How to Survive

It's episode 35! Start your engines. mirror, signal and manoeuvre - it's time for a high speed death chase on the Fury Road! Witness!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) tells the story of Max... a man who is mad. Max finds himself assisting in a rescue mission. The ringleader of the operation is Imperator Furiosa who is trying to save five women from sexual slavery at the hands of the evil tyrant Immortan Joe. The only problem is, Joe wants the women back, and is willing to chase them to the ends of the earth.

We talk about whether it's easier to survive being sane or mad when surrounded by madness; the benefits of The Highway Code; and the relative merits of being a benevolent dictator instead of a tyrant.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... I am awaited in Valhalla!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 34. It's the 1630s in New England. As long as you keep your heart to God, the only thing you have to fear is your entire family being killed by the demonic forces of Satan...

The Witch (2016) tells the story of William and his family. Ejected from a settlement of puritans for being too preachy, William's family set up a farm out in the wilderness. But all is not as it seems, and before long, demonic forces begin to test the family, threatening their faith, sanity and lives.

We talk about important steps you should take to avoid being accused of witchcraft; the importance of thoroughly chewing your food; and the difficulties of being so religious socialising becomes impossible.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Corruption, thou art my father!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

If you liked Cloverfield, then you'll love 10 Cloverfield Lane - a movie that has nothing to do with the original Cloverfield except one word in the title!

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) tells the story of Michelle, a woman who wakes up after a car accident to find she is being kept in an underground bunker by a mad man named Howard. It soon becomes evident that there has been an attack outside of the bunker, so Howard becomes both her prison warden and her salvation - but everything is not as it seems.

We talk about the difficulties of tricking a person who is predisposed to be paranoid about everything they encounter; the fine margins between maintaining uncomfortable safety and incurring the murderous wrath of a lunatic; and the most sudden and terrifying beard-shave in all of cinema history.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's the end of the world, and he's upset about a dead pig...

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's 32 episodes, but we've finally found a slasher film which stands up to scrutiny - it's You're Next!

You're Next (2013) is the story of Erin, who is visiting her boyfriend's wealthy parents and the rest of the family at a secluded mansion in rural America - but trouble is afoot. Before long, they are besieged and murdered one at a time by a gang of men wearing animal masks - and it's up to Erin to forge a survival plan.

We talk about the pros and cons of being a weapons dealer; the logistics of fighting whilst wearing a mask which basically blinds you; and the relative benefits of continually expecting a crossbow bolt to fly in through the window.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... it pays to grow up in a survivalist compound.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

We're heading back to Camp Crystal Lake - I hope nothing bad happens... it's Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter!

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter tells the story of a group of teenagers who visit 'Camp Crystal Lake' for a weekend of fun. Whilst there, they are attacked and murdered one-by-one by the marauding Jason Vorhees. - and if that sounds familiar, well done for paying attention.

We talk about how its possible for a film series to go backwards in the development of its characters; what may be the most pointless scene in all of movie history; and as is custom, we have a frank and lively discussion about what we have learned about Jason Vorhees.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... you are the superbowl of self-abuse!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week, a movie with a moral compass that would make Ghengis Khan run for the hills... it's Crank!

Crank (2006) tells the story of Chev Chelios, a hit man who grew a conscience at the wrong time. After failing to carry out a hit, Chev has been injected with a 'Chinese Poison'. The poison has shut down his adrenaline production and now his heart will stop if he fails to produce his own... so now he's on a runaway rampage of revenge and really unpleasant behaviour.

We talk about whether a film with no brain can be criticised for poor representations of everyone in it; the fine line between a healthy dose and an overdose; and the difficulties of finding an adrenaline burst in every day activities.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... It's the stimulation of your blood vessels. Your urinary sphincter's tight as a knot right now. You couldn't p*** to save your life.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

The wheels on the bus go round and round - and if the slow down the bomb on the bus will blow up! It's Speed!

Speed (1994) tells the story of Jack Travers - an LA Cop who messed with the wrong maniac. Now it's up to him to save a bus-load of people from certain doom. As soon as the bus goes above 50mph, the bomb is armed - but if it drops below 50, it's bye bye bus!

We talk about cinema's least consistent bad boy; how a man is able to source major technological equipment on a pension; and the difficulties of fighting to the death when you only have 9 fingers.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... You're not too bright, man, but ya got some big round hairy cajones.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week we're covering a horror movie lover's horror movie - it's Scream 2!

Scream 2 (1997) picks up a few months after the events of Scream. Sydney is now at university, but finds herself plagued anew by a marauder in a ghost face mask. As is custom, her friends are picked off one-by-one, leading to a final showdown with the killer - but who could it be?

We talk about the difficulties of relying on a film's mythology in a murder mystery; the pros and cons of gun ownership when you're being hunted by a masked murderer; and of course, how to use horror movie knowledge to your benefit.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... This is a perfect example of life imitating art imitating life.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Wake up Sleepyheads! It's time for the remake of a Nightmare on Elm Street!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) tells the story of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Only this time, it's gorier, more unpleasant, less innovative, less exciting, it makes less sense, has uncomfortable themes, less appealing characters, worse special effects, a worse story, worse setting, worse characters and a worse ending.

So look forward to an unbiased and straight-laced review.

We talk about a disappointing change in the motives of the villain; a complete lack of appealing or interesting characters; and a frank discussion of the technical capabilities of open-source search engines.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... you're dreaming, but you don't know it. Like, even if you're awake. And then it says that after that, your brain will shut down, inducing a coma. Which is permanent sleep.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week we're getting wet and wild with The Poseidon Adventure!

The Poseidon Adventure (1972) tells the story of a capsized super-liner travelling between New York and Athens (Greece, not Georgia). It falls to Reverend Frank Scott to help a group of misfits survive by climbing to the bottom of the ship (which is now the top...)

We talk about the likelihood of suffering a fatal heart attack shortly after revealing a world-record breaking talent; the upsetting lack of mettle shown by a maritime commander; and the logistics of a gyroscopic ship.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... In the water, I'm a very skinny lady.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.