SLIPKNOT HATES RUSSIANS, PEYTON MANNING IS AMAZING, AIR JORDANS WILL GET YOU CAUGHT, AND SCOTTY DOESN'T WANT HIS KID TO READ

WHAT UP WITH LARRY DAVID?????, UKRAINE IS BADASS, FREE BRITNEY IS NAKED BRITNEY, AND JOJO WAS INJURED IN A DODGEBALL ACCIDENT

THE BATMAN LOOKS AWESOME, PEOPLE FROM WW2 ARE A DIFFERENT BREED, JOE'S MOM WON'T PUMP HER OWN GAS, AND HULK HOGAN IS SINGLE

CHANNING TATUM'S NEW MOVIE MAY KILL A DOG, ELVIRA IS STILL HOT, BEEF AND BEER RAFFLES SUCK, AND KIDS WATCHING VIDEOS OF KIDS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IS STRANGE

PUTIN IS MAKING MOVES, JOAN JETT IS A HORRIBLE THIEF, AC AIRPORT IS MAGICALLY, AND MULLETS ARE BACK

WENDY WILLIAMS IS OVER, OUR WIVES ARE WAY MORE SUCCESSFUL, MY WIFE HATES PAM FROM THE OFFICE, EVERYONE HAS A DISCONNECTED SMOKE ALARM IN THEIR HOUSE

TRASH DAYS ARE THE WORST DAYS, SCOTTY KILLS BIRDS, BEING IN A SHITTY BAND CAN BUY YOU A MANSION, AND THE ROCK IS SAVING THE XFL

EVERYBODY HAS OFF????? NOT US! HAPPY PRESIDENT'S DAY!

YELLOWSTONE IS AWESOME, HELICOPTER DADS, MOTLEY CRUE IS WAY BETTER THAN DEF LEPPARD, AND DATING TAYLOR SWIFT IS A HARD JOB

ROD STEWART IS AWESOME!, MEN SUCK AT FOOD SHOPPING, MILLVILLE IS INTERESTING, AND LOSING A LIMB ISN'T ALWAYS A BAD THING