I Don't Even Own a Television

This week's book is some sweet brogrammin' intrigue, a spy story geared towards the hip high-tech youth of America, circa 2004. Screenwriter and sports columnist Bill Hanstock joins me as we follow the incognito adventures of mobile technology stalwart Adam Cassidy. Will he infiltrate a company and liberate their secrets? Will he learn to love Ani DiFranco? Will he see some butts? Find out with us.

Music: "Roc-a-fella Billionaires" by Freeway, "Be Thankful for What You've Got" by William De Vaughn, "The Destroyer" by The Kinks

This time, the book in question is Beatrice Sparks' "Treacherous Love: The Diary of an Anonymous Teenager". Following in the tradition of Sparks' most well-known work, "Go Ask Alice", this is a fake diary by a teenager who never existed. In it, we follow the escapades of Jennie as she discovers marijuana, visits Yellowstone Park, and is seduced by a creepy teacher named J.J. who talks like a self-help manual.

Joining me this week is returning guest Mara Wilson, who can be found at http://www.marawilsonwritesstuff.com

Bumper Music:"Don't Stand So Close to Me" -- The Police"Young Girl" -- Gary Puckett & The Union Gap"When I Kissed the Teacher" -- ABBA

A rip-roaring return to form after a month-and-a-half hiatus. This episode, I'm getting down to business and discussing Ben Stein's finanical thriller "On The Brink" with returning guest Jeb Lund and first-timer Rocky Swift. We dissect the politics and amazingly weird writing of America's favorite Boring Teacher From the Movies, and struggle to understand why anybody would write a 'suspense' novel about creeping inflation. Things even get a little educational. But then we talk about dicks.

NOTE: Jeb wanted to apologize for fucking up the OPEC Crisis and Postal Strike chronology during the Nixon Administration. It probably doesn't matter, because Ben Stein has all this stuff happen at once, but you don't need to write in with corrections. He knows he's wrong, and he's sorry.

Bumper Music: "Frankenstein" by Edgar Winters, "itzsoweezee" by De La Soul, "The Million Dollar Man Theme" by Jimmy Hart & JJ Maguire

In this episode, I'm joined by Alexander Hinman to discuss "The Actuator: Fractured Earth". "The Actuator" is a new video ga-- er-- book series about a group of "machine monks" who wield the power to shape reality to their liking using a machine called "The Actuator" except they're all weird nerds that the government kidnapped so all their fantasy worlds are dragons and steampunk shit. The protagonists travel through many leve-- er-- locales, in search of magical keys -- er -- no, wait, they actually DO look for magical keys. The book is a clusterfuck. Please enjoy the show.

Book: "The Actuator: Fractured Earth" by James Wymore and Aiden James

Bumper Songs: "Jump" by Kriss Kross, "Fantasy" by Aldo Nova, "My Girlfriend's a Robot" by the Hanson Brothers

Today I'm joined by playwright and fellow music-obsessive Ben Firke and we discuss "Scar Tissue", the autobiography of Red Hot Chili Peppers' Anthony Keidis. We shed some light on our respective pasts with the group, talk about the book, and crack each other up a lot with impressions. This is a good one.

In this episode, all pretense of structure is abandoned when Centa and I discuss "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche", a guide to American manliness by Bruce Feirstein. And YES, I know it was Bobby Riggs and not Jon MacEnroe, I messed up, yeesh.

Bumper Music: "Now You're a Man" by DVDA, "The Anvil Chorus", "Be a Man" by "Macho Man" Randy Savage (pbuh)

Writer and cartoonist K Thor Jensen joins me this week as we discuss the triumphant tale of the barbarian *ahem* Grignr as he invokes the god *ahem* Mrifk in his fight against the evil forces of *ahem* Agafnd and also some kind of gemstone that turns into a giant slime or blob or something like that. "The Eye of Argon" is notorious within fantasy and sci-fi fandom circles, and with good reason. If you're already familiar with this story, you know what to expect. If you aren't, HOLY CRAP DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND FIND IT. This book/story/novella is friggin bonkers and worth every second it takes to read.

There are some audio issues at points in this recording but I know you will all deal with it because you are troopers.

Bumper music: "He-Man" theme song, "Desert Rain" by Iced Earth

"Vampirism, Necromancy, Supernatural Mayhem... and Screaming Bloody Terror." Um... yep. That's what's in this book all right. Join Chris Collision and myself as we rip the guts out of this novel and dance around with them in an autopsy room.

Note: This is the first episode with a new microphone so there are some small audio issues but you will deal with them because you literally have no choice.

Music: "Graveyard Chamber" by Gravediggaz, "Night of the Vampire" by Roky Erickson

"Voodoo Child" is a graphic novel created by Nicolas Cage and his son Weston. It's about a biracial superhero crusading against cajun demons and a government conspiracy in post-Katrina New Orleans. It's also completely ridiculous and almost impossible to follow. Please join us as we discuss snake-hair, sexy accordionists, and richard branson's sex life.

PS -- Segment One has some small audio issues but they resolve themselves quickly so hang in there, lil shavers!

Bumper music: "Voodoo Lady" by Ween, "Voodoo" by King Diamond

Wow, this is a creepy book by a creepy man. There's not much else to say about it. Please enjoy as Poncho Martinez and I deconstruct "Nabokov for man-children."