It Can’t Be That Bad

Fri-yay Baddies! Unwind with this super intense gore-fest... oh wait no no sorry that’s a different movie, this one is Spanglish my mistake this is a way different flick starring Adam Sandler, Téa Leoni, and Paz Vega. James L. Brooks has a chance to direct one of the worlds greatest comedians and makes the bold choice to have him not be funny, don’t run off yet because it totally works. Both of the Boys has a large black coffee prior to recording and it makes itself known. Alejandro does a dead on impression of Christian. And Christian learns how to roll his R’s. The Boys list off Téa’s many bad traits that lead to her being the worst person in this film. And Alejandro is brutally honest in all senses. Christian also thinks this movie has the weirdest sex scene in the history of cinema.

All for one and one for all Baddies! Christian of Baltazar and Alejandro of Nazareth cross the dunes to bring a review of the modern contemporary art masterpiece that is The Three Musketeers (1993). Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, and God-Fearing Charlie Sheen helm said musketeers, and Chris O’Donnell joins in with the group, at great risk to the tittle, when he finds out Tim Curry is playing the bad guy. Alejandro thinks neither of the Boys could survive if they time travelled to any time before 1990. Christian is far more familiar with the candy Three Musketeers than he is with the actual story written in 1844. And Christian drops semi-reliable knowledge about the classic Colt 45. Alejandro thinks this film takes place in the 14th century and has zero clue that he’s off by about 500 years, then he calls his brother, Matt Middleton, to get his thoughts on the film that was a staple in their house growing up. Christian and Alejandro have a hearty laugh at the idea of Christian being tricked into starring in the worst produced porno. Alejandro has the same BPOS as his brother and hates it.

Sit back and pour your self a nice hot cup of coffee with just a splash of cream for this one Baddies. Small Potatoes and Dig Bick Christian rap their ways into your hearts and also review the Netflix Original, Coffee and Kareem (2020) starring Ed Helms, Taraji P. Henson, King Bach, Betty Gilpin, and Terrence Little Gardenhigh it’s the perfect quarantine movie for you after watching 72 hours of television straight. Alejandro read the synopsis as a Russian-Canadian-Kentucky version of Bob Dylan. The Boys discuss things people do to seem less racist that end up being more racist. Christian is afraid of grenades and Alejandro seems to know a lot about grenades... and cell phone tracking. Christian co-worker begs him to go to a strip club with him. And Alejandro reveals Christians address and admits to not being afraid to taze his mother.

Were you a lonely kid growing up with in over active imagination like Christian, Alejandro, and, Head of the Corrections Department, Nikki Lowe? Did you have an imaginary friend that kept you company in your tough times? Did you ever blame blame acts of vandalism on said imaginary friends? If so then this is a perfect movie for you, Drop Dead Fred (1991) is starring Phoebe Cates, and Rik Mayall as an adult woman who reconnects with her childhood imaginary friend. It’s Nikki’s all time favorite movie and Alejandro’s nightmare scenario. Christian and Nikki determine that Alejandro is “pre-jumpy” and thus doesn’t like scary films. Alejandro and Nikki tell us how they met and how long it took her to tolerate Alejandro. The trio re-castes this film to a modern age and Alejandro relates to the worst character in the film.. shocker. The boys potentially ruin this movie for Nikki by pointing out the overt sexual  tension and she explains how she must have been a semi-bad person in their past lives.

Wash your hands Baddies! Then watch this disaster film that stacked the deck with Academy Award winning actors just for it to be an absolute abomination of film. Outbreak (1995) stars Dustin Hoffman, Marcel (Ross’ Capuchin monkey), Rene Russo, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey, Donald Sutherland, and Patrick Dempsey. The timing couldn’t be better for this film where every actor is trying to one up the stupid in every scene putting American citizens, and the word’s health at risk. Christian gets excited about science stuff and exasperated at the novice mistakes the scientist makes in this film. Alejandro and Christian get assassinated mid episode and are replaced by clones/ hitmen/ robots from the future… or something like that, who really knows. Alejandro tries to convince us he speaks Italian, and Christian leads the PC police in an attempt to find Alejandro’s stance on preferred pronouns, unknowingly pushing him far the opposite direction. The answer to the disease in this film is to blow up the town with a bomb, which besides being the absolute most American response, is wrong on so many reasons. #monkeysarethieves #allmonkeys

Baddies gather around the camp fire here, I have a description to tell you, it’s about a movie with no rating, Terminal (2018), it’s produced and starred in by Margot Robbie This underground thriller host a number of memorable actors like Simon Pegg, Mike Myers, Max Irons, Matthew Lewis, and Dexter Fletcher. Right out the gate Alejandro does a magic trick and Christian is almost impressed. And the Boys can’t help but rave about this film released in almost silence. Alejandro finds the one connection between this movie and George Orwell’s “1984”, and he has to show everyone he read a book in high school. Christian uses an accent that can only be classified as “tasty”. Alejandro gets hung up on the sentence “You would think that, wouldn’t you?” This movies has double the twists a usual movie, and it’s everything you never expected to see in a movie with Wayne’s World and Harley Quinn.

Baddies gather around the camp fire here, I have a description to tell you, it’s about a movie with no rating, Terminal (2018), it’s produced and starred in by Margot Robbie This underground thriller host a number of memorable actors like Simon Pegg, Mike Myers, Max Irons, Matthew Lewis, and Dexter Fletcher. Right out the gate Alejandro does a magic trick and Christian is almost impressed. And the Boys can’t help but rave about this film released in almost silence. Alejandro finds the one connection between this movie and George Orwell’s “1984”, and he has to show everyone he read a book in high school. Christian uses an accent that can only be classified as “tasty”. Alejandro gets hung up on the sentence “You would think that, wouldn’t you?” This movies has double the twists a usual movie, and it’s everything you never expected to see in a movie with Wayne’s World and Harley Quinn.

Listen Baddies we won’t let a little thing like a world wide pandemic stop our show, not when there’s so many movies that need defending. One that doesn’t need a defense is Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw (2019). How can there be a need to defend a movie that stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jason Statham, Vanessa Kirby, The Rock’s personal gym, Idris Elba, and Dame Helen Mirren. The Boys play a game that only works if you’ve never seen the movie... again. Alejandro tells a pirate joke that falls just short of Christian’s standards. And Christian unveils a new segment but Alejandro burst his bubble reminding him that they have totally done that segment before. It’s a bold move for a Fast and Furious movie to take all the fast cars and all of the furious-ness our but some how it works.

Listen Baddies we won’t let a little thing like a world wide pandemic stop our show, not when there’s so many movies that need defending. One that doesn’t need a defense is Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw (2019). How can there be a need to defend a movie that stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jason Statham, Vanessa Kirby, The Rock’s personal gym, Idris Elba, and Dame Helen Mirren. The Boys play a game that only works if you’ve never seen the movie... again. Alejandro tells a pirate joke that falls just short of Christian’s standards. And Christian unveils a new segment but Alejandro burst his bubble reminding him that they have totally done that segment before. It’s a bold move for a Fast and Furious movie to take all the fast cars and all of the furious-ness our but some how it works.

Hey there Baddies! Incase you missed our live show we have here the audio from our Live Q(uarantine) & A. The Boys did not know how this was going to go but boy are we happy with where it went. Bird sex, butt holes and the Great Meeting of Christian and Alejandro are all covered in this episode. They use hand sanitizer constantly so don’t worry Baddies the Boys are still doing their part to flatten the curve. Nik Low, Head of the Corrections Department, is in the studio keeps the Boys on track.