How to Survive

It's Episode 15 of How to Survive, and we're off to the shops!

This week's focus is on Dawn of the Dead (1978), George A. Romero's classic zombie movie where the action goes down in an American shopping mall. The movie is perhaps more satirical than terrifying - especially by modern standards, but it still holds up as a classic movie, and a massively influential horror.

We talk about the benefits of focusing all of your waking thoughts on one thing at all times; the importance of never expressing any emotion; and the misplaced priorities of a biker gang armed with cream pies.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... we're thieves and we're bad guys... that's exactly what we are!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Episode 14 of How to Survive is out of this world! We're talking about survival tactics for Matt Damon in The Martian (2015).

The Martian tells the story of Mark Watney, a Mars astronaut who is left behind on the planet after an accident. He must spend the next few years surviving against the brutal Martian elements while his pals at NASA think of a way to get him home.

We talk about how believable each character's portrayal is, how to exploit real-world scientific phenomena to survive in the movie's fictional events, and the monumental collective cost of saving Matt Damon in all of his movies.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... Chris and Joe are steely-eyed missile men.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

It's episode 13 of How to Survive, and we're giving survival advice to the most enduring British film character ever: James Bond.

In Spectre, Bond takes on someone from his past - the notorious Franz Oberhauser! In a movie which at times feels like a remake of the entire Bond saga at the same time, and never seems to be 5 minutes away from gut-churning action, the risks are high, and survival is surely difficult, but that's where we come in...

We talk about how a lack of socks can make someone seem entirely like an unhinged psychopath; how Daniel Craig may be the most British man who ever lived; and most importantly: which of us is better at predicting what will happen in a Bond film?

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... we could never forget a face like yours.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

Episode 12 of How to Survive sees us talking about John Carpenter's Halloween (1978). This is our annual Halloween Special!

The movie is absolutely iconic for its key elements - many of which have now become horror movie tropes. Certainly a product of its time, but a fantastic film to discuss - especially when considering how to survive about the original horror movie slasher: Michael Myers.

We talk about all the nonsensical actions of a criminal psychologist; what would constitute an 'appropriate' reaction to seeing a masked ghoul in your neighbour's garden; and the most important question of all: Who is teaching catatonic psychopaths how to drive?

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure... butter ruins clothes!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

In the eleventh episode of How to Survive, Chris and Joe return to the Friday the 13th saga, with Friday the 13th Part II.

The film is a facsimile of the first film in terms of: characters, themes, writing, expectations. However, it is nonetheless a great film to discuss - particularly when considering how to survive.

We talk about all the equal opportunities Jason affords people of all physical abilities; Jason's missed career as an engineer; and the inherent give-and-take of safety in deliberately luring a bear to become your protector.

All of which leads to one big question:

How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one things for sure... Despite what you may have heard, bears ARE dangerous.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week, Chris and Joe are talking about Titanic (1997), and how they would survive if they found themselves aboard the doomed voyage.

Titanic is a part love-story, part disaster movie, part horror, part survival movie, part historical drama and part documentary. An emotional roller coaster which secured its place as the biggest blockbuster in history (...until Avatar came and blue it all up).

We talk about the complete lack of sensible decisions made by Rose; how smelling ice could be beneficial; the relative merits of steering INTO the iceberg; and how to make use of a genetic telepathic link to the ship itself.

All of which leads to the ultimate question:

How would you survive?

As ever, send your suggestions to [email protected], visit howtosurviveshow.com, and promise us you'll never let go!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week, Chris and Joe are talking about Everest (2015). The high-action retelling of the '1996 Mount Everest Disaster'.

In a break from usual form, this episode was deemed inappropriate for analysis of 'how to survive'. The film tells the story of real people who were qualified professionals in climbing. It would be an insult to their expertise - and their memories if we (non-climbing experts) pointed out where they went wrong.

Instead, we discuss the merits of one of the year's most exciting and enthralling action movies; the accuracy of the portrayals of each character, and how this film compares with other disaster-survival movies of its kind.

For once, avoiding the question:

How would you surivive?

As ever, send your talking points to [email protected] - and visit www.howtosurviveshow.com for more.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week, Chris and Joe are talking about The Hills Have Eyes (1977), and how they would survive if they found themselves lost in the desert, hunted by a family of mutant cannibals!

In memorial of master of modern horror, Wes Craven, we're digging into one of his most famous movies - and tearing it to shreds.

The Hills Have Eyes is shocker-horror at its finest (and simultaneously at its worst). Featuring gender politics that would make Michael Bay blush; an exploitative use of a genetic disorder in casting; and a plot which inexplicably treads a fine line between shocking and boring.

We talk about the relative merits of being a man in this movie's universe; the living contradiction of a life-long police officer who appears to have no experience in confrontation; and the inherent dangers of sprinting into blinding darkness in unknown terrain...

All of which leads to the ultimate question:

How would you survive?

As ever, send your suggestions to [email protected], and remember - we recommend that until we can get to you, you stand on your heads... with your thumbs up!

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week, Chris and Joe are talking about A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), and how they would survive if they found their dreams invaded by the demonic child murderer, Freddy Krueger!

In memorial of master of modern horror, Wes Craven, we're digging into the movie which is undoubtedly his most lasting legacy - and tearing it to shreds.

A Nightmare on Elm Street is one of the classics of modern horror. Bringing us one of the most iconic pop cultural figures of the 80's, kickstarting Johnny Depp's career, and taking special-effects-based horror to a new level.

We talk about the dismal acting dished out by Johnny Depp; the complete lack of responsibility and suitability shown by everyone from police and morticians, to parents and 'dream doctors'; and just what parts of the film turned out to be a dream anyway...

All of which leads to the ultimate question:

How would you survive?

As ever, send your suggestions to [email protected], and remember - it's just a dream.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.

This week, Chris and Joe are talking about The Loved Ones (2009), and how they would survive if they were strapped to a chair and tortured with power tools!

Don't be mistaken - The Loved Ones isn't full on torture-porn (though it does stray into that territory). This is a story of shocks, survival, and unsettling surprises. If you haven't seen the film, watch it now. It's a hysterical thriller which doesn't let up.

We talk about Lola, one of the hidden gems of modern horror; myriad escape opportunities completely missed; a policeman more Inspector Clouseau than Jason Bourne; and one of the most difficult situations one might ever need to escape from.

All of which leads to the ultimate question:

How would you survive?

As ever, send your suggestions to [email protected] - and remember - you are pretty enough.

Another classic film solved by the best movie podcast in the world.