People cherry pick conversations because they want to avoid the elephant in the room. If someone brings up a topic you’re trying to steer clear of, you may get defensive or change the subject. It’s classic Avoidant behavior and it often comes from wanting to project a certain façade. If you want to look like the perfect parent, for example, you probably won’t ask your kids questions that would elicit answers to the contrary, like times when you disappointed them. You fear judgment from others, but it’s really the judge in your head that’s causing you to deflect and avoid.

This can happen in relationships when there is a question about “where things are headed.” You don’t want to ask because you’re afraid of the answer, so you avoid the topic all together and pretend everything is great. You think you are avoiding pain, but you are trading that for a lifetime of heavy feelings like anxiety, guilt and shame. Avoiding what you don’t want to hear doesn’t make your desired reality true. To shoo the elephant away, step into the conversations you’ve been avoiding. Otherwise that proverbial animal will just grow bigger.