It's Embert

In this heavily starched episode, Embert rants about the decline of personal appearance—from mesh pants and taco glasses to green mohawks and designer pajamas. What happened to ironing a shirt and looking respectable?

He covers:

• The guy in mesh pants and a top hat

• Pajamas in public

• His grandson’s misguided ideas about “freedom”

• Barber disasters and facial metal detectors

• And a plea to bring back denim that doesn’t quit

If you believe style should include sleeves and sense, Embert’s preaching your gospel.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert spots another man in capri leggings.

In this thunderous throwback episode, Embert unpacks everything wrong with modern nightlife—from standing-room-only dance caves to cocktails with more herbs than a garden center. He longs for the days when you went out, danced with a stranger, and maybe remembered their name the next day.

This episode includes:

• DJ Migraine and his assault on Embert’s spine

• A crisis over no chairs

• Grandson's failed attempt to “vibe”

• The shocking app called Bonkr

• And why romance died somewhere between the fog machine and the cover charge

If you miss when a night out didn’t require hearing protection and GPS, Embert’s here to remind you: it used to be fun. Now it’s just cardio with neon.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds a place that still has booths.

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In this high-velocity episode, Embert unleashes a righteous rant against the rise of adults on scooters. What used to be a toy for kids is now a full-blown urban menace—and Embert’s not having it.

In this episode:

• Embert almost loses a hip to “Skyler on a Segway”

• Grandson tries (and fails) to defend scooter culture

• QR code chaos, sidewalk slalom, and smug riders

• And the quote of the day: “You wanna relive your childhood? Mow a lawn.”

If you’ve ever had to sidestep an e-scooter crash site or just miss when grown-ups had dignity, this episode will glide right into your soul.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert gets his sidewalk back.

In this episode, Embert unleashes his fury on the modern restroom revolution. Gone are the days of simple stalls and cranky hand dryers—now it’s a full-blown laser-guided obstacle course of confusion.

Expect rants about:

• Motion sensor meltdowns

• The toilet that flushed before Embert sat down

• Mirrors that advertise oat milk

• The scandal of air dryers

• And one too many conversations about “inclusive design”

If you’ve ever walked out of a bathroom feeling older, wetter, and more confused than when you walked in, this episode will feel like a warm roll of paper towels from 1987.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finally figures out how to work the soap.

In this special Father’s Day episode, Embert slaps on his black socks and sandals and storms headfirst into the downfall of modern fatherhood. From backyard grill legends to dads who fixed everything with duct tape and pure rage, this one's a tribute to real men who didn’t need therapy to show they cared—they just handed you tools and taught you how to use ‘em.

Highlights include:

• The power of the “dad stare”

• Embert’s father: a man who built a shed from spite

• Why vulnerability has its place—but not in the garage

• A brutal takedown of TikTok parenting

• And a salute to all the dads who show love without hashtags

If your dad ever handed you a hot dog with one hand while tightening a bolt with the other, this episode’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert hears someone say, “My child prefers not to be corrected.”

In Season 4, Episode 41, Embert rants his way through a traumatic lunch at a modern restaurant that promised him a “burger” and delivered botanical sadness.

In this episode:

• Embert battles the “plant-forward” movement

• A waiter’s eyebrows spark a war

• Grandson tries (and fails) to defend quinoa as an entrée

• And the zinger of the day: “If your patty has a soul cycle membership, it’s not a burger.”

If you’ve ever left a restaurant hungrier than when you arrived, this episode will fill you—with rage and common sense.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert finds food that doesn’t require decoding.

In Season 4, Episode 40, Embert delivers a furious—but somehow elegant—takedown of modern mail. From digital tracking nightmares to package pickup purgatory, nothing escapes his wrath.

In this episode:

• Embert fights with a QR code

• A grandson learns never to say “just go online” again

• The post office gets roasted for being a bureaucratic escape room

• And the line of the day: “I don’t want to scan anything except the headlines on a newspaper.”

If you’ve ever waited all day for a package that ended up “missed,” this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert gets something in the mail that actually belongs to him.

In Season 4, Episode 39, Embert laments the slow death of public park decency—where once you found peace, now you find shirtless bros, wild children, and live music nobody asked for.

This episode includes:

• A roast of “flow-state” joggers

• Embert’s brush with a rogue scooter

• Nostalgia for wooden benches and duck respect

• And the line of the episode: “If your child is feeding ducks Cheez-Its while screaming ‘yeet,’ you’ve failed.”

If you’ve ever gone to a park for quiet reflection and instead encountered a full-body drum circle, this one’s for you.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert escapes the chaos and reclaims his bench.

In Season 4, Episode 38, Embert wages war on the ever-expanding tipping culture that’s turned every interaction into a charity drive. From takeout windows to digital kiosks, everyone wants a slice of your conscience—and Embert’s not having it.

Expect:

• A takedown of digital guilt tipping

• A story about Embert’s grandson tipping for a smile

• Rants about tip buttons being bigger than the “decline” option

• And a final word of wisdom: “If the robot didn’t ask me how I’m doing, it’s not getting 18%.”

If you’ve had it with tipping requests at places where no service occurred, this episode is your relief.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert dodges another iPad flipping toward him with those beady little pre-selected percentages.

In Season 4, Episode 37, Embert tackles the high-tech horror show that grocery stores have become. He just wanted lettuce—and ended up needing a tutorial and a charging cable.

This episode includes:

• A rant against self-checkout tyranny

• The tragedy of Dolores the cashier’s disappearance

• Loyalty programs that feel like surveillance operations

• And the line of the day: “If I need a QR code to feed myself, civilization has failed.”

If you’ve ever screamed at a touchscreen or yearned for the sweet relief of a price sticker, this episode is your sanctuary.

New episodes drop regularly, or whenever Embert escapes the clutches of digital coupon culture.