If you stopped for a moment and asked yourself about the unrest you feel about a mistake. What would you hear in your head? Could it be something like: "I cannot and will not take the responsibility for having made a mistake, misjudged someone, upset someone or anything else which could make me in trouble with myself." Add to that in trouble with anyone ever. The thought of responsibility feels like a loss of control, as though you are nothing. Now, this is a "feeling" not necessarily reality.

But when I look back at the feeling, it could feel like a black hole I was falling into. Something else I would obsess about in terms of "mistakes" is in a situation when I used to think someone else "thinks I did something wrong," because I always tried to do the right thing. It is something that haunted me from childhood forward. I would ruminate for hours about how I should have done it differently so as to avoid trouble. But to say I did something out loud, as though I am responsible? No way.

If you find yourself doing the same thing, there is another way to live. Yes taking responsibility for what you do and say is part of it, but dealing with the shame that comes up when you have made a mistake. Or you fear being judged about it. Those fears unchecked make you act in unnatural ways, walk on eggshells and just feel bad. Want to learn how to undo the grip of shame on your life? Check out my podcast.