“Boys and girl,” the air hostess goes, “we have arrived in Rovaniemi, Lapland – home of Santa Claus!” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

'Johnny goes, "My daddy says we’re going to eat a reindeer"'

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedy

The school concert hall is absolutely rammers this afternoon. We’re talking, like, 1,000 students and parents crammed between the walls to hear the result of the election for Mount Anville Head Girl for 2024-2025 and I haven’t seen Honor looking so pleased with herself since the time she swapped her old dear’s hair conditioning mask for Veet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Honor and Liesel are both smiling and it’s like driving towards a cor with its lights on full beam. I end up having to turn away

It’s Friday afternoon in London, the day before the European Champions Cup final. We’ve spent the last three hours talking about our favourite memories from our years following Leinster. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Goys – it’s time that I got the tattoo’

So I’m driving along Vico Road – one of the bits of the road where two cors can barely pass – when I notice a black SUV coming towards me at speed... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Ross, someone has put up a poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Apporently kompromat is the solution?

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “what is she doing?” Yeah, no, she’s talking about Honor, who’s smiling so hord that it looks like someone has jammed a coat hanger in her mouth sideways. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘What if she wins, Ross? I’ve already heard some of the other moms refer to her as the Trump candidate’

So it’s, like, Friday night and I’m having the usual pints with the goys in The Bridge. Dave Kearney asks how we’re getting on with a big smirk on his face. We’re all, like, crowded around my phone. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

'Johnny goes, "My daddy says we’re going to eat a reindeer"'

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