If You Would’ve Told Me

A Thousand Lives Later, We’re Back! | Season 3, Episode 1

Season 3 of If You Would’ve Told Me is here, and Joe and Emily have a lot to catch up on!

Emily talks about life after divorce, getting back into dating, navigating dating apps, and why finding a normal, boring guy might not be such a bad thing. They debate soulmates, red flags, relationship expectations, and whether people deserve to be judged for mistakes they made 20 years ago.

Joe shares stories from his recent stand-up gigs, including a private show in Newark with an unforgettable veal dinner. Emily reveals how she lost a comedy booking after a headliner reportedly refused to work with a female opener, while Joe recalls losing an opening spot over a joke.

Plus, they get into Shane Gillis, controversial comedy, selective outrage, and whether audiences are becoming too sensitive.

A little dating, a little controversy, plenty of questionable decisions, and a lot of laughs.

Season 2 Finale!

Joe and Emily wrap up another season by looking back on the podcast, talking summer vacations, Wildwood, Maine, lobster rolls, and what Season 3 might have in store.

Then things get weird...

✈️ A flight instructor jumps out of a plane mid-flight and leaves his student to land it alone.

🛩️ A passenger is nearly sucked out of an airplane window after an engine failure.

🏠 And one of the wildest true crime stories we've ever covered: the man who secretly lived in his lover's attic...for TEN YEARS.

Thanks for making Season 2 our biggest yet. We'll be back this fall with even more unbelievable stories.

This week, we're catching up after a busy couple of weeks before diving into one of the strangest stories we've ever discussed—a woman who married a chandelier.

From bizarre relationships and wedding "rules" to cheating confessions, age-gap debates, books, birthdays, and everything in between, this episode goes in directions we definitely didn't expect.

Grab a drink, settle in, and join the conversation.

This week we're talking fitness, birthday cake, creepy exes, and some of the wildest dating stories we've ever heard.

Emily starts a new boot camp, Joe discovers the perfect birthday cake recommendation, and then things take a turn when a woman allegedly sends her ex over 1,800 lemons... leading to Canada's first psychological warfare case.

We also share our own experiences with exes who couldn't let go, strange first dates, surprise gifts after breakups, apartment shrines, stalking stories, and a first date that somehow ended with an armed bank robbery.

Dating is weird... but apparently it can always get weirder.

🎙 New episodes every week!

Joe is back from Atlantis with stories about dolphins, lazy rivers, snorkeling adventures, and resort prices that should probably require a second mortgage. Emily plans a series of "Mommy-Ava" getaways while both hosts discuss burgers, summer weight gain, terrible stage photos, and the struggle of watching yourself online.

Then they dive into the viral podcast clip that sparked millions of views, thousands of comments, and more internet outrage than either expected. Finally, the episode ends with one of the strangest news stories ever featured on the show: a man who pulled a police car with his penis while on fire... all in the name of awareness.

Joe and Emily spiral through high school memories, TikTok trends, book obsessions, and whether a great ending can save a mediocre novel. They debate face tattoos in the workplace, mourn the death of Blockbuster nights, talk baldness and hair experiments, react to a man refusing to work because he “never asked to be born,” and somehow end up designing Joe’s dream Key West chicken tattoo while discussing RFK Jr. collecting raccoon anatomy on a family road trip. Just another normal episode.

In this episode, Joe and Emily react to being called “ableist” over their audiobook take—and try to figure out how the internet heard something they definitely didn’t say.

From there, things spiral (as usual) into a heated debate about Central Jersey, pork roll etiquette, and why you should never try your first one at Wawa.

Joe shares a wild stand-up story involving a heckler named “Bubbles” that escalates from crowd work… to threats… to tears. It’s one of those comedy nights that comics never forget—and raises real questions about safety on stage.

Plus, they break down the Gen Z dating trend “shrecking,” attraction vs personality, and why banter might be the most important trait in a relationship.

It’s chaotic, honest, and somehow still makes sense.

We dive into some of the most unhinged news stories we’ve ever covered. From a woman getting revenge on her ex by signing him up for 88 marathons, to the discovery of cocaine in sharks, to a Florida woman declaring herself the “Squirrel Queen”… yeah, this one goes off the rails fast.

Along the way, we somehow get into the difference between men and women, why women might need more sleep, “girl words,” breakups, revenge, and why the best response might just be… doing nothing at all.

It’s chaotic, it’s hilarious, and it might be our wildest episode yet.

This week, we accidentally turned into a book club… and then immediately spiraled into chaos.

Joe and Emily catch up after a short break, talk birthdays, and realize they both set the same goal to read 12 books this year—leading to a surprisingly deep (and hilarious) conversation about books, audiobooks, and getting tricked into reading something VERY unexpected.

Then things take a turn.

We break down three wild stories of “crazy women,” including:

• A woman who trapped her ex in an escape room designed for “emotional accountability”
• A girl who plastered her ex all over town as “emotionally unavailable”
• And a true crime story that will make you question everything

Plus:

• Why “closure” might be a myth
• What emotional unavailability actually means
• And why people choose chaos instead of just… breaking up

This one goes from thoughtful to completely unhinged real fast.

This episode starts with a ridiculous “scream with no air” challenge and somehow turns into a deep dive on anxiety, panic attacks, creativity, spirituality, and whether we actually create our thoughts — or just receive them.

Joe and Emily talk about:
• Being anxious about getting anxious
• Déjà vu and intuition
• Panic attacks on stage
• Addiction, self-awareness, and emotional growth
• Bombing vs crushing in comedy
• The quietest room in the world
• And whether feelings are facts

It’s chaotic. It’s thoughtful.