Welcome back to Jonah Asks,

Noah Perkins is a terrific sports journalist, a dedicated and proud father, a sandwich lover, and a native of Cambridge, Massachusetts. Like me, Noah loves basketball and is a child of divorce. Unlike me, Noah experienced profound loss at a young age. His dad died in a tragic accident when he was 14 and his mom died years later in a car accident. Like me, Noah moved to California and became a father a few years ago. This is the 2nd time Noah has been on Jonah Asks. To hear the first episode: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/jonahasks/episodes/2021-01-11T12_59_55-08_00

We discuss the following topics: family (divorce, family history)fathers (masculinity, psychology, connection, vulnerability)dealing with griefschooling (personal experience and considering education in general)parenting (connection, anxiety, attachment, identity)anxiety (how anxiety is passed down and how we deal with it as adults)technology (screen life versus real life)NBA (Celtics, Warriors, the schedule)sandwiches (Noah's Top 3)music

"The Bottom of It" Fruit Bats

https://fruit-bats.bandcamp.com/album/gold-past-life

"Reckoner" Radiohead (From the Basement session)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9rN9eY2hRc

Noah's writing: https://muckrack.com/noah-perkins

Noah on Twitter: https://twitter.com/NoahZZPerkins

Opening

Holidays

We discuss navigating the holidays as a parent. Noah has a 22-month-old daughter and is trying to balance his old self with his new parent self. Noah interviewed Patrick Ewing in May of 2020, beginning of the pandemic. Noah balances journalism work with fatherhood.

8 minutes

Noah describes his father's background. His parents divorced when Noah was in Kindergarten.

11 minutes

Two Homes and Benefit of the Doubt. Both of Noah's parents died long ago. Jonah's parents are both still alive. We discuss mythologizing and giving people the benefit of the doubt.

18 minutes

The death of Noah's dad and the aftermath.

How Noah's father grew up - Moving around and abuse in the '50s. Bedford, Massachusetts. After the divorce, Noah's parents had shared custody. He'd spent every other weekend with his dad. When he was 14, Noah's died tragically in an accident. Noah was forced to see the school counselor. The situation wasn't well thought out and Noah was really uncomfortable being required to see the counselor. Noah's brother was away at college. Noah's mom did the best she could do given the situation.

27 minutes

Navigating High School and Starting College

36 minutes

Schooling: Perseverance and Overcoming Adversity

We discuss the complexity of schooling, regarding socialization, motivation and support.

45 minutes

Anxiety

Growing up with anxiety and trying to parent without anxiety. Anxiety - constant problem solving - leads to creating the problems that don't exist in order to then solve.

55 minutes

How We Live - Connection

Screen Life versus Real Life - changing behaviors and time spent

Noah:

"Human connection feels really good. It feels like it's become really hard to come by."

63 minutes

Trust

We discuss the complexity of building human connection in modern life.

71 minutes

NBA Talk. The Celtics, the Warriors and we discuss the much too-long regular season and ways the NBA could shorten it.

78 minutes

Noah feels dirty watching football.

80 minutes

Noah loves sandwiches. Three of his favorites: Pastrami on rye from a Jewish deli. Banh mi. Grilled cheese with bacon.

***

Podcast Recommendation:

Story of the Week: Ten Straight Years on Tinder

https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/story-of-the-week/10-straight-years-on-tinder

Thanks for listening to Jonah Asks. 

Share, subscribe and rate as you see fit. 

Be Safe and Be Kind,

Jonah

Music:Wilco "Jesus, Etc."

David Bowie "Changes"Jackie DeShannon "Bette Davis Eyes" original (1974)

Q. How are you doing?

When was the last time it was acceptable to reply "I'm great!"?

We conclude somewhere around the summer of 2016. Pre-Trump, Pre-pandemic.

7 min

Michael talks about his early experiences with books

12 min

Our last tennis match in San Francisco (Summer, 2007)

Michael moves to Nicaragua for a year.

15 min

A Drive North from SF to Portland, Oregon (March 2014)

20 min

Dealing with Grief

Michael's mom died of cancer in 2014 and his dad died of cancer this summer.

25 min

The Holidays

36 min

Family Games

The computer game The Oregon Trail has biblical overtones. 

