It's Embert

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s latest complaint? Main Character Syndrome.
That strange new condition where every trip to the store becomes a cinematic event, complete with sunglasses, slow-motion twirls, and unearned delusions of grandeur.

In this rant-to-reality check:

• A pharmacy trip turned fashion film

• Grandson’s absurd defense of “vibes”

• A reminder that not every moment is “aesthetic”

• And a plea for quiet, normalcy, and grocery store dignity

If you’ve ever had to step around someone doing a dramatic walk-and-talk in a CVS parking lot, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert escapes the background of someone else’s TikTok.

Ask ChatGPT

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert is fed up with the era of over-sharers and self-appointed influencers turning every errand into a performance piece.
He misses a time when life was private—and dignity didn’t require a mute button.

In this live-streamed lecture:

• The rise of public narcissism disguised as authenticity

• Grandson's defense of “branding” and why it fails

• Rants about diners, checkout lines, and charity on camera

• A call to step offline and return to reality

If your phone battery lasts longer than your attention span, you need this episode.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds a corner of the world where no one is filming him.

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Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert blows the whistle on the amusement park epidemic of grown-ups behaving like sugar-addled toddlers.
He came for a funnel cake, stayed for the judgment, and left with a migraine.

In this crowd-control classic:

• Adults who need a timeout more than the kids

• Why nostalgia has a credit limit

• A showdown with his grandson about “magic”

• And a plea to stop wearing mouse ears past the age of reason

If your weekend plans involve fantasy kingdoms and $12 soda refills, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert recovers from motion sickness caused by watching TikTok dances in line.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s latest target? The “dog-friendly” office trend that has turned professional spaces into canine chaos.
From allergy nightmares to awkward sniffing encounters, he’s got plenty to say—and not much of it is leash-friendly.

In this bark-tastic rant:

• Why offices and animals don’t mix

• The time a corgi disrupted Q3 projections

• What his grandson thinks about it (and why he’s wrong)

• And a flashback to when morale didn’t come with a squeaky toy

If your workplace has more chew toys than staplers, you need this episode.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes lint-rolling dog hair off his slacks.

Ask ChatGPT

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert goes full crusty bread on the modern plague of delivery dependency.
From overpriced sandwiches to limp fries that show up 90 minutes late, he’s had it with a world that can’t be bothered to walk out the door for lunch.

In this one:

• A eulogy for the neighborhood deli

• A showdown with his grandson over “convenience”

• A public service announcement about tipping

• And a desperate plea for society to put pants on again

If your idea of effort is tracking your burrito in real-time, it’s time to tune in and shape up.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes microwaving the sandwich he picked up himself.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

It’s Independence Day, and Embert is not here for your drunk uncles, TikTok firework fails, or casual disrespect for what the day really means.

In this explosive episode:

• The difference between patriotism and nonsense

• A plea to stop terrorizing pets and old men

• A rant on freedom, sacrifice, and flaming lawn chairs

• And one cranky veteran’s guide to celebrating like you actually give a damn

If you still think the Fourth is just about beer and bangs, this one’s your wake-up call wrapped in an American flag.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes chasing teenagers off his driveway with a garden hose and a pocket Constitution.

Season 4, Episode 60 – “I’m Not an Employee, I’m Just Old and Angry”

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s blood pressure spikes as he rails against the tyranny of self-checkout lanes.
He didn’t sign up to become a cashier. He just wanted batteries—and maybe a little respect.

In this firecracker episode:

• The indignity of being your own bag boy

• The myth of “efficiency”

• Glitches, freezes, and false accusations

• And why self-checkout might just be retail’s final insult

If you’ve ever muttered “unexpected item in bagging area” in your sleep, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes trying to scan a can of beans for the fifth time.

Ask ChatGPT

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s blowing a fuse over smart appliances that aren’t so smart.
From toasters with settings that require a tutorial to fridges that want your Wi-Fi password, he’s had it with modern “convenience.”

In this one:

• The washing machine that sends text messages

• The fridge that can stream music but not chill milk

• The rise of surveillance kitchenware

• And why Embert misses the glory of buttons, knobs, and things that just worked

If you’ve ever had to download a firmware update to make toast, this episode will soothe your analog soul.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes yelling at the dryer for asking for his location.

Bonus! Embert has no way to end the recording so goes on for several more minutes before "pushing a button" that either launches a nuke or ends the recording.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

What does your shopping cart say about you? Everything.
In this episode, Embert goes ballistic on the lazy, the selfish, and the “too busy” folks who treat parking lots like lawless wastelands.

Topics include:

• The unwritten rule of the cart corral

• The cart that murdered his Buick

• A savage takedown of the “Someone gets paid for that” excuse

• And the shocking connection between cart abandonment and societal decay

If you’ve ever returned a cart in the rain just because it was the right thing to do—this one’s your victory lap.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes walking the one cart he didn’t even use all the way back to the front of the store.

Ask ChatGPT

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert’s got a message for the snowflake generation: not everything deserves a trophy.
From t-ball leagues handing out gold for last place to “Most Enthusiastic” ribbons that belong in a trash can, he’s fed up with the cult of empty praise.

In this episode:

• Why losing builds character

• What real achievement looks like

• The truth behind “Most Improved”

• And why the only trophy Embert ever earned was a chipped tooth and a handshake

If you think failure is mean, this episode is your wake-up call with a side of tough love.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes yelling at a youth soccer team.