It Can’t Be That Bad

Get your tissues ready Baddies, Robin Williams is playing for keeps in this one. Jack (1996) was Robin Williams chance to do Benjamin Button years before Brad Pitt. Starting Robin Williams, (Fake Doctor) Bill Cosby, Jenny from the Block, and Diane Lane have a whack at Francis Ford Coppalla’s weirdest film ever produced by Disney. Alejandro still doesn’t listen to Christian despite having headphones on that are directly plugged into Christian’s mic. Christian doesn’t like soul patches. Alejandro seems to really think he has a huge influence on Christian’s life. There’s tears, and fears Baddies tread lightly this is not you usual Disney film.

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Crack open a Silver Bullet, put on some Bob Seger, put on those jean shorts you made last summer, and comb that mullet! It’s time you all heard our thoughts on the Shakespearean Sonnet that is Joe Dirt (2001), starring David Spade, Christopher Walken, Jaime Pressly, and Kid Rock. Alejandro knows nothing about cars and has a new favorite instagram page. Christian is “forgotten” a few times as a child much like Joe Dirt. Christian confronts Alejandro about his lack of support in his weight loss to which Alejandro responds with an anecdote about small penises versus large penises in art.

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Nope, not a Ken Burns Documentary about the state of Arkansas, but the movie that was released in the dead of the night. This is a brand new super intense film that Alejandro and Christian fell hard in love with. Arkansas is an epic crime thriller from the mind of Clark Duke... yeah the guy from Sex Drive (check out our Episode 26: Sex Drive & We Love Taxis). Mr. Duke is flanked by Liam Hemsworth, John Malkovch, Vince Vaughn, Vivica A. Fox, and Eden Brolin. Not a lot of distractions in this one, Baddies, straight movie review on something that you should see immediately. Otis naps in the background as the Boys plan to re-edit Titanic to feature Christian’s Mom. Alejandro thinks hair plugs come from butt holes and Christian praises baby faced killers. Arizona is available on demand, so check it out!

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Hey there, Baddies, hows your mother? Hope she’s good and enjoyed her Mother’s Day! Or if you hate your mother, we hate her too. We round out the Garry Marshall Three with this holiday film starring Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts, Jason Sudeikis, and Timothy Olyphant. The Boys take some time out of their busy schedules to sit back and talk all about their mothers. But that’s not all they discuss; left handed-ness and right handed-ness, rare instances of being in a “straight” minority, and using a big birthday surprise to skimp on a Mother’s Day present. Alejandro wants to be Christian’s “Life Partner”, and makes a passionate case. Stupidity is shocking. Also they barely talk about this movie because it’s Garry’s worst of the three, I mean you know... sometimes the boys get distracted but it’s cool.

Saddle up to the bar, grab a Miller High Life, light a Marlboro up and comb that mullet because it’s time for the 80’s mega classic Roadhouse. both the Nee York Police Department and Peter Griffin’s favorite movie may now also be Alejandro’s. Starring the man, the myth, the legend, The Patrick Swayze, and also the other man, myth, legend, Sam Elliot, and a third man, myth, legend, Jeff Healey. And don’t get your panties in a bunch... there’s some mythical, legendary women in this too. Alejandro doesn’t want to share comedic bits with Christian. The Boys make up their own synopses. Christian and Alejandro make no effort to hide their infatuation with Patrick Swayze’s looks and karate. And shout out to our friends over at The Reel Buzzed Crew podcast available anywhere this is... I think... Alejandro claims this movie is actually about P-Swaz hiding in plain sight as a serial killer who happens to also be gay, honestly it’s not Alejandro’s craziest claim. Christian wants to learn how to roundhouse kick but won’t let Alejandro teach him.

Alejandro “Gigante” Middleton and Christian “Pequeño Pequeño” Baltazar dissect the multilevel labyrinth of a mind f*ck that is Love, Wedding, Repeat (2020). Christian “Pequeño Pequeño” Baltazar and Alejandro “Gigante” Middleton dissect the multilevel labyrinth of a mind f*ck that is Love, Wedding, Repeat. Alejandro “Pequeño Pequeño” Middleton and Christian “Gigante” Baltazar dissect the multilevel labyrinth of a mind f*ck that is Love, Wedding, Repeat... wait a minute am I stuck on endless time loop like Netflix’s newest rom-com!? A coke head, an out of work actor, a philandering bride, and a war journalist walk into a wedding reception  and no this isn’t a joke it’s a movie starring Olivia Munn, Sam Caflin, Joel Fry, and Aisling Bea are in. Christian doesn’t know when he’s being too nice but uses it to hide behind so Alejandro can’t get made when Christian is late. Alejandro defends polygamist and Christian thinks he’s being manipulative. Lastly Alejandro claims he can talk his way out of anything.

Welcome to the Space Jam Baddies! Michael Jordan isn’t just hot in pop culture this week but let us not forget that he and Bugs Bunny once lead a charge against the most annoying aliens to ever grace the silver screen. Space Jam is a childhood favorite that Alejandro thinks is full of a conspiracy theory that shackled Michael Jordan to make this film. Christian swears that Alejandro would still enjoy Animaniacs cartoon. Alejandro and Christian explain the differences between the competitiveness in sports and entertainment. 

Listen up Baddies we got some questions for you...Who would win in a Basketball game between Alejandro and Christian? Jesus or Jordan? Is Daffy Duck a Laker fan? Did the Looney Toons have superpowers? Lola Bunny or Lt. Judy Hopps? Let us know who you think wins at our website icbtb.com or on our instagram @icbtbpodcast .

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Grab you backpacks and acne cream we’re headed back to high school for this on Baddies. The Girl Next Door stars Emile Hirsch, Elisha Cuthbert, Chris Marquette, Paul Dano, and Timothy Olyphant, keep a peeled eye out Baddies because Olive Wilde makes a sneaky cameo. Alejandro offers to be the biological father to Christians babies. Also in this episode Christian reads the synopsis and does a better job than Alejandro ever did. Alejandro was an asshole in high school (no surprise) but he also lorded that power over younger students (also not a surprise). And Christian thinks Alejandro is disgusting, he responds like a child. Alejandro thinks he understands movie finances... he doesn’t. Christian goes Chess board shopping.

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Lock and Load Baby, Alejandro and Christian suit up for the romantic-action-comedy-coming-of-age tale that is Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005). Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie literally fall in love in front of our very eyes. Alejandro shares an experience he had with a Creationist Museum. And Christian can’t disagree with the fact that this is a perfect movie, he didn’t say that, but I’m sure he’ll read this and agree. Armie Hammer throws Christian for a loop. Alejandro gives Christian a chance to redeem himself when it comes to holding a baby. The Boys question, “Is John Smith actually good at his job, or is he just lucky?”. Vince Vaughn writes Alejandro’s next pick up line. Christian hates money sequels and is actually happy they won’t be making a sequel.

Slither in for this python of a movie that we all know and love (?). Samuel L. Jackson does all the classic things in this rollercoaster ride of a movie, he says MF’er, he shoots guns, he saves the day, we all remember this one, Snakes On A Plane (2006). Right off the bat Alejandro makes a claim that bullies are a good thing, which is just an unbelievable thing but not the craziest thing for him to say. Christian and Alejandro unveil their rating system for movies. Alejandro talks about how he killed a snake to save a bunch of children. The movie is the most Chaotic Good movie ever made, as Alejandro says, “The assholes get eaten, the good guys get eaten.” The Boys are blown away by the surprise must video at the end of the film. And Christian gets very hungry during recording and he can’t stop thinking about food. Lastly they touch on last words in a zombie apocalypse.