight an entire planet of Xenomorphs for one of the most iconic action movies of all time.

We talk about one of the importance of crisis management when your career involves being in a lot of crises; the cost/benefit trade-off of sending a group of robots to a planet instead of humans; and how Tower Defence games can benefit survival against a marauding pack of Star Beasts.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 36, and a movie which by definition is the most appropriate film we've ever discussed - The Survivalist!

The Survivalist (2016) tells the story of The Survivalist... a man who is a survivalist. The Survivalist has been surviving pretty well on his own out in the woods. He's got crops, shelter and decent defences - all until his world is turned upside down by the arrival of woman and her daughter. They group form an uneasy co-existence, which soon becomes a co-dependence, and his survival skills are pushed to their limits.

We talk about one of the most succinctly named villains in movie history; whether survival in a Darwinian sense is true survival; and we have an intense discussion about the benefits of different body effluvia as fertiliser.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... this is a movie about survival.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.