Intro To X

In this super-rad episode Moira visits and we discuss the return of everone's favorite child predator Doug Hutchinson as Eugene Victor Tooms. We learn the shocking truth about the Frank Briggs and discuss the feasibility of toilet toupees and liver based time travel.

Stay out of nature, people. How many times do I have to warn you? Bob joins us to talk about Monkey-Wrenchers, questionable plotting, and terrifying swarms of super creepy insects. Also, how bonkers was the ending of this episode? I mean seriously. What was that wackiness?

Matt climbs back into the ring to talk about Shapes, AKA Sheriff Hawk vs Werewolf. The writers kind of try to not be racist. Sculley tries not be incompetent. Sneaking Fox tries to, hang around until the mystery is solved? Honestly everybody is losing this one except us because we've got Hawk being a badass and a caged mountain lion to look at.

This is the episode where Robin gets his revenge on all of us. Poor Heidi unwittingly joins us for the worst episode of X-Files. Rage and general mockery reign supreme. I denounce and reject Chris Carter for his crimes against humanity. Most importantly we announce a super awesome contest that you will want to win.

Back by sheer willpower (and sheer willpower alone) Robin takes back the reigns of the podcast. Matt visits to talk about the twisty turn-y, and often douchey machinations of Deep Throat. We meet the Lone Gunmen society for long-term post-adolescent virginity. Mulder gets the wool pulled over his eyes (which explains why he tripped over that two foot sign). And a grip of wacky conspiracies abound from all sides. Join us as we desperately try to swat them all down.

Breaking News: Robin has been fired for his crimes against humanity. Luckily Matt is here to take his place and keep this ship running. Mel, joins us to discuss giant plot holes, super questionable haikus, handwriting facts, and salamander juice.

Alirio pops in before the big game to talk about an even bigger snooze-fest called Lazarus. When Robin's inner-child dies it destroyed a large portion of the recording as well as all our watches (j/k  no one has worn a watch in 15 years.) We learn that Scully dated the mutant-snowman killing sheriff from Jack Frost and Diabetes works very differently in X-Files world. We also say some amazingly awesome and hilarious things that you will never hear.

Des joins us as we bang our head against a wall trying to figure out the machinations and motivations of Unhygienic Mud Golem Pheromone Extruding Shape Shifting Amish Space Aliens. Space mayonnaise and purple nipple powder abound and Skully is almost date-raped. A lot. Yikes.

Ina stops by to discuss “Beyond the Sea” or as Netflix might call it “Definitely Not Beyond the Sea” Major Briggs uses his white lodge powers to turn Scully into a whiny child that cannot reason her way out of a paper bag, luckily Gillian Anderson and Brad Douriff can act circles around David Duchovny which kind of salvages things. Kind of.

Chris joins us to help monitor the constantly shifting wacky accents of the supposedly ubiquitous Mark Sheppard. Things get hot as Mulder inexplicably finds himself wanted by two women and somehow sleeps with neither, probably because he's scared of looters and completely insane.