It's Embert

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Today, Embert goes to war with the rise of online customer service—a battlefield littered with chatbots, hold music, and “agents” named Steve who clearly aren't.

This rage-filled rant covers:

• The absolute joke that is “live chat”

• Voice menus that require a PhD to navigate

• Why he’ll take a rude human over a friendly AI any day

• The hold music trauma that still haunts him

• And the future he wants: robots that fear us, not “empathize”

If you’ve screamed “REPRESENTATIVE!” into your phone like a lunatic, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finally gets disconnected in peace.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert straps in for a turbulent takedown of everything wrong with modern air travel. From TSA humiliation rituals to overpriced snacks and people dressed for a sleepover instead of a flight, he’s fed up and airborne.

Highlights include:

• Why flying in pajama pants is a national embarrassment

• The death of airline dignity and peanuts

• Crying infants, support animals, and support humans

• Seats designed for stick figures and elbows of fury

• And a reminder that no one needs three carry-ons and a beanbag chair

If you’ve ever looked around a boarding area and thought “This feels like a hostage situation,” Embert’s with you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert reclaims his overhead bin space from a guy named Skyler.

Due to a coding problem with Alexa, you are hearing this description instead of the actual episode of It's Embert! While they try to figure this out, if they ever do, please look for It's Embert on Spotify where you can listen to this and all other episodes. Thank you for your patience while some engineer that put a colon where a bracket should be figures out what they did wrong at Alexa HQ.

Embert has had it up to his bifocals with group chats. From nonstop pings and pointless polls to emoji abuse and unsolicited brunch updates, he declares war on this digital nightmare disguised as “connection.”

Inside the rant:

• What it means when your phone buzzes 63 times in 10 minutes

• Grandson’s ridiculous defense of the “family vibe”

• The dangers of GIF overload

• And a plea for the return of personal dignity and peace

If you’ve ever regretted typing “Sure, add me to the group,” this episode is your emotional support bat signal.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds a chat-free corner of the internet.

In this flame-grilled episode, Embert loses his last nerve over the gentrification of the backyard cookout. Tofu, zucchini, beet juice, and Bluetooth grills? Not on his watch.

Inside the fire:

• A passionate plea for real meat and real propane

• Grandson’s leafy blunder

• Why the phrase “vegan brisket” makes Embert physically ill

• The emotional power of Aunt Marlene’s potato salad

• And a warning for anyone who dares bring a quinoa casserole to his house

If you believe barbecues are sacred and kale has no place near open flame, consider this your sermon.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert gets the grill started without an app.

Embert takes on the scourge of modern retail: the self-checkout lane. In a rant filled with beeping, bagging, and borderline nervous breakdowns, he lays bare the absurdity of stores turning customers into unpaid interns.

Highlights include:

• The disappearance of Brenda, Queen of Aisle 6

• A war with the bagging area robot

• Grandson’s misguided faith in “efficiency”

• An angry debate over sweet potatoes vs. yams

• And a haunting question: Do I work here now?

If you’ve ever muttered “I just wanted toothpaste” while waiting for an override, this one’s your therapy session—with Embert as your deeply irritated life coach.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert’s done fighting with the frozen peas scanner.

Embert’s had enough of “modern” church. In this reverently ranty episode, he lays into lattes in the sanctuary, praise bands with stage names, and sermons that sound like TED Talks.

Topics include:

• Church services that look like Coachella

• Grandson’s living room church “experience”

• The loss of silence, suits, and solemnity

• And why Embert still believes in hymnals, hard benches, and a good potluck

If you’ve ever wondered what happened to the sacred, the still, and the sound of a real choir, Embert’s got a sermon of his own—and it doesn’t come with neon lighting.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finishes wrestling with the church coffee machine.

In this milestone episode, Embert hits turbulence with the growing zoo of emotional support animals and objects. From ferrets in first class to peacocks in courtrooms, he questions whether we’ve confused “coping” with “chaos.”

Includes:

• A ferret with more rights than your suitcase

• Grandson’s defense of kombucha-based therapy

• Support humans (yes, really)

• A demand for fewer laminated vests and more self-discipline

If you’re tired of emotional crutches getting frequent flyer miles, let Embert guide you back to sanity—with no emotional support animals required.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert’s done growling at the support iguana next to him.

In this fiery and funny episode, Embert uncorks a hot thermos of rage over the absurdity of cancel culture. What used to be a private grudge is now a digital witch hunt. And if you think it’s about justice, Embert’s got a boiled peanut and a belt loop with your name on it.

Highlights include:

• Ancient tweets and modern drama

• Grandson’s unpaid debts and warped logic

• A world where only golden retrievers remain

• The lost art of minding your own business

• And why being offended is not a superpower

If you’ve ever been afraid to speak your mind because someone might turn it into a hashtag, this one’s your support group—with Embert as your crusty, ranty therapist.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert’s not being retroactively canceled for yelling at a cloud.

Embert’s back in black—suit, tie, and outrage—after witnessing the most unholy sight of all: a woman filming herself at a funeral. In this dark but hilarious episode, he breaks down how we’ve lost all sense of decorum, especially when it comes to saying goodbye.

Includes:

• TikTok eulogies and sparkle filters

• Grandson’s latte-fueled grief post

• Funeral homes with hashtags

• A man who listened to a murder podcast during a hymn

• And Embert’s suggestion that we bury our phones with our dignity

If you miss the days when mourning meant something more than engagement metrics, this one’s your spiritual reset.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert puts his own phone in a drawer for good.

In this revved-up episode, Embert’s grumbling about smart cars, sassy GPS voices, and grown adults who let a robot park their car for them. Back in his day, the only thing the car said was “vroom”—and it meant it.

Topics include:

• The death of glove box maps

• Grandson’s misguided faith in “smart mobility”

• Self-driving as “assisted loafing”

• Emotional support dashboards

• And why your car should shut up and drive

If you miss when vehicles didn’t beep, talk, or make you feel judged, Embert’s got your back.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert disables voice control with a screwdriver.