It's All My Fault

I am in rough (very?) draft form trying to figure out why I do the things I do...so sameol' sameol' really. Is it worth another's time to eavesdrop from afar? If you're into chaos cycles in review as well as experiencing a bit in real time, this could be your thing. But I'm done telling you what you'll find valuable or worthy of pursuit toward a fulfilling life...no.no.no...not this guy.

late4werk.agin

• Episode 6 of 53

What can I share about episode 111 of It's All My Fault? Not really sure...even though I just recorded it. And that feels like exactly the type of 'well what exactly were you paying attention to?!?' finish to my day that I deserve.

Might I deserve better tomorrow? My Magic 8-ball is not where it's supposed to be... so I guess I'll have to collapse my wave potentialities myself and get back to you.

late4werk.agin

• Episode 5 of 53

For me, there wasn't much of a line between believing in myself and thinking I was the only problem that couldn't be fixed. In fact, some of those lines were so fine that I missed them entirely.

late4werk.agin

• Episode 4 of 53

Am I able to make a list of new rules to follow, rules intending to enable the best available life outcomes for myself, and then proceed to abide by said rules for even one 24 hour day without finding a reason in that day to declare these new rules are completely invalid? Well, no, I do not believe I can do that.

Because this world, this version of infinite Earth, this one can leave you thinking things that make all the rules seem irrelevant, for whatever reason, and can have you talking to dots on electronic maps before you know it ...especially if you tend to let things get out of hand. And boy do I have the potential to let things get out of hand...seriously. I kid you not, go listen and see for yourself if you think I exaggerate.

AND THEN, ALLCAPSTYLE, I wonder why I...wonder why... do any of you lovely treasure boxes of human manifestation... why would any of you NOT believe that you deserve a better life? SERIOUSLY. I do wonder about this. Like...a lot. Seriously wondering... Probably too much if I am honest about it.

So what about me? Well yeah, of course...probably... but not much more golden showering needed over here right now... certainly not anything recorded. What I mean to convey is that I kinda like what I've got going on atm. more or less, and I don't want to expect better for me than I expect for thee... well a job maybe, but no rush on that!

My attention to be helpful is focused outward...

... and apparently toward you. You're the one who can't see how much hope remains available to be realized, even now, unsettled as you are on this version of Earth.

Rather than deciding it's not worth getting involved, I ask that you reflect for a moment, consider why this circumstance is a reality you're willing to accept, in fact embrace for yourself. What am I missing?

If that isn't a question worthy enough to ponder...well, I have others.

In fact, so totally full of questions am I that I seem not to know anything at all any more. And I'm okay with that. It's not like I'm waiting on an answer to these questions right here or anything stupid like that anyhow...

Um, slightly off topic here, but is this commentary now longer than the actual recording? It's certainly possible. It took a lot more time and effort than whatever I said earlier, that much I know. This is why raw, unedited splatterchatter is my path to truth. No beautification efforts whatsoever, just ugly old me and my unanswered questions.

late4werk.agin

• Episode 3 of 53

I'm not sure I mentioned spacetime coordinates (March 10, 8:02 pm MST) on this one...I might have, I'm just being thorough.

I do not know because I'm uploading my nonsense before relistening to said nonsense. For the first time ever.

Why have I not relistened to this one like I have done with every other episode? Too much to do. Until I'm working again I have to be focused with my time. Have you seen how long this one is? OMG!

I cannot tell you how arduous listening in here might be since I don't know what could possibly have had me on the phone having a conversation with myself for that long. WtF did I do in there??? If I don't even want to go find out, should you?

And this time I'm not just asking for a friend...unless we're indeed friends. In that specific situation, I admit that I am asking for a friend. Should you (possibly maybe could oddly be unbeknownst to me) my friend? Should you?

late4werk.agin

• Episode 2 of 53

You only get one chance to make a third impression. Rising up to take that chance, I present:

• John shut your mouth, the first episode in V3, late4werk.agin

• As well as the 107th entry so far in my 2022 project: It's All My Fault

Knowing my history for contaminating all types of situations, there should be plenty of opportunity to decontaminate the processes and preparation methods I'm utilizing. So look forward to improvements therein. Trying to make things better...well that's kind of my thing now.

At a minimum the volume and clarity of the 53 recordings that will eventually become late4werk.agin must improve over the audio results from V1 wate.wut? and V2 c.wut.ahapnd.wuz. Atop the list of concerns must be a zero tolerance policy for all "user errors" resulting from mishandling the microphone and/or headset assembly. Agreed? Thought so.