38 min

Michael's dad worked as a computer engineer at IBM

The family moved from Westchester, New York to Portland, Oregon in the early 1990s.

45 min

Hyphenated Names

50 min

Depression - Overt Depression versus Covert Depression

54 min

Michael's Grandfather

Michael describes his father's father. Michael thinks about his dad's upbringing and how it impacted his dad. Michael has letters from the 1970s, written by his grandfather, annotated by his grandmother.

63 min

Michael's Dad, near the end of his life.

After 14 months and four rounds of chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer, Michael's Dad chose the "Death with Dignity" option (Oregon law) that allows a person who is suffering with a terminal illness to end their life. Michael describes the experience of getting the news of his father's choice.

68 min

Death with Dignity

Michael describes the process of his parents dying and the "Death with Dignity" option for terminally ill people and talks about the end of each of his parents lives.

79 min

Life is Fragile

89 min

Perfect Day Publishing

Michael is publishing the tenth book under Perfect Day Publishing, a small press he started in 2012.

The next book to be released is: Staring Contest: Essays about Eyes by Joshua James Amberson

https://joshuajamesamberson.com

music clip: "Bette Davis Eyes" original by Jackie DeShannon (1974)

95 min

Copy-Editing, Publishing Process

98 min

What Does Reading Mean Today?

We discuss different types of reading and writing and how our culture is changing around reading habits.

Podcast recommendation - On Reading and the Brain

Ezra Klein with Maryanne Wolf

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/this-conversation-about-the-reading-mind-is-a-gift/

Maryanne Wolf is a researcher and scholar at U.C.L.A.’s School of Education and Information Studies. Her books “Proust and the Squid: The Story and Science of the Reading Brain” and “Reader, Come Home: The Reading Brain in a Digital World” explore the relationship between the process of reading and the neuroscience of the brain. In Wolfe’s view, our era of information overload represents a historical inflection point where our ability to read — truly, deeply read, not just scan or scroll — hangs in the balance.

OpeningFamily HistoriesI describe what I know about the fathers of each of my four grandparents. Ryan describes his family background, his father's personal history and his grandfather's family and alcoholism.Jeremy discusses his family history and the move from indigenous life in rural, mountainous Mexico to Montana, Utah and Mormonism.12 minConnecting to Our Pasts - American Culture Focuses on the Now and Often Erases the PastWhat we know about the generations before us and how it impacts family dynamics. We are all part of a trajectory of humanity from one generation to the next, but American Culture reinforces a mythic individualism and often erases or distorts the past.20 minEmotional RegulationFocusing on parents' needs as children often leads to putting others first as adults. Children will always attempt to emotionally regulate their parents. We are biologically wired to soothe and help our parents in order to help them stabilize and be okay, but this can lead to ignoring needs and lack of boundaries as adults and in future relationships.27 minVulnerability as Brutal Honesty - Finding Humor in the Human ConditionBack to the difficulty of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. We love the comedians who are truth-tellers, telling difficult and emotional stories and finding humor on the stage - naked vulnerability. 32 minJeremy helps Kindergarteners learn how to regulate and he appreciates supporting them in dealing with all the big feelings. 40 minFinal ThoughtsWe land on some truths to keep us all going. Maintaining love is work. Intimate relationships demand work and compassion. 44 minI confronted my dad and let out some of the built-up frustration, disappointment and pain. Since then, I've been able to move forward and let go...and I continue to let go...and that process is never-ending. Ending54 minFrom the garage, Rebelle Harmony and Jonah sing "Learning to Fly"

