“I help everyone and no one helps me!” Have you ever said some variation of this, or do you know someone who has? This “woe is me” kind of statement is part of being a martyr/victim; martyr being the flipside of victim. This pattern of thinking and behavior is not only exhausting and stressful, it’s also incredibly disempowering, devoid of any personal responsibility.

It’s related to the drama triangle that I’ve talked about in the past: victim, persecutor, rescuer. When you’re on the drama triangle or suffer from martyr/victim syndrome, you give all your power away. You are manipulating (whether you’re aware of it or not—usually not) in order to get something from someone. Maybe it’s validation or acceptance or love. Whatever it is, when you play the martyr/victim role, you’re after a particular outcome, which means your focus is entirely outside of yourself.

Martyr/victims deny they have a choice in their situation and insist the problem is the other person. Let me tell you, you ALWAYS have a choice. It is only through awareness and taking responsibility that you can start to change things. And believe me, it is a much freer and more empowering position to be in.