By Leslie Cohen-Rubury
Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast. You get to be a fly on the wall in Leslie Cohen-Rubury’s office and listen in as she sits with parents who share their stories
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The podcast currently has 68 episodes available.
Do you need feedback? Of course you do. We all do! But giving and receiving feedback whether it's from or to your child or co-parent can be challenging. Feedback can often feel like criticism and can even feel invalidating. This episode is all about giving and receiving feedback skillfully so that you or the other person doesn’t become defensive or shut down. Today’s episode welcomes back Leslie’s daughter Dale Rubury who shares how she moved from the defensive stance as a child to the open and willing stance as an adult.
Time Stamps:
Resources:
Leslie-ism: Growing as a parent is about being open to new ideas, open to learning, and open to feedback.
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special
Exposure to books makes a big difference for children. Reading not only fosters cognitive and emotional development but also builds closeness and routines. This week, Leslie spoke to author Deborah Farmer Kris about her experience as a teacher and parent, highlighting the unique needs of each child and the intellectual and emotional challenges of parenting. Kris also promotes the use of public libraries and simple, consistent reading routines. Kris's books, including those in the "All the Time" series, aim to teach emotional literacy and provide caregiver tips. She stresses that being a stable, caring adult is crucial for a child's resilience and well-being.
About our guest: Deborah Farmer Kris is a parent educator, journalist, and children’s book author. Deborah has written for CNN, PBS KIDS, NPR, The Washington Post, the Boston Globe Magazine, and Oprah Daily. She is an advisor for the PBS KIDS show “Carl the Collector,” and is wrapping up edits on a parenting book, called “Raising Awe Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Can Help Our Kids Thrive.” She also founded the parenting website Parenthood365
Time Stamps
9:50 Cascading benefits of reading aloud- many cognitive benefits
12:15 Building memories, building routines
13:50 Creating a literacy rich environment
15:13 Libraries are under utilized which are free and public
19:20 Creative ways to bring books into the lives of children
22:40 Comprehension is higher than one’s ability to read
25:50 Books can teach emotional literacy
30:43 “I notice….” is a phrase you can use to open the door to communication
33: 20 Books have a therapeutic effect on children and adults alike
36:07 Harvard ‘s research study on resilience in children found that it boils down to one factor: the presence of one stable, caring adult in their life.
Resources:
Leslie-ism: Try to find 10 minutes a day to read to your child
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-R
An unspoken agreement with parents raising children is that they will be on the same page and they will be a united front. But that is often easier said than done. In part 3 of our 3 part series with Mary, her husband Antoine joins us to discuss what happens when they disagree, how it affects their 6 year old Oliver, and what they’re doing to make sure they come back together in healthy ways.
Time Stamps
Resources:
Leslie-ism: Mutual respect is key for repairing relationship ruptures
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Sometimes there’s nothing more frustrating than dealing with a frustrated child. In part 2 of our 3 part series with Mary, mother of six-year-old Oliver and a newborn baby James, Leslie explores just how exhausting being stuck in the frustration loop with your child can be—and how to break out of it. They also get into bedtime, setting limits, and parenting guilt.
Time Stamps
Leslie-ism: Learn as you go, learn from the past, and learn from mistakes.
Resources:
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Dealing with change can sometimes feel like ripping off a bandaid. Change is stressful, whether you are five or 55; and people respond to those changes in all different ways. And it is especially challenging when you are someone who likes structure, order, and predictability. In today’s episode Leslie explores this topic with Mary. We met Mary last season when she was seeking support around grief and sleep for her then four-year-old-son, Oliver. Things have changed in Oliver's world, and that's why Mary’s back. The past year has been full of transitions and adjustments for Oliver and his family. Starting a new school year and having a new baby in the home are some of those changes that most parents can relate to.
Time Stamps
4:37 Change is the only constant and children respond to those changes in many different ways. School, new siblings, caregivers all create change in family life.
8:13 Assess your child’s behavior as they respond to changes
12:04 Adjustments can feel scary, frustrating or full of unknowns
12:53 Reestablishing his sense of safety, connection and groundedness
16:60 Parents want things to go right, and be right. Adjustments are often “messy moments”
17:15 Buddhist phrase: no mud, no lotus
19:18 The child needs validation AND the parent needs validation, and that’s so hard
20:30 Anxiety often underlies the No’s, the opposition, the resistance, and the rigidity
21:27 Don’t ask WHY questions. Make a few statements to choose from
22:10 For nail biting, avoid saying “don’t do that” and instead suggest what else the child can do with their hands.
26:57 Part of a parent’s job is to guide their child through the unknown
31:57 When your child says “no,” unpack that no with them. YES AND approach for the child who doesn’t want to hear a NO
32:40 Teach your child that feelings come and go. Create anchors for the anxious child
37:15 Help your child Balance out the knowns and the unknowns, the predictable and the unpredictable.
Leslie-ism: You can be an anchor for your child in the sea of change.
Resources
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on
Having a roadmap to deal with your child’s Intense emotions and behaviors sounds like a great idea. Oftentimes when parents reach out for professional help, they want changes and they want them NOW. But instant results are not always the reality of raising children. On today’s episode Leslie has a conversation with bestselling author and educator Dayna Abraham about raising neurodivergent children and offering listeners a roadmap that can help. We also focus on making sure our kids don’t grow up feeling “badly” about themselves even if they do feel different by creating changes in their home environment
About our guest Dayna Abraham:
Dayna Abraham, bestselling author of Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Roadmap for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids. As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world.