Unfortunately, episode one's audio has some microphone clickityclacking going on that is my fault. As such, improving the audio clarity, and thus the listeners' experience, will be my priority beginning next episode.

Wouldn't you know it, I'm dragging on here and I was supposed to be somewhere 15 minutes ago so... what can I say? This volume's title nailed it!

late4werk.agin

• Episode 1 of 53

I never like finishing up a project, for too many reasons to list here...so many in fact that it took almost two hours of final thoughts to sew up all the loose threads. Well, coming correct on some of the not-so-flattering elements I found strewn about the 27+ hours of confession are a big chunk of it too, so not all that time is spent wandering aimlessly. The final act in this the final chapter of C.Wut.Ahapnd.Wuz, the second volume thus far in my yearlong project of personal salvation: It's All My Fault.

Now that the grand finale is in the lawyers' hands, (better late than never) I'm flipping over the closed sign, pouring myself a glass of chocolate milk, and wrapping up this white elephant of an early March non-denominational gift offering...all of that, I am doing. No, no, no...please no thank you cards, none wanted nor expected. Thoughts and prayers, as always, will suffice. Word. To my mother. Ha!

C.Wut.Ahapnd.Wuz

• Episode 53 of 53

Finishing projects is not my spesh-ee-al-itee. Come see the angst for yourself; it's on full display.

I just ask that you try your best to be kind, understand I'm doing what I can to not waste your time and forgive me for all the opportunities in which I fail to maximize my brand.

Okay, you don't have to forgive me for that... first part.

C.Wut.Ahapnd.Wuz

• Episode 52 of 53

Asking you to go down this rabbit hole feels so wrong that I tell you to rethink that exact decision half-way through the process. If that still tempts you to hit play/download, well, know that I did my best to keep this short but things got out of hand.

Obviously.

C.Wut.Ahapnd.Wuz

• Episode 51 of 53

I don't mean to impose on your time again here my imaginary listener friend, but it isn't often that I have all the preparatory work for a meeting ready to go and then proceed to stumblebumble my way through 45 minutes of unintended intro-chitter-chatter resulting in a complete postponement of that scheduled analysis and summary of said detailed revision materials until the next time the red button is engaged so as not to waste more of your time than I already did by firstly, not editing this admission of culpability a bit more than I already have... and two, by derailing myself so thoroughly and immediately at the outset of this recorded entry, the 50th of 53 episodes in the C.Wut.Ahapnd.Wuz project, which I had advertised would be an episode dedicated to me relistening and locating my mistaken thought processes/oversights/errors/omissions/whatevs from episodes 40-49 and then reacting as necessary to said discoveries with any mea culpas and other such repair work deemed actionable and properly funded ...thus giving a reason for the aforementioned notes that I at least remembered to bring with me from the get-go...am I right? Word.

I can't explain what I was thinking to underperform this way, I just did it as above mostly says I did it without even realizing I was doing it. So...after calling my life coach for a bit of wtf? self-analysis to reestablish my balance, I have this recently shortened-for-time but always italicized statement to release to the public:

First, I'd like to say I hope to do this one better...but really better ya know? not like I said last time, and that other time would be better, this time I'm serious. And, honestly, sooooo "out-of-right-field" was this behavior of mine, this way of forgetting what I was doing while holding the very item in my hand that I was in need of remembering still needed doing... coupled with my dumb talky-talky way of being lame and my especially stunning sequence of back-to-back-to-back-to-back distracted moments that demonstrated, nay the word is confirmed, that there was no hope that I might actually get back to the original point, and in so doing address the material I had so earnestly compiled minutes before starting these very proceedings; SO JAW-DROPPINGLY specific of a maneuver was all of that wave-function-collapsing activity in that location in spacetime as our shared reality presents it for cause and effect interactivity to realize presupposing you have the meat sack minimum senses to experience it...well... that cloud of quantum locality behavior I'm pretty sure, is the only time I've actually done it in precisely that way...so far as I know, in these published efforts available on the world wide web within this data set under observation as I maintain my existence simultaneously to ensure it's been observed. But I could be wrong here still...no doubt this could all simply be my inner-thoughts experiencing non-locality without me...giggity.

C.Wut.Ahapnd.Wuz

• Episode 50 of 53