I Don't Even Own a Television

RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE THAT INCLUDES ONE BULLDOG

unofficially brought to you by a crappy malt beverage with a surprisingly high ABV

highlights include: buying your son a rolex (on his terms), a surprisingly lucid take on bad pizza and mafia affiliations, and also a huge amount of "Al B. Sure" j0kes that flew over the head of everybody in attendance. this episode unofficially brought to you by the godawful beverage known as the bud light mango-rita

LIVE AUDIENCE: Centa, Shane, and Heston the Bulldog.

Bumper music: "Losing Out (f/ Royce Da 5'9") by Black Milk, "Tell Me Somethin Goof by Chaka Khan and Rufus, and "Can't Tell Me Nothin'" by Kanye Wesr

Welp. You've either heard of it or you haven't. Either way, this is the supposed "true story" of a five-year old girl who was abducted by a Satanic cult and only managed to remember after years and years of therapy with a moderately creepy psychiatrist who she co-authored this book with and then married immedately after publication.

I can't emphasize enough that this book is filled with "disturbing shit" but in the samd way that a Tool video is. It's not 'scary', it's just gross. Fair warning: this podcast is pretty gross too.

If your parents never let you watch witchcraft movies or play dungeons & dragons, this book is definitely part of the reason why.

Bumper music: "Underlord" by Into Another, "Devil Woman" by Cliff Richard, and "The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton" by Mountain Goats

Remember that Barsoom is just one letter away from Barroom. I dunno why but you should remember that.

In this episode, fabulous photographer and free-thinker and wife-of-host (who is also her own person) Centa Schumacher (@spacevalkyrie) sits down to discuss "A Princess of Mars" by Edgar Rice Burroughs. This book is actually far more well-regarded than I thought, which makes this a bit controversial, I suppose. But I LIVE for that shit yall. *sunglasses down*

This is quite possibly the first episode where we have a serious difference of opinion about the quality of the book but luckily we are married and don't kill each other.

Highlights include: Rupaul chat, a long segment about our weird deformed dog, and me ranting and raving about racism a ton. 

Tanning Lotion? Smushing? Weird sections about underage drinking that feel bizzarely personal?Join me and Rachel Millman as we delve way too far into the void that is the mind of Jenna "JWOWW" Farley and her affected Italian brand.

WARNING: SERIOUS PERSONAL BRANDING INSIDE

Bumper Music: "That's Amore" by Dean Martin, "Birds" by ALL, "Like Whoa" by Black Rob

In Motley Crue: The Dirt - Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band, a bunch of idiots talk about being dumb except pretend that it's really important. Luckily, Jackson O'Brien is here to join me as we dissect the intricacies of the Motley House, degenerative spinal disease, and (of course) Tommy Lee's penis.

This episode is long. That's because talking about Motley Crue is easy and fun. The hardest thing to do, of course, was to find bumper music that wasn't actually by Motley Crue.

Please enjoy stories of epic debauchery, in-fighting, and sexxx with three x's. Also enjoy the plosive 'p' and 'b' sounds coming from my microphone cuz I need a windscreen now too.

Bumper music: Some kid playing "Kickstart my Heart" from YouTube, Some other kid playing "Dr. Feelgood" from YouTube except singing really weird too, and "Above the Clouds" by Gangstarr

In episode number two, I probably already bite off more than I can chew as I invite Dave Stattler, aka Twitter's @glopdemon on-board to rant and rave about Ayn Rand's "Anthem".

As predictably as possible, a conversation about Ayn Rand turns into ranting and raving, but with many side trips to the lands of laser light shows and Rush concerts.

Bumper music: "Anthem" -- Rush, "Ruff Ryders Anthem" -- DMX, "Blow Ya Mind" -- Nicki Minaj

In our inaugural episode, Jay is joined by Gawker columnist Jeb Lund for a discussion of the Harlequin Suspense novel "Pregnesia", which centers around pregnancy, amnesia, and an ex-Navy SEAL who looks and speaks like WCW superstar "Raven".

Highlights include: Maternity jeans, The Bluesman Name Generator, and the World's Most Aggressive Coffee-Shop Reading Techniques.

Bumper music: "Pregnant" -- R. Kelly, "Having My Baby" -- Alan Alda, "She Got Me Pregnant" -- Sparks