I have put a whole lot of effort into my relationships, especially the ones like yo-yos. Either I put effort into not feeling what was going on and covering up my emotions, or I was working like a mad woman to seek validation. If I didn’t receive the needed validation that I was ok, I pointed my finger at the guy. It was his fault.

I discovered this was all related to feeling disappointed in the past and trying to prevent that from happening in the present. Extra effort was exerted to avoid disappointment. In the past, every relationship I had was trying to solve a problem or fill a void. I was looking for something based on the ideals I constructed, but I never got it. Putting effort into people pleasing, rescuing and being perfect is tiring, and it can stem from our fears of being disappointed and abandoned. Trying to convince someone you’re great and they should never leave you typically leads exactly where you fear. Stop working so hard and learn to trust yourself. Only by doing this do you actually get more than you ever dreamed of having.