The Hags are on an eight hour time difference from each other LA and Scotland. Indecision descends as Kate chooses her birthday treat at Sephora. Negative visualization and Stoicism are experienced via an app. Listeners may note: Jacqueline references her own metaphor from a previous episode, lake full of fish, and Kate does not recall it. Jacqueline wonders what makes a product purple, Kate finds the answer, says it twice, and Jacqueline does not hear her. Mirroring language back to the others. We can handle colorless product. 
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This episode was edited and engineered by C. Tweedie. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It Was Never Cake

Wellness is a trillion-dollar industry full of scams and snake oil salesmen but comedians and best friends Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak just can’t get enough. Join them as they try products and practices, consult healers and experts, and ask the ultimate question: is it truly wellness they’re after or just the thrill of the chase?

Comedy

Alternative Health

Health

Health & Fitness

This week's episode is a re-airing of a Poog classic: The hags are bubbling over with excitement. Jacqueline wants help with her navicular accessory foot injury, but they discuss: Werner Herzog's Grizzly Man and Cave of Forgotten Dreams, red light therapy, Bonus rooms, Buster Keaton, Tartuffe, and Best Week Ever. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bonus (RE-RELEASE)

Pizza, cherry pie, and the urge to take off running once your table is ready. If Jacqueline enjoyed it yesterday, she wants it again today. Kate is trying as hard as she can. A spider’s glance. Superbills and psychic dreams…do you want to operate at ‘peak’, or do you want to just ‘get by’? Tuesday, overlooked. Jacqueline is leaning on the Lyma, and no outside sources were used whatsoever. The soft serve was disappointing and NYAD RULES. Lip gloss dazzles anew. The way tears change the face. What if this is the beginning of insanity?
Brands mentioned: WHOOP, Pat McGrath, Dr. Loretta, FLOYD, Dr. Dennis Gross
Genuinely Begging for: Goop Kitchen, Perfect Amino
Edited and mixed by Allie Graham. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My First Rodeo

Sorry, what’s your name? Grinning in a movie theatre bathroom stall, and weeping in the car watching NASA Live. Fascination at the ‘close friends’ of the ultra-famous. Is it Baudrillard or Baudelaire? Applauding celestial bodies and researching kettles. Toothless and tea-less, we need the real moon again. A scratched pan for which no one is to blame and suspicion over a missing spatula. Kate is neglecting the neck and chopping tiny. Texting the Healer’s wife, Jacqueline’s eyebrows are fully f*cking lifted. It’s called stepping into the reality of your life!
Sincerely Begging For: Goop Kitchen, Graza
Brands Mentioned: Lyma, Great Jones, Caraway
Edited and mixed by Allie Graham. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Moon in Your House

Presented with a porous board and sepsis for everyone we've ever met. Suffer not one exception. What is it about 4:10pm on a Friday? A return to herbs and bank culture. The unitard is not sweaty, it’s completely soaked. The dream of Hag Serum and the chore of good TV. Planes are where you do what cannot be done on earth. Upsetting evidence against good habits when the walk doesn’t take. Jacqueline massages her face, Kate sees the sunset and draws the blinds. Getting Max-ed and manicured the Russian way. Confusion at kids buying PDFs. Philosophically good, aesthetically great. The God you don’t believe in... I don’t believe in that God either. It’s time to integrate the shadow. That’s exactly the vibe!
Earnestly Begging For: Hurom, Almond Cow
Brands Mentioned: Purity Vodka, Catbird, KitchenAid, Caraway, Erewhon
Edited and mixed by Allie Graham. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Evil Poog

A low dose of adderall and the unexamined life… I’m listening! Kate is asked to explain what POOG is, while Jacqueline’s zealousness is often mistaken for sarcasm. The cord is not the problem, but the annuals aren’t what they used to be. No flashlight in the eye, nor in the ear. Who’d want a girl like that to get sick? Water for wellness and the perfect protein. The presence of Eggo Waffles and Raisin Bran, when the family doesn’t integrate the gifted lifestyle change. Jacqueline dreams of a room for celery and Kate never forgets God. Revelling in the honeymoon phase of new products, and contemplating the tenability of daily juicing. It’s always a woman.  
Brands mentioned: Perfect Amino, Magic Mind, HigherDOSE, Charlotte Tilbury, Caraway, Pendulum 
Begging for: NIRA Pro Anti-Aging Laser, Hurom, OneSkin, Aesop Sublime Replenishing Night Masque & Blue Chamomile Facial Hydrating Masque, and a reup of Dr. Diamond and LYMA serum and cream See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It Was Never Cake

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