My story is that of a lot of love and a lot of loss. My husband felt resentful towards the people who were trying to steal his already-borrowed time, but as I helped him and supported him through his journey, Paul and I became closer than we ever had before. At the end of your life, what matters are the relationships you have, nothing else. For me, it’s about connecting with the right people and finding the right path forward. It hasn’t been easy. Some days are harder than others and some days are easier than others. 

 

Key Takeaways:

• The story of how I fell in love with Paul. Not only did he become an amazing stepfather to my three children, but we also grew our family by having a baby girl together. 
• Paul started to get sick and the doctors didn’t know why. He kept getting winded just by doing minimal physical activity. 
• Paul finds out he has cancer, it’s stage four, and the origin of the cancer is unknown. 
• Treatment was tough and Paul was not reacting well to it. He had every side effect you could imagine. 
• I saw in Paul’s eyes that he wanted to let go and stop treatment. He looked to me for permission and I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life. 
• Throughout this whole journey, it was always Paul and I first and it made us grow closer together. 
• People had their opinions on how Paul should manage his illness and these comments made him very resentful. 
• On December 19th, Paul died peacefully in my arms. 
• The first year of my grief journey was shock and numb. 
• I regret that I went back to work so soon. I needed time to grieve. 
• As my friends and family slowly went away, I felt alone and I had to manage life as a single parent. Year two was filled with heavy grief. 
• My daughter was grieving so hard and I was powerless as a parent. 
• I hate it when people tell me, “You’re so strong.” What does this even mean? 
• Year three has been a phase of rebuilding for me. I think about Paul every day and I strive to honor his wishes. 
• I am grateful for the people in my life.

 

Get Connected:

Tendrilsofgrief.com

 

Quotes:

 

“The one thing I was proud of is Paul and I did this together.”

 

“People told him to fight when he felt so defeated and weak and this made him feel weaker.” 

 

“I was in a fog most of the time. Overwhelmed by sadness, loneliness, and pain.”