Time Stamps
Leslie-ism: The first step to help yourself and your child is to ride out the storm.
Show Note LInks:
Is there an epidemic of overparenting? And if so, where does it come from? Is it parenting from a place of fear, from a place of information overload, from the anxiety that is all around us, the drive to make our children perfect or is it from the frustration of trying to raise a child who doesn’t do what you want them to do? In this third and final session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores these questions. Pedro and Claudia want to be the best parents they can be to their 16 year old son LIam, but are overparenting and doing too much undermining their efforts? Leslie turns her attention to the “overparenting problem” that’s shaping the next generation, and leaving them with lasting consequences. Together Leslie, Pedro, and Claudia discuss how to pivot from being “nagging” parents, to “chill” ones, and how to do that while still instilling your child with your core values and healthy limits.
Time Stamps
3:10 The impact of “less is more” motto on the parent-child relationship (yes we are well aware of the reversal in the podcast where by Pedro and Leslie said “more is less”
5:15 Parenting is forgiving
8:43 Three ways to change your behavior as a parent
14:25/16:39 The benefits of being a bit more “CHILL”
14:52 Finding the balance - the middle path of parenting (see the video in the show notes)
17:25 Overparenting as result of parenting from a place of fear
19:40 The myth of the parenting “deadline”
21:25 The metaphor of a plant growing and the space it needs (see video below)
24:04 Understanding who your child is to is in order to build a foundation for them
29:43 Parents have the privilege of seeing every side of their child
30:29 We want to send the message that a child is a whole person, and that includes the good the bad and the ugly
35:16 What are you missing? What is your child’s perspective? Parents often skip this step
36:50 How would you validate your child (clue to finding their perspective)
39:07 Reframing from “my child is taking the easy way out” and “manipulating” to “he’s doing what works”
44:14 Have faith that your child will be able to solve their own problems as they grow as adults
44:39 We don’t want our children to be afraid of growing up - what can parents do about this?
Show Note Links:
Leslie-ism: Beware of Overparenting. Remember Less is More!
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits:
Anxiety attacks are not something we ever want to see our kids suffer through, especially if as parents we suffer them as well. In her second session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores panic attacks and how they might differ from parent and child. The session also takes a turn towards the idea of “having the last word,” and what negative things are being reinforced when you continue to have this power struggle with your child.
Time Stamps
Show Note Links:
NIH Research Article on Panic Disorder and Best Practices
TIPP Skills including a Video of Divers reflex skill
Leslie Demonstrates How to use the Diver Reflex Skill on Video
New York Times Article about Inside Out 2
Leslie-ism: When you feel panic coming on, tell yourself, “I am safe and I am capable”.
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and
Sometimes parenting is so hard and exhausting, it doesn't feel worth it. In today’s session, Pedro and Claudia explain how much energy and effort they have spent trying to raise their 16 yr old teenage son Liam who has been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. While supportive, Pedro and Claudia are met with resistance at every turn, and have yet to see results from their parenting. Is that an assumption or is that really true? In this episode, Leslie checks the facts, unpacks the fear and frustration, and addresses these issues with an upbeat and hopeful shift in perspective as well as practical strategies to try.
Time Stamps
4:35 What is your definition of being a good parent - getting the results from your child
5:09 Growing up with the culture of the “village” when raising a child and the support that comes with that
7:15 Feeling isolated when friends have neurotypical kids and you have a neurodivergent kid
8:45 Myths or limiting beliefs: We don’t want to burden other people with our problems
14:05 It’s more challenging dealing with a teen with diagnoses than with a toddler with diagnoses
16:00 Remember to see your child’s strengths in order to get a whole picture
16:55 Wanting your child to achieve their potential can be a great deal of pressure for both parents and teens
21:00 Raising your child with Values creates a solid foundation
21:30 The frustration and fear of raising the teenager when you are getting the results you expect
28:58 Fear impacts your parenting mindset and perspective. Where would you be without the expectations? Fear feeds frustration which feeds feeling like a failure
29:50 What behaviors are due to his diagnoses vs what’s developmental and age appropriate (see show notes for a handout)
31:00 Toddlers and teenagers have a lot in common. Learning to individuate and differentiate from their parents. This is when they practice saying NO to use their voice
32:25 The value of empathy that is expressed even after the situation
33:08 Give your child the problem and let them solve it rather than telling your child what to do. Teach your child to find a synthesis when problem solving
38:30 The quality of being strong-willed and the behavior of getting the last word - relates to the child who has a single track mind
40:00 Save your Breath and listen twice as much as you talk
41:50 Turn the volume down on your passion for raising your son
42:55 Your parenting effort IS working. Have faith in the process. It takes patience
44:45 Finding your “Passion” or living to your “potential” are dirty words because they put pressure on you and your child
Resources:
Leslie-ism: Save your breath when parenting, listen twice as much as you talk
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié,
“How can my child be a rule follower if they always say no to the family rules?” Leslie often catches parents off guard by suggesting that their child may actually be a rule follower. In this episode, Leslie has a conversation with her daughter Dale about what it’s like to grow up as a rule follower. In this episode Leslie and Dale explore the many traits that are often associated with the rule-following child such as perfectionism and intense focus on fairness. Assessing whether you or your child is a rule-follower may not be so obvious but may be critically important to understanding their behavior and ways of thinking. This conversation pulls back the curtain on what really goes on in the mind of the rule-following child.
Time Stamps
Show Note Links:
Leslie-ism: Flexible thinking takes practice.
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
The podcast currently has 68 episodes available.
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