Welcome back to Jonah Asks.I reached out to several friends with the hope of having a discussion about fathers, family dynamics, childhood, and healing. Ryan and Jeremy were both interested. The resulting discussion was fascinating and...if you'll allow me...thought-provoking. I hope it gets you thinking, too. People are complicated. Parenting often overwhelms people. Growing up is not simple and...in my opinion., we're never actually done growing up.OpeningRyan is currently in a cabin in southern Colorado. Jeremy joins us from his home in Salt Lake City, Utah.Jonah is in El Cerrito, California.8 minJonahJonah introduces the frame of the conversation about family, fathers, discussing psychology, socialization, depression, masculinity and connection.10 minRyanRyan discusses his father's stoic temperament, his need for being solitary and having quiet, and his father's upbringing and life journey. 19 minJeremyJeremy discusses his father and grandfather. How literacy issues and the responsibility of so many children informed his father's ability to communicate in general. How work, the practice of polygamy and fathering 32 children impacted his father's general ideas of fatherhood.31 minSocialization, Masculinity, and How Depression Impacts Menreading: "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by therapist Terrance Real. Jonah describes his parents meeting and the ways in which their dynamics impacted him.Ryan describes his family and generational trauma, talking about his brothers and the ways in which they seem to follow the generational patterns of behavior of their father, work, familial control and obligation, and disconnection. 40 minSimple Equations for LifeIf men value themselves based on their salary and they view parenting as providing money for their children to get through college, the equation is very simple -- and self-worth is narrowly defined. Capitalism and its impact on men, work and fatherhood. 42 minThe Modern Choice: Whether or Not to Choose FatherhoodJeremy talks about how he helped his younger siblings as toddlers and young kids and how his work as a Kindergarten teacher fulfills some of the connection and love he would enjoy as a parent.48 minBiology and GeneticsThe biological drive for traditional family structure. We are the end result of generations of creatures who have been procreating on the planet for eons. Ryan's genetic material may have produced many children. He donated sperm in 2006 and 2007. 57 minHealing - Working, Parenting and Introspection and Self-WorkAll three of us work to help people, guide, support and heal. 60 minFamily TrajectoriesConsidering our fathers from the perspective of their family backgrounds helps us accept and have compassion for their own struggles and growth.65 minMusic: Magnetic Fields "Papa Was a Rodeo"

I've been playing guitar and singing. Here are my covers of nine songs you have probably heard before. If you enjoy this episode/album of covers, please share it. Thanks for listening and enjoy.1. Dancing in the Moonlight - King Harvestwritten by Sherman Kellyalbum: Dancing in the Moonlight19732. Rocket Man - Elton John co-written by Bernie Taupinalbum: Honky Chateau19723. Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkelwritten for the film The Graduate19684. Ventura Highway - Americawritten by Dewey Bunnellalbum: America19725. Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard - Paul Simonwritten by Paul Simonalbum: Paul Simon19726. Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylanwritten by Bob Dylanalbum: Bringing it all Back Home19657. Simple Twist of Fate - Bob Dylanwritten by Bob Dylanalbum: Blood on the Tracks19758. Knockin' on Heaven's Door - Bob Dylanwritten by Bob Dylan for the film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid19739. The Weight - The Bandwritten by Robbie Robertsonalbum: Music from Big Pink1968

Welcome back to Jonah Asks. This talk with Jeff Alessandrelli is wide-ranging and thought-provoking. Jeff's book And Yet is an experimental fiction novel full of quotations, philosophical ideas around shyness, desire and selfhood.

The novel and the conversation both explore many aspects of modern life:

*isolation vs connection;

*therapy/mental health

*living via text vs living in the present moment

*vulnerability vs social conditioning/masculinity

*creative ambition vs acceptance;

*societal expectations vs individual truth.

*talking vs self-consciousness

*identity and performing the self

Link to Jeff's book:

https://pankmagazine.com/shop/preorder-yet-jeff-alessandrelli/

music samples:

"Me, Myself and I" De La Soul

"Saturday in the Park" Chicago

Essay in The Atlantic on the sex recession, Dec 2018https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/

Spalding Gray on Charlie Rose (1997)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geKEoxpPh5Y&t

Thank You For Listening and Sharing,

Jonah

Welcome back to Jonah Asks, This is the second episode with Jeremy. It was recorded at the end of June, but it's finally made its way to the internet. Jeremy is a thoughtful human, a compassionate teacher, and maintains hope for humanity, despite it all. Themes:*Teaching Kindergarten*Five Year-Olds*Labor Rights*Emotional Regulation*Compassion*Emojis and Language*Retaining Hope for HumanityIf you enjoy this episode, please share it.

Welcome back to Jonah Asks. In this episode, I recorded an audio version of a recently completed short story, The Wednesday Meeting. It's a story about a man named Isaac. He's learning how to move forward from a childhood trauma. The written version can be found at https://darkoindex.medium.com/

If you enjoy it, please share this episode. Thanks for listening.

Ten minutes of British phrases with a five year-old. 

A short essay reflection on parenting and supporting a child as we all move forward into elementary school.