Self-awareness is great—essential even—but what do you do with it? Maybe you notice your patterns and recognize when you go into victim mode, but you can’t stop. It’s like watching a movie you’ve seen 100 times. You know how things will end, even though you’re desperate to change it. And that can lead you down the rabbit hole of feeling bad about yourself; believing nothing will ever change. But what have you really done? Read some books? Listened to this podcast? Awareness doesn’t mean much without action.

If you are having an affair with someone who has a lot of obstacles around spending time with you, you are probably in a constant tug-of-war of being pissed off, yet unable let go. You are aware you aren’t treating yourself with respect, but you stay and accept breadcrumbs, leaving you to feel horrible about yourself. Feeling powerless, you complain, wondering when your life will turn around.

If you actually want to move away from victimhood and make changes in your life, you have to break free of the cycle by DOING. That means taking emotionally risky action, which, yes, is scary. But scary is what moves the needle. Otherwise, you will continue moving through life as a victim, watching yourself do it, and berating yourself for it. There is strength and courage in asking for help, so if you find yourself unable to take a step, reach out to someone.